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Why is she so inconsistent with what she wants?

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 July 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 July 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been with this girl for about 8 months now. Everything has been good between us until about a month ago..

I moved in with her last month and now somethings are starting to bother me.

She's very inconsistent with what she wants. She works two jobs and sometimes says she has no point in working that second one and she's gonna quit. She goes back and forth between things so much.

She's been working late at work the past few weeks(or so she says).

She's so inconsistent that I have a hard time believing what she is really doing. Ive caught her in few small lies now. On top of everything she's been making up every excuse not to go to any of my family functions. I've tried to talk to her about things but she just doesn't she my point and there's always some excuse for it all. I'm not sure if I should give her time and try to work things out or just let her go and walk away. I really do love her. I just don't understand.

View related questions: at work, moved in

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (10 July 2017):

chigirl agony auntI don't think they moved in too soon. If they hadn't moved in together, he would never have seen this new side of her. Now, instead of wasting years and years of his life on a relationship that will not go anywhere, he found out after only 8 months.

However I don't see what he's talking about. OP, you are being so vague in your post, I have no idea whether there is any cause for concern or not. You just write that you don't trust her. And, when the trust is gone, so is the relationship, Im afraid.

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A male reader, judgedick France +, writes (8 July 2017):

judgedick agony auntAs Honey said she might not be ready to do the family thing,

She may feel the need for money to pay off education loans,

You don't say if you know what her jobs are. You make it look like she is making up lots of lies to hide something from you if so your trust is gone, without trust your going nowhere and if you need her to show you something to prove her innocence her trust will be damaged badly;

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2017):

You moved in with her too soon. You didn't take any time to really get to know who she really is; or learn more about her ways.

To be honest, in eight months I doubt you really "love" her. You hardly know her, and the proof of that is in your post.

She is being somewhat shady, and sounds like someone who needed a roommate to share expenses. In her eyes, you were an easy and willing chump. You proved your gullibility, because you moved-in far too quickly; and she took advantage of your naivete.

If your name isn't on the lease, move out. I think you're beginning to see her true colors.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (7 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntWhat was her reason in NOT go to family functions with you?

Maybe she just isn't ready for the whole family thing yet. Is she out to her own family and friends?

As for working overtime or two jobs, well some people like the money, hate the work and love to vent or gripe. It doesn't really prove anything.

My guess is, that YOU are finally seeing who she REALLY is. Dating and LIVING together are two different things. Some people are able to keep up a facade while dating but they can't maintain it 24/7 when living together. They slip up and their true nature comes out.

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