A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Why must agony aunts be rated and who rates them? Sorry i posted another question similar to it but i didn't explain my concerns alot. Well my reasons for asking is that I don't think it's right because alot of people have rated others poor. This also includes myself. I mean these writers are attempting to help others so why should they have a rating section? It just makes people feel bad about themselves if someone says they give crap advice. It makes me feel like I don't want to write advice if no one likes it, maybe people would prefer it if i just kept quiet. I love helping people but if it means people are gonna criticise what I say then it isn't helping to writers. I decided to remain anonymous because I'm embarrassed to put my name in. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh yeah, just to clear up any misunderstanding, i write advice becasue I get a satisfaction out of helping people, I don't do it because I hope to get good ratings. I know that shouldn't be the reasons for giving advice.
I was trying to say that I thought ratings can be discouraging. However, I'm not that bothered any more about how I'm rated. As Dragonette said, if it helps at least one person then I'm happy. Thanks everyone for asnwering this post by the way!
A
male
reader, Dr Pete + ♥, writes (1 April 2007):
 My view is that I would say both the flags and age range are tremendously helpful at giving more direct advice.
Similarly, people in the upper groups of the top lists clearly give better advice than those who have a majority of "poor" votes. I say this from the perspective of a goal of providing a caring, therapeutic kind of attitude to answering the question. Take, for example, any number of answers from the top 10, or top 20 users. Their answers are highly likely to be very helpful and constructive to help the question asker and in contrast to those who aren't in the top lists are clearly of much more quality and helpfulness.
I would say if someone has an overwhelming percentage of poor ratings and after spending a long time (at least 3 months) on the website, then perhaps they are just not good at giving advice? That's the reality of the situation, isn't it?
I think the general users on this website are capable of distinguishing between what makes good advice, and what doesn't. Therefore the ratings I think, are generally quite good and helpful.
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A
male
reader, Friend Tom  + ♥, writes (1 April 2007):
 Very true, Farris. I may have given the wrong impression when I said I did not concern myself with the ratings. I should have said I don't "overly" concern myself. Of course I watch the ratings. It is not possible to tell which answer got a bad rating, but I can figure it out. As I said, if I misunderstood or did not read the Questionaire's post correctly, that is my fault. And it tells me to read more carefully. But if Q simply did not like my advice because it did not agree with their own ideas of what they should do, then I can't help that. I based my opinion on what I was told. If Q did not tell everything about a situation, that is not my failing but theirs. Am I making sense? Or if Q is looking for approval for something I see is Q's bad judgement, then I can't help that either. I am hoping to give them some insight to help themselves. If they have already made up their minds, then why are they asking for help or other's opinions?? So the rating thing is a two edged sword in a way. But, as Cupid said, there are built in "regulators". He can tell when a bad rating is not justified or if there is trashing going on. It can be a help to us all if used honestly. OK, end of "sermon". Tom
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A
female
reader, Farris +, writes (1 April 2007):
 Theoretically, if you're just here to give advice and help people, you shouldn't really care what your rating is. If you do care about it, then you're here for the wrong reasons.
I would think that the main reason for the ratings is so that the aunt can work from the feedback. If they have a bad rating, then they can try harder to give better advice, or if it's a good rating, can know that they're doing a good job and keep it up.
Just remember, it's not a popularity contest. Lots of people just come to this website, post a question, and never answer other people's; they don't care what your rating is... They just want help!
And that's what it should be about. You should be giving good advice for the sake of helping another person, rather than the points... That's implying that you'd give bad advice PURPOSELY... Which is rather odd. o.0
Well, that's my two cents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): Agony aunts like being rated because they want to know what others feel about their advice. Whilst you have said about people giving a poor rating some people do give a good rating so there's both sides to it. As for who rates them it's people who check out this site.
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A
male
reader, DearCupid +, writes (1 April 2007):
 Hi Dragonette
Your concerns are understood, but I think the flags have improved the site because it allows both questions and answers to be understood in more context.
At its most simplistic level, questions about age-gap relationships and age of consent differ between countries.
Andrew.
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (1 April 2007):
 Andrew, the flags make people focus on other stuff than the advice itself. I may not give the same weight to a piece of advice from Mongolia as a piece of advice from France as I will think along the lines of "what does someone from over there understand of my situation".
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A
male
reader, DearCupid +, writes (1 April 2007):
Forgot to say: They are rated by users of the website, including the question asker. Their main purpose is to put together the list of top aunts - http://www.dearcupid.org/people
There is a sophisticated algorithm in place to ensure that the list of top aunts cannot be cheated or spammed by idiots making stupid ratings. There is also subtle differences in ratings by users and anonymous people...
A.
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A
male
reader, DearCupid +, writes (1 April 2007):
Why do we have the system?
So that good aunts get encouraged and stay, and poor aunts get discouraged and move on. It works. The focus is on helping people who write in get the best advice possible. The reality is that some people DO give bad advice ("bad" as in the opinion of majority of users is that it's bad), and the ratings system exposes that.
If you aren't worried about your ratings, just ignore them :-)
If your ratings are consistantly poor, look at what people who are highly rated do and see if you can figure out how to write advice that is better accepted.
To dragonette - curious as to what your complaint regarding the flags is?
Andrew.
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A
female
reader, dragonette +, writes (1 April 2007):
I always thought this rating system was stupid anyway, just as I thought the flags were inadequate.
Give advice from your heart and don't worry about ratings, points or popularity.
Even if the whole world would think your advice is bad, you might still help ONE person out there and then all your efforts were worth it. At least that's how I see it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, yeah I realised that it doesn't matter if people rate you poor, it's just their opinion I guess. I'm still going to continue to try and help others. I never hope it will become a contest of some sort but I know that most of the aunts here already know that! Thanks for your help, I'm not bothered by ratings anymore!
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A
male
reader, Friend Tom + ♥, writes (1 April 2007):
I disagree, thor. I don't pay too much attention to the ratings. I will still say what I honestly think. If it is not "liked" by the quetionaire, so be it. I would not change it. I always hope my posts will help. I am not giving "laws" from a throne, just saying what I see and understand from what the Q posts. If I misunderstand, or don't answer the question in a way that helps, I am fine with a "bad" rating. It is difficult to understand exactly what the Q is asking for. Sometimes, they may be looking for approval for what they are doing. They may not get it. If this upsets them, I am sorry. But it doesn't mean I would change my advice. So, no,..I am not concerned about the rating thing. If Andrew ever thinks I am out of line at any time, I will certainly change my "modus operandi", or just bow out. But that has not happened yet. (winking) Ever been 'winked' at? That means, "you are pretty OK in my view, and I am not ashamed to let you know". So, give us a wink if you like what we say. If not, we can deal with that, too. Tom
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reader, thor +, writes (1 April 2007):
 i am with the questionair on this one. rating agony aunts can mak the aunt only give a good answer for brownie points and make them selves look good. it can play with the aunts brain aswell by them looking at the chart all the time thinking i'm not on the table yet then your here just to play a game.
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male
reader, Friend Tom + ♥, writes (1 April 2007):
(LOL) Not to worry, anonymous. We are tough and can take it. If the advice or comments don't help a certain poster, then their rating may help us later to advise someone else. We don't take it personally. This is not a popularity contest with us. And sometimes, our advice or comments are just not liked by the poster...or someone else. Well, so be it. That doesn't mean we think we gave bad advice. It just wasn't liked. C'est la vie. (wink)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): I think you are taking the ratings sytem way too personally. As aunts on this website, no one should forget the true purpose of why we do this...it's not for the ratings. It's to help others who need help. Don't lose sight of the good you do for others. It's an unconditional way to give back to others. Be proud of what you do. Keep it in perspective. Good luck.
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