A
male
age
30-35,
*antryfresh
writes:I've been with my girlfriend around about 18 months now. At the start of the relationship we had sex often, however around the 6 month mark that slowed down and would only do it once a month and then at the nine month mark it stopped completely, unless we had a big massive argument about it and she felt obliged to do it. She says the reason she doesn't want to do it is because she does not trust contraception and first told me just to wait a few weeks until the Christmas holidays until she could go and see the doctor in her home town, but she didn't go. She then said that she would go at Easter. She didn't go then. She said that she's a bit on the overweight side to go on the pill right now but will slim down over this summer and then get it at the end of the summer. We are due to move in together at the end of August and it seems she's not been trying. I'm getting worried that she won't feel like she's lost enough weight to want to go on the pill to be told wait until next Christmas. I've been really fair and understanding but I told her that it would be the end if she didn't go on the pill. I'm not bothered about her going on the pill if she was fine using condoms. It's really bothering me and stressing me out. Every time I bring it up I get shut down and told that; it's fine; stop worrying; it will get sorted.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 June 2016):
 By the way, her not wanting sex is perfectly okay, but it's not conducive for your relationship.
A
female
reader, milesDhope  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 I agree with Andie. If you nicely and calmly ask her as to WHY she truly does not want to be having intercourse and she will not give you the honest truth it would be best to go both your own ways because u both want different things. I am a woman and I understand that a man has needs and wants that fuck every now and also the intimacy too. Just try to figure things out let her know it bothers you. Becuz the contraception is an excuse it's not the real reason.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (30 June 2016):
I think there's a good chance she doesn't know why she feels the way she does. When I was with my ex, I went off sex completely to the point I simply couldn't face it any more. I still found him attractive objectively speaking, but the idea of having sex with him made me want to cry. I thought it was my birth control pills (so getting her on the pill might not be the best idea) but after stopping them it didn't get any better. And telling him how I felt was very tricky as I didn't want to hurt him or lose him. I just kept hoping it would get better but it never did while we were together.
My best guess on the matter looking back, is that many of my other needs were not being met in that relationship and it slowly, almost unconsciously started to affect my desire for him. Then the constant badgering from him about how unfair I was being led to me having sex only for his benefit, which increased the resentment and killed my libido even further.
I'm not saying you should live with this, but it is a tricky situation and an 'I'll dump you if you don't do X' approach is likely to make things worse not better. I would give it one last try, asking her in an understanding manner if there is anything wrong, then you can decide what to do from there. Please do avoid trying to guilt her into it though, as it has been 18 months since I ended things with my ex and I'm only just starting to get over my sex aversion (google the term 'sex aversion' for more info if you want to see whether it might apply to your gf).
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 "It's really bothering me and stressing me out. Every time I bring it up I get shut down and told that; it's fine; stop worrying; it will get sorted."
Bet you don't see anything wrong in your statement do you???
Check you out..."It's really bothering me"... Oh really??? So screw her feelings, right? I can bet you 1 million dollars that she is completely stressed out by you constantly complaining about sex, like a child that had a new toy taken away from them. Wanna bet??
How do I know this..."Every time I bring it up I get shut down"
I wonder why?
Let me guess... you feel rejected, unloved, unwanted, and resentful...right? Because you are a typical man who thinks that love is found between your girlfriend's legs.
If she does not want to have sex with you, then that means she does not love you? Let me ask you this...What are some of the best things you have done in the last few months, to show her how much you love her, and not sex??
What have you done to make your relationship better?? What have you done in the last few months to really touch her heart...melt it even?
I bet you put in very little effort in regards to her heart and making her feel truly loved...but you expect to get so much more in return....There is word for that....SELFISH.
Think of her love like grass...If you water it...great lawn...don't... it dies, and drys up.
The way to a woman's heart is not between her legs...it is really through her heart. Want lots of sex??? Try giving her everything you cannot buy in a store...Like what you say? LOVE, Yes...real love. Love her..all of her first...and not just her vagina. She is not a storage place for your D*ck. Respect her and her wishes. If you have to wait...then wait...you will not DIE from a lack of sex. Listen to her, appreciate her, Hugs and Kisses, and oh yeah, one last thing...Love her some more.
Think of a woman's heart like a balloon....The more you fill her heart with love, caring, understanding, respect, and gratitude, the bigger the balloon gets. The bigger it gets, the more it pushes her legs opens... Hint hint.
If you keep it filled...her legs will stay open as long as possible. Take away those things, and heart get smaller, and legs closes for longer and longer.
It's called...Treat others the way you want to be treated yourself.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (30 June 2016):
 I completely agree with Angie's Thoughts, DO NOT move in with her. There is a break up looming, please avoid making it messier and less awkward by moving in, breaking up and still having to live together due to newly signed lease. Sex is an important part of a relationship, its not everything but its an important way to bond, release sexual tension, please a partner and be pleased. End it. I dont think you should pressure her to open up anymore than she has. Shes not healthy (Im not talking her weight here) because shes refusing to open up and be an adult with her boyfriend (you). Shes refusing sex to someone who loves her and her libido may be diminished but you deserve respect and an open conversation about where the relationship is going and because its important to you, whether she will do anything about increasing her libido so you guy can have a healthy active sex life again.If shes not budging, be an adult and break it of kindly. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 June 2016):
In my opinion, it should always be two types of contraception - the pill/implant and condoms.
Do *not* move in with her - cut that plan out completely.
She probably has a low libido and that's why she's putting it off. You can go on the pill when you're overweight; lots of women do.
So, you need to ask her why she really doesn't want to have sex. No pressure, just you want to know the genuine reason. If she doesn't give one or isn't comfortable having sex, you need to break up with her so that you can both be with people who are on the same page.
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