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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm going with my girlfriend now for 4 months. She has broken up with all her ex's but has remained friends with them. I don't understand why.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Hey I am in a similar situation! My GF is trying to stay friends with her ex whom she ultimately left because of meeting me. It drains on me when i am blamed for their relationship ending, i always ask what where you doing looking if you were happy? I know and they know it was over before me but i am the scape goat. Through guilt my GF wants to remain friends with her ex. I could handle it at first but when i realised the ex had nothing but contempt for me and our reltionship i expressed my concerns. To have an ex call me a cXXt or by any other vulgarity is not fair and should not be condoned. I made it clear that the lack of loyality shown by my gf to me and our relationship would destroy us because i will not waste my life hoping things will be ok. I love her and she loves me - therefore i believe we should focus on us and not things that want or will destroy us. I didnt give an ultimatimum but made it clear that if she continued to meet up with this person knowing it hurts my feelings as it is all still too raw then she would ultimately push me away. The problem i have now is that she feels slightly controlled by me - which is not the case but its the opinions of others getting to her. I am feeling its a no win situation and the only advice I would give is - Dont Cheat and dont get invloved with anyone whom has a partner. First time i have been in this sort of situation! So exciting at first but the reality is, it is tough on the spirit and emotions. I am completely in love with her and thats the foundation i will build on and i know we care enough about each other to get through it!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): My girlfriend still keeps in contact with her ex's. One in particular she is good friends with and they chat on the phone, email, etc. It bothered me at first but I trust my girlfriend completely and I know nothing would happen between them again. Her ex is getting married in the summer and my girlfriend has asked me to go with her, as she's been invited!! I have never met him but at his wedding (to someone else!!) will be a good chance to. I think it is completely normal to feel aprehensive about your girlfriend being friends with her ex's. I still don't like it but i have got used to it and just get on with things. They were each others first so that doesn't help, but hey.Definitely talk to her and tell her how you feel. You can't tell her who to be friends with but she should understand your feelings...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I dont have an answer to your post... My girlfriend does the same thing.. at first i didnt think it would bother me to much.
But when she goes over to his appartment till 1 o'clock in the morning.. and invites him out when she goes with her friends instead of me.. that seemeingly bothered me... she doesnt think anything is wrong with that.. i told her i trusted her but also let her know how i feel about it and it doesnt seem like she is going to change... All she would have to do is see him less frequently (she visits him about once to twice a week) i know there is nothing going on, but its more the principle of the thing...and as far as getting to know the guy.. well i cant cause she broke up with him cause of me.. and he knows it.. and it is still a secret that we ( my GF and I) are dating.. so what do you say about that?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Staying friends with ex's is fine, as long as it isnt hurting the person you're involved with, i believe if this is the case then that person should take your feelings into consideration, and if she really does care about you, then she would see the pain she is causing, and stop.Its the same thing with me, my girl is still friends with her ex (good friends), and its not so much this that bothers me, more the fact, that if i even breathe in my ex's direction all hell breaks loose. Double standards, women have the motto "Do as i say, not as i do"!!!!
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (22 May 2006):
 Probably because she is a nice person and likes to have many friends around her. Just because a romantic relationship falls down doesn't mean that you have to lose a friendship as well. I suggest you talk to her and tell her how you feel without prejudice or accusation.
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2006): I undestand that you are not jealous or insecure but the bench marking will be in place in your current relationship. I honestly believe that exes (unless children are involved) must remain part of past. Even when children are involved you do not need to socialize with that person. I have informed my partner, in no uncertain terms, that I will not accept the friendship thing with exes and would rather cut the ties and move rather than being a part of his/her ego trip and constant need for approval from someone who was not good enough in the first place. But this is my opinion....
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): maybe they were just better off as friends if you trust her, dont worry about it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): Why shouldn't your girlfriend stay friends with her exes - whats the problem, you can't erase who she had in her life before she met you.You got to look at it this way she had something with all of them once whether is same sense of humour , mentaly they've clicked ,it looks like she stayed friends with them because they obviously still get on which is a rare thing for couples. I mean say you got on brilliantly with her and saw her as one of your closest soul mates if you broke up with her would you want to loose her as a mate.Unfortunatly all couples are meant to be but if you can stay on good terms then thats a positive thing it'll be different if she was in contact with just one ex.Then maybe you can question things...
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (2 November 2005):
there is nothing wrong with staying friends with exes. both myself and my partner have stayed friends with previous partners. whether or not she was already friends with them before dating them then there is no reason for her not to be friends now. i know i find it hard to meet friends who don't want a relationship which means that a lot of the friends i have are men i have previously had relationships with. my partner doesn't see why i still keep in touch with an ex but he trusts me and i have explained that i am going to stay friends with him although if my partner asked me to, and gave good reason, then i would not contact the ex. if you feel upset or jealous with her remaining friends with exes, let her know but you need to have the confidence in yourself so that you don't need to have a problem. why not get to know them? you might find you like them. if it is still a problem, tell her that you would appreciate her seeing less of them but let her know you trust her
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