A
female
age
36-40,
*ucky03
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me last month after a year together. We had a baby before he left as well. Two weeks after our break up he got with a really young girl. Our relationship was not good. He was always at the bar, drunk, doing drugs, cheating, etc. He would abuse me the last month of my pregnancy until he left. His family says he's happy with this new girl and doing better. Changed. Why is he changing for her and didn't for me and our baby?
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female
reader, lucky03 +, writes (27 October 2014):
lucky03 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never thought of it like that. Thank you! Great advice and it makes me feel better. I thought I was going crazy or overreacting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): His family is full of bologna or worse! He hasn't changed. Either his family is covering for him, or he just met this girl and he is putting on an act as Mr. Nice Guy. He will be back to his old self before long with his new gf.
From what you wrote his family sounds like they are in denial of their son's behavior and/or want to blame another for his problems. Another possibility is they're embarrassed by his behavior and want to save face.
Keep your chin up and don't take to heart anything his family says about how he is doing better and happy. He is no longer your problem anyway. Be thankful!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2014): I would take what his family says with a grain of salt. It's like the other posters say, alot of family's who have a troubled kid are quick to blame their friends and their lovers for their child's bad habits. It sounds like what is going on here. According to them, "you" drove him to drink, cheat and do drugs. He hasn't changed. A leopard doesn't change his spots. He was a loser before you met him and he will continue to be a loser afterwards. He and his family want you to be under their delusionment that he has "changed" so that they can continue to use you as the scapegoat from now on, free their dysfunctional family of all guilt for having raised a deadbeat, and place it all on you. It is a control/manipulation tactic. It is a way to justify his actions. How does a family like that justify their son walking out on his pregnant girlfriend and quickly getting involved with another woman? Good parents would not defend that kind of behavior. But they do. By manipulating reality and claiming that you were the problem, a psycho, unstable and supposedly he is in a much better/healthier relationship. If they can give the impression that his new relationship is so much better than his old one, it's just to make him look good and you look bad. But it is BS. In the future when his grown ass get's charged with a dui or get's thrown in jail for possession of drugs, the family can turn it on you and say, "that woman drove our son to do these things." When he misses his child support payments and or neglects his son, they can manipulate reality and blame YOU for his actions, you were the "bad" girlfriend and now they have made up a "good" girlfriend to compare you to, in order to redeem their son from being thought of as the deadbeat that he is. It's not you. It's him. It's them. I've met people like this. It is very sad.
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A
female
reader, lucky03 +, writes (26 October 2014):
lucky03 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your input! That's what I was thinking. It has been a rough year and I'm trying to move on but him and his family won't leave me alone or won't quit making me feel bad. I mean he left us but I'm the bad one? I've been doing well and have been sticking to keeping my boundaries placed. No contact so far for two weeks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2014): Because he's a ^^^^^d! You don't know, he could have abused his family into telling you that to make you jealous. That's what abusive people do, they like to play mind games, make you feel bad, and run your emotions. Discard him and anyone related to him, if you have to share the baby, try and be on good terms with him and keep low profile. Almost like he's a stranger. You are worth it, you are beautiful, you are an amazing person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If he abused you, he has not changed; he will NEVER change - take my word for it! By the way, his family is probably just as corrupted as him - how else do you think he adopted his abusive behaviour?I hope this helps although it's not much.take care, 15yo girl.Personal experience.PS. Please know you boundaries and self respect. And if he is better with his 'new girl'. Farewell with the ^^^^^d xx
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 October 2014):
 He is still at the impressing her stage. Family members always side with each other. They may even blame you for his bad habits and abusive behavior, thinking you provoked it. If this is how they really are, do you really believe their words that he changed? Their new relationship has not dealt with any kind of stress so there is no need for him to escape from real life yet. He is not a man if he's not capable of taking care of his baby. He has not changed. He is the same man and is bound to show his true colors sooner or later.
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