A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:why is my heart breaking?i was involved for a little more than a year with a guy that i really loved. the first part of it we lived togerther, and after we both had to move, it was long distance with me or him visting the other and always talking on the phone. however, he had a mood disorder that he was not being treated for, other than through self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. he was pretty much an addict, even if he didn't indulge for a huge part of our relationship. the nuances of our differences became more obvious and harder to just live with, because of his disorder, i think. he would be so angry, frustrated, and distrusting sometimes, and wanted to change me. despite this, he and i felt like friends. but, our fights got worse, and he got more violent especially when i tried to leave him at the end (but he never hurt me physically).it was enough, at the end, that i didn't trust him to be with him in person because it started to just feel so unstable. and i don't see that changing any time soon.i don't know why, but after i last saw him a while ago and he basically told me to stay out of his life forever (after i told him we should stop talking/seeing each other), he started to call me. we became closer friends on the phone. i do love him and i think in his own capacity, that he loves me...but all the while we were talking i knew i could never see him again despite his occaisional invitations to visit him. it's like he forgot how awful it could be, or he thought that for some stupid reason, i'd settle for being treated like total crap when i was doing nothing wrong at least half of the time that he thought i was.finally, he just recently asked me if i would come out to him if i didn't have any real obligations. i told him probably not, and now, he has not called me for almost a week (he calls every day usually). since the moment i met him, i didn't feel like i'd always know him, but it still hurts to know i've lost a friend that somehow was healing for me.i kept trying to tell him i couldn't see him in person again, but he seemed in denial of what i was saying, until he finally just asked me if i would even if i had nothing going on in life. i didn't get the chance, but i wish i could just tell him that i love him, despite the fact that i can't see his face ever again...for emotional support, he wasn't very helpful, but he helped me so much in one way that always seems neglected--my mind--i could give him any idea, and we could play off of one another's ideas. it might have been awful, but we could have written a book or movie together. i don't even feel like i need emotional support as much as i needed a mental outlet that was somehow on the same page as me...now it's gone, and he's gone because of course if i won't see him in person, what's the use at all in talking to me, right? (he used to tell me that he always wanted to know me...) i have a few friends that i would rather talk to than see, and a few that feel the same way about me, but i guess he has to have all or nothing...still it doesn't explain to me why my heart feels broken now that i know he has finally (after being in denial so long), cut off from me. i wanted to let go of it so long ago (and thus never called him), but he kept calling, and i got used to it and now it is a thousand times harder to let it go...and i also feel bad for hurting him, and not getting a chance to explain why.
View related questions:
drugs, long distance, violent Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mt7300 +, writes (28 August 2009):
I had to go through this just yesturday. Same EXACT situation for me, i just was confused and I told him I needed a break because I couldnt understand why I loved him so much but couldnt quite let go completely yet. He kept in contact with me for a month, he called and would visit whether i wanted him to or not. Anyways yesturday I told him I couldnt see him and I broke plans with him that we made quite a while a go. He was livid and told me he wants nothing to do with me and that I treated him like shit on our "break" and that he deserves better. I'm still not sure what's best but if that's how he is I guess it wasnt meant to be. We were together for over two years. It hurt like hell, I even cried but I try to take it day by day and each day will hurt a little less. Everytime you lose someone in your life it hurts, exspecially when they tell you all at once. It's just a sense of shock that hurts. Think of how better off you are and will be now. Remind yourself why you broke up and you will find better
A
male
reader, 2old4this + ♥, writes (28 August 2009):
 It's real now that it's over because he has finally gotten the point. You have in some ways been able to hold on to him until now through his phone calls. But now thats finally through. Dont' feel bad for hurting him, because I feel certain he knows why you cut him off. He was just hoping you would change your mind. You did what was best for you and probably for him as well. Now you can start to heal and move on properly. "but he kept calling, and i got used to it". Your words are your answer. Now it's time to get used to something else.
...............................
|
