A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been involved with a man for a year and a half. We stay at each other's place a lot. We are in a loving relationship. This is embarrassing to admit, because we are both in our forties, but his Facebook status bothers me. He leaves it on "it's complicated." I think a relationship is a black and white issue. You're in a relationship, or you're not. Furthermore, I'm not aware of any problems we have to say it's complicated. I know a couple who live states apart and their status is "in a relationship." Have told him how I feel about this, but he acts like it's no big deal to have it's complicated as a FB status. Before meeting this man decided not to put anything for status until I married. Any thoughts on why a man would put it's complicated as their status?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 October 2014):
 Ah, so he has a 30-plus year track record of no full commitment to any woman. You obviously are drawing some conclusions. Does he practice divorce law?
If you are looking for commitment then after a year and a half he knows if you are what he's looking for longterm. That of course begs the question, is he even looking for longterm?
Good luck with those talks. If he's in your age range, I recommend reading this book: A Fine Romance by Judith Sills PhD. It may help you puzzle out some of his actions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1, that is our main problem in the relationship. Social media is a part of society now and it is important he put in a relationship on his FB, at least to me it's important.
He is a 47 year old man who has never married. Maybe I am mistaken for thinking I am the one who will catch him. At his age, I'm sure he has had many women think the same. He told me he never married because of his career. He has his own law practice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindyCares, you hit the nail on the head when you said it isn't etched in granite. That is what I am looking for after almost two years of being with him…etched in granite.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2014):
 I think it means he does not want to officially admit he is " in a relationship ". It may be that you are and feel more committed to him than viceversa .
He does not even want to say that he is single, though- it's obviously not true and people who knows him and you could call him a liar ( and you'd see that status too ! )
So, it's something in between. Like saying " I am sort of seeing someone ...for the time being ". What is complicated it's not how things are between you two, but it's complicated explaining to strangers how he is dating someone, and yet .. things are not necessarily etched in granite....
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 October 2014):
Is this the only problem in the relationship? Does he have a different sense of humor? A cynical outlook on life?
Thank you for clarifying. I can see how this would make you uncomfortable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBrokenv and anonymous,
Thank you for responding! Differing views are beneficial. Now I'm going to ponder what my next step will be.
Like I told him, "a friend of mine is dating someone in another state, and even they don't have it's complicated as their status."
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (19 October 2014):
I think to many people put too much into FB. No one needs to know anything about your status unless they are close family, friends and loved ones.
When you are at any gatherings/functions how does he introduce you? That to me is way more important than FB status.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): This is a man keeping his options open.
He's keeping one foot out the door.
If he can't say what's complicated about the relationship then it has to be his feelings that are complicated; ie he's not sure where this is going.
Are you sure he doesn't message other women on facebook?
I don't see why else he'd want to qualify his relationship status as 'complicated'. That is a clever way of owning up to being in a relationship but not in a way that makes him look terrible for seeking an affair. It almost gives him points because lots of women fall for the 'unhappily married' man or long-suffering partner bs.
He has to change that relationship status because it is not true.
If he doesn't see anything wrong with the status per se, he has to see how this makes you feel. He ought to change it FOR your sake if nothing else.
If he digs his heels in and refuses to then I'd question how much you mean to him.
His long-term partner or a facebook status... it's a no brainer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am divorced, Tisha-1. Thank you for the advice. I will, once again, calmly and lovingly explain to him how the "it's complicated" status makes me feel.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 October 2014):
"Before meeting this man decided not to put anything for status until I married." This is confusing. Are you married to someone else? Please clarify.
If you are single, maybe he thinks it's complicated until you move in together. I would exlore the topic of how this feels to you and appears to mutual friends with him, calmly and lovingly.
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