A
female
age
36-40,
*icoleray143
writes:My fiance tells me he loves me and would never leave me and then turns around and tells me don't be surprised if i don't come home and he say's he is tired of everything, i am so confused and hurt, it's like mind games, i don't know how or what to feel in this situation, any Advise on why he is acting like this or how i can deal with it??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011):
I act like this. Well, I used to much more often until I realized how hurtful it is. The reality is (if he is like me) that he loves you very much, but you are hurting him in some way. It builds and builds until he lashes out, threatening to leave and so on. He has probably tried to tell you what is wrong, but you ignored him or minimized his concerns. If he hasn't, maybe you need to sit him down, tell him you love him too and ask him what is wrong such that he has so much resentment for you.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (2 June 2011):
 He may have very strong traits of narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. Their pattern is to devalue you and verbally and emotionally abuse you with gaslighting and other mind games. Get out, he won't change and the abuse will only get worse and make you miserable. Being around someone like this can make you physically ill, too. Be glad you did not marry him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 June 2011):
 You need to break off this engagement. To be engaged means you have the intent to marry, meaning you have the intent to stay committed for the rest of your life.
Your boyfriend doesn't show that commitment when he says he's tired and might not come back. When that is how he feels, you can't take him seriously, and you can't take this engagement seriously either.
Break off the engagement, and try to work it out as a couple. If he ever wants to get engaged again he better be prepared to stick to it and not be flaky.
Don't give him too many chances. If he walks out on you once, take him back, but if he does it again you need to lock the door behind him and forget about it.
An immature person will walk away from a fight, thinking it is easier to just give up.
A mature person will be patient and sort the fight, because they want to stick to their commitment.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): Thank god he's you're fiance. Face it. If he's "tired of everything" now, what will happen after you get married? Make sure if you wanna spend the rest of you're life with someone who is tired of you. It won't work out because it won't have that spark.
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