A
female
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anonymous
writes:Is it abuse if your bf tries to force you into sex through making you feel guilty? By saying things like 'if you loved me' or 'if you wanted to see me happy you would do it', 'if you cared about me' etc. Is it abuse if he doesnt respect you when you say no and still tries to force his head down on you to give you oral sex? What about when your bf spikes your drink with alcohol without you knowing and once you realise, he tells you you have to drink it ,and that you are embarrasing him in front of his friends if you dont drink it?What does it mean when your bf tells you your bf says you're a failure, because you dont live up to his friendship group norms? How about when your bf takes his friends sides all the time, lets them put you down and basically say whatever they want and just pass it off as a joke. How about when his friends say the ydont like you because you are shy around them? Yet he wonders why you are shy. It didnt occur to him that you find it harrd to be comfortable around people who put you down and make fun of you etc. Why does he do this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): please do yourself a favor this is going to end in disaster for you, dont be another statistic. dont try to find a reason to stay with him he will do more than hurt u honey. he is sick and if he has not hit you yet then trust me he is capable of worse...get outdo whatever it takes ask your family and friends for help...... i dont wnat to hear about u in the newspaper
A
female
reader, jstdunno  +, writes (19 August 2009):
Why would you put up with someone who spikes your drink and forces your head in his crotch. Why would you waste time coming here to ask if it's abuse?
HELL YES. And you know it is. This guy will end up in prison very soon if he doesn't cop on. If he spiked my drink I would go straight to the police and so would most girls. Think about it he went out and bought an illegal substance with the intention of drugging you and having sex with your lifeless body.
If this was in a movie would you the actress to stay with the guy.Of course not, get some self respect and dump this guy before he hurts you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 August 2009):
 It means he is a controlling sick jerk and you need to drop him fast, he isn't healthy for you to date. He will keep trying and trying til you give in because you think it is easier or even worse you start to believe his crap.
What's next? Ordering you to have sex with his friends? Strangers for money? You just never know.
He is a Piece of crap - so really, just flush him..
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A
female
reader, Leighann_ox  +, writes (19 August 2009):
The way he's acting is completely out of order.
He spiked your drink with alcohol, I think that's enough of a hint to get out of this relationship now.
If he's trying to shove his head 'down there' on you, then really that's classified as attempted sexual assault in my eyes, he should not be wanting to do something that you are not comfortable with.
If he's guilting you into having sex with you, what'll happen if you refused? Will he force it on you? That's classified as rape. It doesn't matter if you're in a relationship with him, he can still do that to you, which is something that most people don't realise.
He should be proud for you to be his girlfriend, not putting you down in front of his friends and siding with them. He should be protecting you.
He sounds like a really nasty piece of work, get out of the relationship while you can and find someone whose more willing to treat you right. You might feel like you're not able to find someone else, which is the exact trait that people who are treated like a piece of dirt have. You seem like a lovely person, don't let this asshole drag you down, go and find someone with decent morals.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): He's an arsehole and an abusive controlling bully, and you should never feel obliged to have sex with someone because they are pressuring you to do it. Replace him like a burnt out light bulb lol!!
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (19 August 2009):
 He does this because he doesn't love you. He is one of those boys who only thinks about his penis. If i were you, i would leave him, he is not worth your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): I guess he is acting in an abusive way, yes. Why does he do this? Because it sounds to me like he only ever considers one person: himself. He sounds very selfish, and not considerate of your feelings at all. I'm also guessing that by acting this way, putting you down and making you feel bad, it is his way of making himself feel good. Powerful.
I think you already know this though, by the way you phrased your question. If this carries on, he will continue to chip away at your self-esteem. He doesn't sound like a boyfriend at all to me. Think about what you consider a boyfriend to be. Is it him? Honestly? No.
I think the main choices you have are to either try to stand up for yourself more, and be firm with him about what you will and won't do. Or, leave. I would also consider this option if the first one does no good, or makes no difference.
You really do deserve to be treated so much better than this. No one deserves to be treated the way he is treating you. Do you realise that? I'm not sure yet...but when you do realise that, you will wonder why you are putting up with his behaviour, and will find the strength to do something about it. You will put YOU first, for a change.
I know you can do it. Good luck. x
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (19 August 2009):
 He sounds like a total jerk, who you could easily find someone better for you, he doesn't deserve you, you're too good for him.
He does sound like he's abusing you, so leave him before something serious happens, like for example he might start hitting you, or may even rape you.
I personally think you should leave him, as he just thinks he can do what ever he likes to you, and you don't mind.
He doesn't respect you, so it's not an equal relationship, as he should have respect for you if he really loves you.
You may love him - but he isn't returning it. So just leave him - it's not worth it.
Hope this helps
3
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