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Why is my husband always putting me down?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 October 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 October 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, *oneystar writes:

my husband always put me down for everything. even in front of his brothers. he always attacks me on my weakness. i have try so hard to please me. but i see that it is not working. i really love my husband so much, but what i can understand is that why is he always been negative. he never compliment me on my success.but he is always waiting for me mistake.he never tell me anything about his day.if i ask him all he will say if ,it ok and that is it for him.but he is always expecting me to tell him about everything. i feel that i am been mistreated by him. i am very confuse and i really need help. because i make me belife that i am the problem. may he is fedup of me, i don know what to say. we have been married for 1 year now but we did not have kids yet. could that be the problem.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010):

I think this man has some issues projecting his insecurities. He is immature in recognziing what they are and most importantly not good at constructively approaching them. It may be an ego thing and as simple as that middle school good who teases to make himself feel good cause he himself knows he can only feel good by putting someone down.

How was your husband raised? Were his parents supportive? Did he get ridiculed by them? His issues can stem from his relationship with his parents easily.

He sees that you are a good human and he himself inside may feel opposite so he brings you down to make him feel good. Id def talk to him about this at a time other than sex and more so in a casual, common every day interaction type of way. Face to face convo too as it is more genuine and that way you can see each others body language. Dont attack him, cause he'll more than likely get defensive. Bring it up in a nice sort of polite way like "hey, I love you however I feel put down by you a lot and want to know why you do this?". Hopefully he can be mature and give you an appropriate response and not avoid anything. Best to you :)

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A female reader, vamp-gal United Kingdom +, writes (16 October 2010):

vamp-gal agony auntYou do need to talk to your husband about this, it's not right that he always puts you down and focuses on your weaknesses.

If you talk to him and get nothing out of him, maybe you should take a break - see how you feel. It will be difficult at first as he has been apart of your life for a while now. However, as time goes on you may find yourself happier without your husband putting you down all the time.

You need to talk to you husband, as The Realist said, it may be him that's the insecure one and he's taking it out on you as a way to make himself feel better.

Whatever it is, you have to get to the bottom of it before it makes your life miserable.

Hope this helps x

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (15 October 2010):

The Realist agony auntI don't know if I have any real solution for this other than you need to talk to him about this. This behavior seems to be related to how he feels inside. He could be putting you down because he feels that he is the useless one. He would do it in front of people to show that at least he is dominant over something in his life when really you are the more successful one in life.

You're not the problem, the problem is with in him and now the trouble is getting him to talk about it so that you both can help him feel like a better person.

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