A
female
age
30-35,
*lessing ogbonna
writes:I am a girl of 19yrs,i meet a boy of 29yrs whom i hv being dating for 2years.recently he has being making life unbearable 4 me because there was no spill of blood or pains as he was the first man i ever had sexual intercourse with.so,what causes a virgin not to bleed and feel pain on her ist time with a man? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Mr. Intellectual  +, writes (21 January 2016):
Not all women are the same!
A
female
reader, londonmiss  +, writes (7 August 2010):
 Hey,
When I lost my virginity I did not bleed either! Although it was very painful I did not shed one drop of blood. All women are different and most bleed, but there are a few that don't, like you and me.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Many have asked this question, so you are not alone! Read some of these for more advice on similar situations.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/not-sure-if-my-girlfriend-is-a-virgin.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-my-girlfriend-was-not-a-virgin.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-doesnt-believe-i-lost-my-virginity.html
As some side info from me, personally I did not bleed and it wasn't particularly painful either. A friend of mine did not bleed and wasn't in any pain whatsoever. Another friend of mine both bled and had excruciating pains for days. This is really something that varies from girl to girl, woman to woman. No woman is the same, the first time is experienced differently. In the worst case scenario there is a lot of blood and pain, and pain in the belly for days after. In the best case scenario the woman enjoys her first time, which is very rare, but does happen. I was no athlete, but I did not bleed my first time. It could be because of use of tampons or who knows what.
If your boyfriend doesn't believe you he is uneducated, narrow sighted and not trusting you. He is a horrible boyfriend and you should leave him and find someone who believes in you, trusts you, and won't be fooled by rumors about the female body. He is not a good boyfriend, and you would be better off if you found someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): I see you come from a non-western country where maybe more traditional notions of femininity are held, and so your boyfriend might have a more narrow uninformed view of what ought to happen to a virgin her first time. But the truth is that not all virgins bleed their first time. Yes, perhaps a doctor could enlighten him about this.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 About 20 percent of women do not bleed at defloration ( first time penetration ) That is because their hymen ( the membrane that protects the vaginal orifice ) is so elastic that yields without breaking,or so thin that tears at the slightest solicitation. Some women are born without an hymen.
If your bf does not believe you,just tell him to ask any doctor or nurse, they will confirm. But- the fact that he ddoes not trust you, it's not a very good sign for the future of your relationship...
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A
female
reader, busy04  +, writes (20 June 2010):
 Well firstly in order to understand why a woman won't bleed, you need to understand the reason she does bleed.
Every woman has a hymen (which is a thin tissue) that surrounds the opening to a woman's vagina. Every hymen is DIFFERENT for every woman! And most of the time, when you have sex for the first time it tears, thus the bleeding & pain. But because everyone's hymen is different, everyone does NOT ALWAYS BLEED or experience pain. And that is PERFECTLY NORMAL, there's nothing wrong with that.
The hymen is not always an indicator of virginity. The tissues of the vulva are generally very thin and delicate. So many girls & women can sometimes tear or dilate their hymen doing sports (bike or horseback riding, gymnastics), exercising, inserting tampons or masturbation. Some people may not even know this has happened, since there could be little to no blood or pain involved. AND....sometimes remnants of the hymen can still present up until a woman delivers a baby vaginally.
So, tell your boyfriend to grow up. Research. And get over it. At his age, he should at least have a clue about this matter. Ask him who was with before you! :)
Best of luck to ya! :)
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