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Why is this girl texting my guy late at night/early AM if nothing is going on?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 May 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My bf and I have had a few fights over him having friends that are women, specifically because there was one woman that texted him everyday late at night. We'll call her Ann. Everything, was going good after our three fights I dropped the subject and we started to get back into our relationship. Also, I never saw that he texted Ann anymore. When I went to sign up to take salsa lessons he got jealous. I signed up anyway, because I really wanted to take it and told him I did. A couple of days later I had a friend text me from her bf's phone, who my bf doesn't know of. I wanted to see if he would get jealous and see his response, I don't make guy friends easily and I don't have any at this time. He was fine with it, he didn't care. Is this bad? He isn't asking questions, (he always asks tons of questions), and keeps texting his good friend that's a woman, which he met after we started dating. We'll call her Lisa, she does not have a boyfriend right now. I wanted to surprise him at school and emailed her asking for the room number. She emailed back saying he holds me in the highest of regards. During lunch he mentioned that Lisa had said she looked at the picture of him and I on facebook, he didn't say anything more. After we had lunch as I was leaving she texted him how lunch went. The next time my boyfriend saw me he mentioned that Lisa told him that she was expecting someone looking completely different than I do. I thought what she told him was kind of mean. The next week I picked him up from school and I asked if he would read his relationship essay to me and it was about our relationship, about how much he loves me. That night we went to his friend's house, I was meeting him for the first time. That night Ann texted him at 11pm with 'Hey' she always texts 'hey' for the first text. He ignored that text maybe because I was cuddling in his lap. This morning I noticed that she had texted at 12:40am, when we were sleeping. I decided to ignore it, because school is almost over, a couple of weeks. Then as I was leaving him to go back to my house I saw on his phone that Ann is 4th down on his favorites list for phone numbers.

I have never met Ann and I know Lisa has a huge crush on him. I had assumed that she was in the class that I had surprised him at, but she wasn't there and I know she isn't in his only other class. I am really confused, he tells me he loves me and that he would never cheat, yet Ann texts him late a night, early morning hours. I don't feel comfortable about the time or frequency.

View related questions: crush, facebook, jealous, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much for all of your input. I am becoming good friends with Ann, she is totally in love with her bf and loves to talk about him. Appearantly before my bf's classes he goes to starbucks or to the mall with Lisa, which I find weird, one of the text conversations was about her needing to buy eyeliner and asked if he wanted to go with her. He said he would if they went to the Apple store. Lisa doesn't have a bf and she was pretty upset when I was with Alex at his school, he didn't necessarily ignore her he just talked with me more. I'm not uncomfortable anymore, I do have one more question if anyone can answer it. Why would Lisa tell me that Alex has the highest regards for me? I would tell a gf that he bf cares deeply for her or in love not high regards. It just confuses me

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A female reader, Lakisha United States +, writes (16 May 2010):

Lakisha agony auntGood luck to u

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you so much for your response. I broke down and read their texts while he was asleep this morning. I found out he doesn't see Ann out of school, but Lisa he goes shopping with and is definitely closer with. He told Lisa to get to know me because he thinks we have a lot in common and she didn't respond to that. I texted Ann and asked her of she wanted to hang out anytime that I would. She wants to and seems to genuine love her bf. We'll see what happens

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A female reader, Lakisha United States +, writes (15 May 2010):

Lakisha agony auntIf this girl is texting your bf late at night then they have somthing going on that he's not telling u u have someone to text your phone I don't care who it is but let him see how it feels but if he doesn't trip then he hiding somthing him an her

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