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male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I no we're meant to accept gays but I cant help but think its wrong and I don't hate it but I find it wrong I'm 13 by the way. I don't get why gays should be taught about in schools because why should I have to accept just cos others do?I don't in anyway agree with hurting gays and bullying never, but I think being gay is wrongIs that wrong? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2015): You have a right to have an opinion; but opinions are best made when you know enough about why you have one.
You're a 13 year-old who hasn't been around long enough to have any experience to backup anything you think. You know what you read or hear from other people. Until you've actually had a friend or relative who is gay; you are just forming an opinion with nothing to back it up.
Right now, all your opinion can stand-up to, is what is wrong for you.
Once you know more about people and life, you will have informed opinions; and you will also learn that some people don't care what you think is wrong; and some opinions are hurtful or not very smart said out loud.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2015): Crazy question but this requires a crazy answer. Why is your brother or sister your brother or sister. It is purely nature and nothing to be scared of. Your brother is your brother and your sister is your sister, nothing else matters. Would you risk losing either because other people say otherwise. You sound like a loving person who is asking for an impossible answer, look into your heart you will find the answer
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reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 April 2015):
 You do not need to accept it internally. You do not need to believe anything or feel anything you don't want to believe or feel.
That's fine.
Sadly you have to have cognitive dissonance with this issue and while you do not believe you should have to treat all people the same you do. IN other words, keep your lack of acceptance to yourself and fake it in public.
Everyone should be treated exactly the same regardless of
race, nationality religion, gender, sexual orientation or gender Identity.
I don't believe that young men should walk around with their pants hanging down so we can see their underwear. I'm not going to disrespect them for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2015): I totally agree with you, also think it's wrong, and that I shouldn't be forced to accept something I don't agree with. Like you, I don't believe in persecution and bullying. I do, however, want to have my OWN BELIEFS and not be bullied by the ever changing societal norms as to what I should or should not find acceptable for my own self. You are not wrong for your thoughts and beliefs.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 April 2015):
 Yours is an interesting question and I think it also stems from a slight confusion between acceptance and approval.
As for the first, well of course you have to accept gay people, they are about 10% of the world population !, what's your alternative to acceptance ? Deporting them all to Antarctica ? Zapping them all out with a lazer ray ?.
They are people like you, and you accept them within your society applying to them the same rules and obligations ,and granting them the same rights and access to education ,healthcare ,jobs ,social mobility etc. as you'd do with anybody else. Regardless of personal details as : what they do in their bedroom , which Zodiac sign they belong to,which shoe number they wear
etc.
Does this mean that you have to approve of their behaviour, or imitate it, or encourage it ? ... Do you have to LIKE them ?
I guess not. If your ethics and / or, as it's most often, the case, your religion say that being gay , ( nore precisely, engaging in same sex sexual acts ) is something wrong, I think you can maintain your ideas. I feel that trying to impose laical, secular ( i.e. , non-religious ) thinking is as bad as the opposite, tryng to force religious thinking on secular people. So, think what you want about gay people, as long as you don't throw spokes into their wheels.
Remember though, in case your position comes from a conservative Christian upbringing : Christians always recommend : hate the sin, love the sinner.
( Hate the action, not the person ).
In other words, you may never come to terms with the idea of two males , or two females, having sex together, and keep disliking it , and that's one thing. Deducting from their behavior in the bedroom, ( which after all is such a small area in a human life ) that they are not good enough, or respectable enough, or worthy enough people, it's all another.
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reader, llifton +, writes (21 April 2015):
 I also have to ask .. Where have you heard that being gay is wrong? Parents? Church? Just out of curiosity.
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reader, llifton +, writes (21 April 2015):
I remember being your age, and I know from experience that sometimes, it's really hard to accept things that are labeled "different." Being in school can cause a lot of peer pressure and conformity for the sake of not being labeled an outcast. I sadly remember a girl I went to middle school with, who was from another country. She got constantly made fun of and picked on simply for being different. I sadly partook in that behavior because I was uncomfortable with something different than myself. I was very young then, and now, I would love to bump into her again so I could first of all, apologize for my terrible behavior and secondly, to learn all about her culture. You see, sometimes, especially when we are young, we don't always understand or know what we really feel and why. The person I am now, is no where remotely close to the person I was then. That's all a part of growing up and growing.
Just because something is different than you, doesnt make it wrong. I have been out (gay) to family and friends for 13 years and don't just think I deserve to be treated like everyone else - I KNOW I do. People make judgment calls about other peoples lives all the time without really knowing at all what it's like to walk in their shoes. I've met so many different people who (living in the south in the US, which is known for its intolerance) have told me that I have shattered their conceptions about what being gay was like. They have these pictures in their head about how weird and odd gay people must be and how their lives must be so different than theirs because afterall, they've always heard gay people are strange or somehow different. So when they meet me, and actually talk to me, they are so shocked to see that I am in law school, have my life put together, and am well-spoken, intelligent, and *gasp* shockingly and surprisingly just as boring as everyone else. Lol. It literally shocks them that I'm a cometely normal person, just like they are. And just like you are. And if a person misses out on getting to know me because they have some preconceived notion that I'm somehow a bad person or wrong, then I sincerely believe that's their loss. I know I'm a good person. And that's what we all are, after all, anyway, aren't we? We are PEOPLE. We aren't the black race, white race, Asian race, etc. We are the HUMAN race. And we should love and accept everyone for who they are. It's those differences that make the world go 'round. This would be one boring earth if everyone looked, acted, and dressed the exact same, wouldn't it??? Sheesh.
My whole point is that you shouldn't be afraid or intolerant of something just because it's different. Different doesn't equal bad. I hope you can learn to see this, before you grow up and limit yourself from meeting so many different and wonderful kinds of people. And also remember that how you feel now, at 13, most likely is NOT how you will feel when you get a bit older. Good luck.
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reader, CMMP +, writes (21 April 2015):
Let me ask you a question: do you think being hay is a choice? Could you choose to be attracted to men? I know I couldn't.
It's either the way people are when they're born or it's the result of life experiences. But it's not a choice.
So what do you expect them to do? All of a sudden start dating the opposite sex? Because you (and others) don't like homosexuality?
Live and let live... This is something that has no negative effect on you unless you let it. I live my life married to my wife, have a couple of gay friends and don't think anything of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): You need to think about why you think this is wrong, and if that is a legitimate reason. You're still young, and with time you can grow up and learn to accept others are different, and you can look at that as a positive thing or a negative thing.If for example, you believe it is wrong for a religious reason, you have to ask yourself, well if others find my religion wrong, or offensive, it doesn't change the way you feel about your religion. And gay people can't change who they are attracted to, the same as someone can't choose to deny their faith.The important thing is, for whatever reason you see this as wrong, that you are tolerant and kind to others. Ultimately a gay person is doing no wrong by being gay. We are lucky enough to live in a time where people can be themselves, and not live in fear. It is ideas that get passed down that being gay is 'wrong' that can cause gay people to live in fear though, like you said you wouldn't want to see anyone bullied or hurt, but all over the world people are murdered and horribly beaten, or thrown in jail, all because they fancy the same sex, which is very sad. Why would someone 'chose' to be gay, in countries where they know they will be murdered for it? It is not a choice, and they have to live a lie and live in fear because of how they feel.You have to remember as well, humans do lots of things that are 'unnatural', we fly in airplanes, we drive cars, we have vaccinations to stop diseases. Many animals have also been seen to have gay relationships.I'm not sure how much you know about sex at your age, but I presume you at least know it's how a man and a women have a baby. Many people use the argument being gay is unnatural as two people of the same sex cannot have children. However, many sexual things straight men and women do together, are for pleasure and happiness and intimacy, and not to create children. As long as it is two adults who agree to be intimate with one another, there is nothing wrong, whether it is gay or straight.The important thing is to remain curious and question why you feel some things are right and wrong. You are entitled to your opinion, but the world is an awfully big place, and just because your school, and your friends and your family might teach certain things, there are lots of different and interesting people that make humans unique, the world would be a very boring place if we were all the same.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 April 2015):
 I agree with Aiden, that you've posed an honest and mature question.....
I'd like to focus on the concept(s) of "wrong" and "right"... as I think they contribute a great deal to your dilemma.
As you get more and more life experience, you will probably find that right and wrong really can be fluid. After all, would any soldier ever protect himself, in battle, if he stood solidly behind his belief that killing ANYBODY (at ANY time, for ANY reason) could never be compromised? There are oodles of such dilemmas that we (all) get to face in life... and we have to make JUDGEMENTS as to how sacrosanct are our "givens" (our beliefs about what is right, and wrong).
As for your being exposed to homosexuality in a school setting (is that what you meant?)... remember that for CENTURIES people were "taught" that: The Earth was flat (nobody "knew" otherwise), and that the EARTH was the center of the Universe (same reason)...
So.... if your posing this dilemma... and being influenced by our responses to modify your feelings about "right" and "wrong" is the result of all this... then you will probably decide that there are many ways to be tolerant of all sorts of things.... people, experiences, disputes, stresses... and that should make you even more well-rounded than you've shown with this submittal...
Good luck... (and STUDY HARD in school!)
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reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (20 April 2015):
First of all, may I commend you for being so honest and mature in the way you have asked this question. It took guts. I’m going to give you a long answer because I hope it’ll help you come to terms with your feelings about this, and better understand why you’re being taught about something you think is wrong. Adults who debate such topics could learn a thing or two. The answer is this: we can’t just learn about things that we accept or agree with. It’s important to learn about different points of view. I’m not sure what being taught about gays actually means in practice. When I was at school, I felt that some of the teachers who taught us about tolerance towards homosexuals, were directly attacking my religion as they took delight in rubbishing the Bible. They couldn’t just leave it that it’s always wrong to mistreat some-one for who they are, they had to go a step further and insult religious believers. My friends and I used to muck about and simply not listen. I’m not saying their message was wrong, but the way they delivered it made it feel like they were forcing me to accept that they were right, and I was wrong. I’ve never liked people telling me how to think. Perhaps the way you’re being taught is making you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps your teachers aren’t allowing any discussion of why some people think it’s wrong to practice homosexuality. And that’s important, by the way: many who object to homosexuality on religious grounds, don’t believe it’s wrong to be gay, but only to do anything about it. I understand people disagree with that: I am one of them, but they do misrepresent that viewpoint, which makes it hard to discuss these questions honestly. So, although I think you’re probably not being taught in the right way, here’s why I think you should still learn about homosexuality. It’s important to learn about what it means to be gay, because although you have said that it’s wrong to bully or be cruel to gay people just because you think it’s wrong, not everyone thinks that. It remains the case that, in certain parts of the world, a person can be executed for being gay. When we understand things, we feel more comfortable to deal with them. IF we’re not frightened about the differences between us, we are able to disagree but live peacefully together. If we are going to disagree or object to something, we ought to know what we’re actually objecting to. It is increasingly recognised that a person does not choose to be gay: we used to believe that it was a psychological disorder, and some still do even though that idea has been well researched and thoroughly rejected by the experts. Some who hold on to this view even claim that unpleasant (and often expensive) therapies can cure the gay person. I don’t like the way Aunty Bimbim has demonised anyone who opposes homosexuality by linking it to Racism, because for a lot of people it’s the choice to express their gay identity that they object to, so it’s not showing respect to those who hold such objections. Many of those who believe that practicing homosexuality is wrong, nonetheless don’t believe gay people should be treated in any way as lesser citizens, in the same way that some people believed indigenous peoples were lesser citizens in countries throughout the world. However, she is quite right that, if we victimise gay people, we’re picking on people and shunning them for something over which they don’t have a choice. Is that fair? Of course not. I would encourage you to think about why you think it’s wrong to be gay. Does the idea of 2 boys or 2 girls fancying each other make you feel uncomfortable? Guess what, it does a lot of people, just because it’s different, and different can be scary sometimes. I read something once in a religious text by the Quakers, which said, in slightly grand terms, that even if you don’t really like what gay people actually do, it doesn’t mean you should love them any less, or doubt that they love each other. All anyone can ask is that you try to be open-minded, and try to see that, even if you don’t like or understand it, it works for that person. Don’t ignore them, try and make a special effort to show them kindness. This is just one aspect of who they are. What matters far more is what they think, how they treat other people, and whether you can find common ground with them. Perhaps you are religious and your faith sees the practice of homosexuality as sinful. My own faith does, and I can’t go along with that. But I know people who do, so I’ve tried really hard to understand their viewpoint. If that’s the case, remember that the major religions teach us to love the sinner. There is usually a complicated theology behind a religious objection to a gay person having a homosexual relationship: it’s rarely because the religious group just doesn’t like gay people. Major Christian church leaders have all said in recent years that churches need to be welcoming to gay people, even though they have never changed their mind that it’s wrong. You don’t even have to discuss such issues of morality with a gay person. I’ve known people who disagree over this, not be able to talk or even get on with each other. You sometimes wonder, why don’t they just talk about something else, rather than focus so much on the subject that makes them fall out?
I’ve tried to cover all the reasons why you might feel it’s wrong to be gay. I don’t know if you’re actually saying that it makes you feel uncomfortable because it’s different and hard to understand, or whether you really believe it’s wrong. But as a practicing Catholic with views at odds with the church on this subject, who has many wonderful friends who are gay, I see all sides of this, and what I know is that if I didn’t try to understand why some think it’s wrong, or I didn’t really try to understand what it means to be gay and what it’s like being gay in society today, then what ever side of the right/wrong argument I subscribed to, I would lose a lot of the fantastic people I have in my life.
I wish you all the very best.
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reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 April 2015):
 Accepting that LOVE IS LOVE, no matter what is NOT hard or complicated.
Gay, straight, bisexual do not CHOOSE whom they love.
Two guys (or gals) who are in love doesn't have a DIFFERENT way of loving then a guy and a gal. LOVE IS LOVE.
Does it mean you have to take to streets with rainbow flags? No. Does it mean that every OTP or ship HAS to be gay to be good? No.
It just means that SOME people LOVE love others of their own gender. So what?
Who are YOU to judge? And don't bring the Bible or something like that into it. Not everyone is a Christian. Consider that.
WHOM you love has NOTHING to do with what kind of person you are. Being gay doesn't mean you can NOT be a good person, kind person, smart person, creative person, caring person, great friend, father, mother, sister, brother, Dad, Mom ....
ALL being GAY means... is that when it comes to SEX and LOVE they prefer people of their own gender. THAT is how their SEXUALITY works.
A person's sexuality is a TINY corner of someone's personality.
The attitude you have is what has killed millions of human being over the course of history. Gays, Jewish People, Gypsies, politically active people, black people, while people, Asian people, Native Americans, Australian Indigenous people, People of Nepal, Maori, Christians, Muslims, Druids, Norse, Slavs... DO I need to go on? IGNORANCE kills and has for eons, don't YOU think it's time for some TOLERANCE and EDUCATION?
Being tolerant doesn't mean YOU have to go out and GAY with someone. It just means you accept that your FELLOW men/women may NOT have the same preference SEXUALLY as you do.
If you think sticking your head in the sand or your fingers in your ears going na-na-na makes things go away, you have a LOT to learn.
If you think someone who is gay is less than a human, you have a lot to learn.
It's NOT for you to judge or decide whom OTHERS love.
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you... YOU are NOT better than everyone else. YOU are you, and the gay guy/gal down the street is who she/he is.
Learn to LIVE and LET LIVE, how to LOVE and most of all HOW to be a good person. A DECENT human being. It's not hard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): You are very young and I expect your views will evolve over time.
When I was 14 I realised that I fancied other girls. One girl liked me too and we secretly started a relationship. My feelings for her terrified me. I didn't want to be gay. I didn't think there was anything wrong with other people being gay, but I wanted to get married and have a family when I grew up and I was scared of that not being possible for me.
Falling for that girl was not a choice for me, not in any way. However the disgust and mean comments from my classmates when they found out about us were entirely under their control. They have since grown up and changed their views, and some have even come forward and apologised. They were young too, and I've forgiven them. I just wish they could have been nicer to me. They didn't treat me like a person.
I'm 22 now and over the last few years I've actually met some guys I liked and accepted that I am bisexual. Perhaps I'll end up with a man and have a family, or perhaps I'll meet a woman who I truly want to be with all my life. It won't be a decision- it will simply happen, the way anyone else falls in love. And I think you'll come around once you've experienced love yourself. It just happens, and you should accept that nobody can change that.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 April 2015):
 Yes. Being gay isn't something you choose, it's something you are. Saying that being gay is wrong is just the same as saying that being white is wrong. You can't help the skin you're born in. It is illogical to say that something you can not change, is wrong. How can there be a right and wrong when it's not a decision you get to make?
Just like saying being a man is wrong. Or saying to a blind person that they are wrong for not having sight.
What can they do about it? Nothing. They're born that way. Accepting doesn't mean you think everyone should be gay, accepting just means that you accept the ones who happen to be gay. That you don't think you can change them. Because saying you think it is wrong implies that you believe it is something that can be changed. But it can not be changed. All that can be done is to either kill every gay person, or make it illegal to be gay, so that the ones who are gay must hide or free the country.
It'd be the same as making it illegal to be white, you'd have to go in hiding or flee the country. You can't simply stop being white.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): You managed to grow up in a modern world that accepted gays long ago to be someone who still thinks being gay is wrong.
I read once a book Sience fiction about a planet where to be redhead is wrong. Redheads actually were prosecuted and at time killed. I have red hair, and I was thinking then, if i was born on that planet I would be in big trouble.
Gays don't choose to be gays. It's not an acquired habit. This is how they were born. Gays existed since humanity was born, and in some cultures bisexuality was an ordinary thing to do like we do the heterosexuality.
To say that to be gay is wrong is the same thing as to come up to me and tell me that to be redhead is wrong. I at least could do something about it, for example to color my hair but iwill still have my very white skin and freckles.
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reader, Questing for Love +, writes (20 April 2015):
 EDIT:
I do support the LGBT community, I just know that there are others with differing opinions and people are not going to accept everything, and to be honest we can't force them.
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reader, Questing for Love +, writes (20 April 2015):
Think of it as a class about world religions. Not everyone follows the same religion, but just because a class is being taught about several different ones, doesn't mean people are being forced to accept any of them.
If things are occurring in the world it becomes a part of our history and history is taught in schools. That's just a part of life. It doesn't mean anyone is forcing you to accept anything, you're just being given new information so you can stay informed with the changing times.
Same goes for politics. There's democrats and republicans. They may oppose each other but you can guarantee that they know everything there is to know about the other side because they need to be informed on their competition. They're not accepting the other side's beliefs, but they are getting the information about them.
I hope the things I explained make sense. Basically, you don't have to accept what you're being taught, just take it in as new information.
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reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 April 2015):
 I'm old, now while that might be a statement to get your eyes rolling let me tell you what happened in my country, Australia, during my life time.
Until a referendum held in 1967 Australian Indigenous people, known as Aboriginals, were not considered people but were governed under the Flora & Fauna Act.
Before the referendum where people (non Aboriginals) got the chance to vote if Aboriginals should be included in the Census (recognised as people) or not there were people saying things like:
"I know we are meant to accept the Aboriginals but I think it is wrong" & "I don't agree with hurting Aboriginals but I don't think they are people". The same things you are saying today, nearly 50 years later, about gay people.
Being Gay is not a choice, people don't wake up one day and say "oh the sun is shining and the birds are singing, I think I will become gay," they just are, and the rest of us need to simply accept that as a fact and move on to things that are more important that are REALLY, REALLY wrong, and that we can change to make our world a better place.
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