A
female
age
36-40,
*anleo25
writes:hi there, i've been married for merely two months and already I'm miserable! For the past two weeks we've beem arguing none stop.last nite he told me that I should be more like my best friend (who also recently got married) and be more of a woman and grow up! nw we've been dating for 7.5 yrs and married for 2months. It all started two weeks agao wen I caught him looking@her ass and she gave him this seductive smile, to which neither of them knew I saw the exchange that happened. when I confronted him about it he told me I'm imagining thing and I should grow up and get over my insecurities.I don't seem to understand him anymore, its like I don't know him and if I try to let him know how I'm feeling he tells me to get over it.nw I understand that we are 9 yrs apart bt if I'm so childish then why the heck did he marry me and ) did we stay together for so long. The fact that he compares our relationship constantly to theirs (my so called best friend) and comparing me to her, I don't know what to make of it!I don't want to take my vows for granted but should I stay and try and make things work? Or should I pack my bags, leave and be myself?Please help any advise is better than not knowing what to do or how to feel. I feel useless and small. This is not what I thought marriage would be like especially so soon into it!
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 Because you brought your "best friend" into the marriage. And as very few women learn, friends ruin marriages. Keep your life to yourself. Do not let anyone but family through those doors, lest it's for a family gathering. As I read the rest of your post, I see your "friend" is not your friend at all, showing her azz. So now you know, it's time to move away right? I am sure you must have told her intimate secrets about you and her hubby, and that is why she is trying to seduce him. When you get away, the marriage can be saved. Only Saints can resist temptation, mere human beings cannot. This can of worms has been opened...suggest a move, w/o the reasons why. Keep your friend at bay (away). When I was first married, I dropped my husband off at his ex's house at 9pm so he could "see his kids". I circled back and slept in my car outside the apartment, in the morning I sadly saw the Grandparents bring the kidz home in the morning...please follow your instinct, trust it. I don't want you to divorce since the marriage is so new, but MOVE. My heart goes out to you. It can be lonely w/o girlfriends (I have none), but if you do, NEVER, ever introduce them to your man if they are child bearing age.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): If u want this marriage to survive then u need to ditch the friend. He is already making comparisons and have decided that u are second best. Trust your gut here. That "flirting" was not just your imagination. So distance yourself from the friend: slowly, do not tell either of them what u are doing.Girl, be smart about this situation. Your hb seems to have other interests and you need to now be pro active.Marriage is hard hard , bloody hard work: don't be fooled into thinking otherwise.LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, danleo25 +, writes (30 June 2011):
danleo25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx freeme,
'VERY rough side', you can say that again. Look its not like I don't for him, cook for him and support him. I do all these things just not the way he wants me to according to him. I'm just not getting anything right.
We lived together for 5yrs before so he should be use to me by now!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2011): Not to put you on edge but usually a persons intuition is hardly ever wrong. If you saw something and it made you uneasy and uncomfortable in a loving and open relationship you should be able to express those feelings without fear of reproach or being made fun of, or worse having your feelings dismissed.
Another note: usually when people tell you that you are being insecure without even first seeking to understand your side of the story, its because they want to throw you off their scent.
...............................
A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (30 June 2011):
 The first year of marriage is very difficult. My experience tells me, based on what he has said, that the two of you are in for a VERY rough ride. The comments he made indicate that there is some expectation he has of a wife, and ideal. It sounds like you are not that person. I would use a counselor to explore what those expectations are and whether or not it is realistic for him to expect you to fulfill them. I've seen this before, ahem, first hand.
...............................
A
female
reader, danleo25 +, writes (30 June 2011):
danleo25 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for the response!
I have spoken to her but like him she too said that I'm imagining things and I should be so insecure.
Its exactly what I told him aswel; that no two people are the same and its doesn't make any sense as to why he would say something like that. He has never been this irrational or insensitive before that's why I don't undastand it.
Mayb he's just attracted to her and to afraid to admit it...
...............................
|
