A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. This question feels quite weird because I've never really heard it before. I'm used to hearing about men who come too quickly, but not those who take a very very long time.I slept with a new guy for the first time last night. He was a virgin. It must have taken at least 40 minutes for him to finish. I really don't have the energy for that! Is this common? Seeing as it was his very first time I don't want to ask him too many questions right now and embarrass him. I've slept with a few different people but never encountered this before and I'm a bit confused! I'd really appreciate any advice you have. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): Dear Ms. Disappointed, No, it is not at all normal for a man, virgin or not, to take so long to come. I assume the two of you were quite comfortable together. No, it was not that you under-whelmed him - a virgin would be absolutely thrilled to fuck any girl at all. No, it is not just from wanking-off, but it may be from long time watching explicit hard core sex act videos which are readily available on the web and wanking-off with them. Or, it could be he’s got some other baggage in his head about sex and girls. I wanked-off plenty when I was a virgin, but the internet did not exist then. I came the instant I entered her the first time and was pretty normal after that. Many years later when I got hooked on web porn it really screwed up my abilities.What you do now depends on whether or not you love him, and whether or not you want to go forward with him in an open honest loving relationship. I will assume that your answer is “yes”. And I hope that you are a woman who can be totally honest with your lover – who is not embarrassed, but feels absolutely free to discuss her feelings, to share her desires with her lover, and is loving enough to be patiently coax her lover to be the same way. If you are open with him, he will probably be open with you, but most likely it will have to be you who takes the first step. If you love him, you will do it.This fellow is now highly embarrassed by what happened. Go to your private place again, but this time, sit down and talk to him. Tell him how much you are thrilled that you were his first. Tell him how much you hope it was as special for him as it was for you. Tell him the ways you enjoyed him. Tell him how much you are looking forward to making love again.Then explain to him how important you think it is for lovers to be like you are being with him now. To not be afraid of being totally honest and open with other, to tell each other how they feel, what they desire, and even what they may be afraid of, because they will love and support each other. Tell him that you really want to hear how he felt and how he enjoyed making love to you. Don’t let him off the hook, don’t just take a short answer, patiently keep asking him this question until he fully opens up to you. He may say he was surprised it took him so long to come and may tell you why he thought that happened. But if he doesn’t, tell him how nervous you were and the story of what happened when you gave your virginity. Tell him the first time can be stressful and strange things happen for lots of people when they have their first time. Then ask him if he was nervous, because it was his first time and you saw that it took him a long time to come. Once again do not let him off the hook – do not accept a short answer – tell him that it means a lot to you to understand what he was feeling and what happened to him and patiently keep asking him this question until you believe he has fully opened up to you.Obviously this conversation could go in many ways and you will have to take it from here. He may ask if you would take him right now, or you may want to say it would be better for us to think about this, but I very much look forward to being with you again soon. Remember always that what you say depends on how much you love him and how much you are committed to making this relationship work. Don’t accept any bullshit from him or yourself – only honesty.I hope you will come back to this post and tell us how you made out.Best…
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2015): Maybe he was trying too hard not to come. The guy I'm with bow was my first. And rhe first we got together, he took nearly an hour. Since then, he's learned i come nearly as fast as most guys, so he mostly comes at 5-10mins now, unless i tell him ask him otherwise. He probably didn't want to bomb out his first time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2015): Can't help much here as I was the opposite and it was always a struggle to hold back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2015): Too much masturbating with a deathly grip. Or could be first time nerves that he was concentrating on everything BUT enjoying himself! My boyfriend can take forever to come. But I know now how to get him off quick if I need to! His wanking involves the death grip too, by the way.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2015):
 Probably inveterate wanker. With or without porn.
There's nothing wrong with masturbation of course, but- apparently there is something like : too much of a good thing.
Many young ( or not so young ) men who overindulge, train themselves this way to respond only to a very specific and very vigorous kind of stimulation, one that can't be exactly reproduced during intercourse. Intercourse may feel even better, more exciting, but - it still does not feel THAT way , so the conclusion is reach with lots of time and struggle.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2015): Oh believe me, I tried that. And if he was "holding off" deliberately it would make sense, but that wasn't it.
If I'm honest I found it a little bit upsetting, like maybe I wasn't living up to expectations. I've always thought guys were so overwhelmed their first time that they wouldn't last long at all, so the opposite presumably means he was underwhelmed. I can't really ask him about that either because he'll probably just tell me whatever he thinks I want to hear.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 September 2015):
 A man's ability to "hold off" is usually seen as an atribute. If you want a quicker response then just tell hime. Once a guy hears his girl say."Now,now" he'll usually comply.
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