A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone im in a ldr situation. and ny boyfriend is cold to me like hes always grumpy at me. and bot mood to talk, i dont know whats going on to him, whats bothering him. theres one time i ask him if he is ok? and he said hes fine! but hes bery distant lately, can you please tell me guys, what to tell him to push through this feeling to make him honest to me, and tell me whats going on him! im so confuse to him. :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 He's telling you just enough to string you along and keep you on the hook...
he's not that into you..
when he says your relationship needs to level up and you say "OK what do you propose to make that happen?" what happens?
if you say visit me and he says I can't I have too many projects... you clearly are not a priority for him...
if he wanted a future with you he would know what to do...why are you assuming that a 36 year old man does not know how to make a relationship happen?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok i know thats not a good sign when a man tells you hes not sure. but this time around. few weeks. we talked and he said that. he doesnt know how to deal with this. if he can visit me here till next year because of his job lots of projects he will do. which is i understand i have my school here. so maybe its ok for me also that he goes here with my graduation next year.i can wait while im busy doin my school also here. but its that make me upset that he said he was thinking if he will backward or stop pursuing this relationship because he said it was unfair for me to wait for him and he said that. he doesnt know what to do and think our future together. im just wondering how come a 36 year old doesnt know how to think our future together. im so confused also why he cant make a decision about his own life our life together..or what his plans. hes said our relationhip needs to level up. its not progressing its been a two years were chatting emailing calling on the phone. maybe this time he want to think our future but he doesnt know how to move and plan about us. and i told him we can doi it together. why he has does things in his mind im so depressed thinking about him, crying all night why is he like that. why he can be a man and try to think that im part of his plan. can you please give me some advice.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
Ok it’s an LDR… how often do you see each other?
It’s also an age gap as you are 22 and he is 34… that’s a big difference (although 34 and 46 is not as big….. it’s about the place you are in life that is the issue)
He says he is confused about you… that’s not a good sign
He’s cold and distant and does not want to talk to you…also not a good sign…
AT 34 honey he can easily take care of himself…and if he can’t… if he’s that needy do you really want a man like that?
I think that you have a big huge dream of this man that is not based in reality.
When a man loves a woman he will move heaven and earth to be with her… a man that says to you that he’s not sure about you or your relationship is telling you how he feels… HE’S NOT SURE… to me that is one step away from “I’m leaving” and with an LDR that you have seen him twice in two years based on what you said, there is not much to bind you two together.
I know you want us to tell you how to make him open up, but there is nothing you can do to do this… if he wants to he will… but it sounds like he’s not that into you…
do not pin all your hopes and dreams on being with this man.
if you suggest to him coming to visit what does he say?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes his not from here
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A
female
reader, malletchick76 +, writes (10 July 2012):
 So he's not from here or he works in a different country?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello thank you for your advices.but please dont tell me to break up with him i love him and il try to do the best to fix opur reationship since i was 20 i know that hes the one for me. thats why now im 22 graduating next year. trying to finish graduate then i can spend my life with him hes 34 now. he lived another country.recently he told me that his confuse about us. about our future together hes so unsure. if he can provide support us together, and he doesnt know. when he can visit me here again due to his work. and he has a question mark in his mind to deal and decide for us. dont you guys think if its ok to suggest him that. in know hes tired stressed from work he need someone to be there take care of him. i wanted to go there and for vacation anyway il just finish this semmester then the next semester il i go there. to stay with him for a while. then ill get back when so my major class open in anothers semester. i think our relationship needs to level up. i know him for 2 years. he spend here in my country once a year. for two months. i know. we need time to be with each other. and to feel that he knew that hes the one that i want ever since,. i dont want let things passed . so please give me some advices if this is the right decesion for us.. thanks you agony aunt
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 A boyfriend who is always grumpy and cold to you is not going to make a happy relationship. You need to ask him the same questions you are asking us, tell him you find his actions confusing and ask him what he expects from a relationship if he wont talk.
If it is a LDR maybe he has found somebody else to talk to and is cowardly enough to act like this because he does not have the courage to tell you the truth.
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A
female
reader, malletchick76 +, writes (8 July 2012):
As frustrating as this is, you'll have to give him time. There may be something going on with him that he cannot open up with yet. If you can't think of anything that you might have done to upset him, then it's not you. Just be there when he needs you.
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A
female
reader, Tashar +, writes (7 July 2012):
 Okay i don`t now if this advise will work but hopefully it will. Try maybe telling him how it feels for you him reacting in this way. Or you could suggest you guys have some space until he sorts his head if none of these work you could just try and by there for him do little things to make him smile spend time with him and do things he wants to do at least then you can make him happy around you and at least he knows you are there for him no matter what if you show him he can lean on you and come to you when he needs to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): You can't make him tell you what's wrong. Maybe nothing;s wrong? Maybe your constant asking is getting on his nerves? If you just leave him alone for a while he might want to tell you. Constantly asking him isn't going to help.
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