A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think i need some serious helpwhats wrong with me? I ask this question because it seems that, EVERY TIME i fall for a girl, i become paranoid, insecure, jealous and sometimes controlling, but sometimes i also get VERY DISTANT and quiet, and i don't ACT MYSELF, i start creating these exclusionary tings in my head that i imagine my gf to be doing like cheating, flirting online, talking to guys on the sly, all these IRRATIONAL THOUGHTS and SCENARIOS, and it damages the relationship. I seem to do this ALL the time i fall in love. Yes i suffer from anxiety and depression, do you think that could play a part in it? Iv gone to phsycoglistsi, hell i even almost began a uni career in phsyc, but never went through with it. I understand what im doing it i just cant CONTROL the thoughts, which turn into actions/reality. These negative thoughts end up physically manifesting into reality and damaging any love/bond i have with my partner. Sometimes i my gut instinct is right now and sometimes it isnt, sometimes i almost dont want to believe what i think i know is right because it ends up being right, but latley i have been VERY? WRONG, when accusing my girl cheating etc n she proves it she hasnt. So whhat do i do, or how should i over come this and save the relationship ,the girl who i have ever loved most in my life, more then life itself? I already sense that she is leaving me or trying to find ways out for potentiol 'future' partners, but as usual i cant tell if this is my paranoid thoughts or just me knowing the truth....
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female
reader, Candycane1234  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 I could be wrong but have you had many relationships?
What were your parents like together?
These paranoid thoughts may have stemmed from something in your past life or you have low self esteem. You obviously feel bad about yourself you think they are going to cheat on you because of something about you, when a person cheats it's not about you it is them.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 You believe the world is a dangerous place to be and you are trying to control your environment by your thoughts. You feel it is safer to prepare for a catastrophe rather than being surprised by an attack. There is a huge difference between avoiding unhappiness and true happiness. True love and happiness is a state of mind, it is not something you possess, dissect, and control. When you love in a relationship, you not only love a person, you also love your life when you are apart. You have to believe that you have what it takes to keep a woman interested. You give the person freedom and trust that they will make good decisions. If you really have the attitude that any average woman will run off any time they can and lie about it then you should not be in a relationship. Perhaps when you are lonely you feel like seeking someone else to fill that void and therefore you are projecting these thoughts onto your girlfriend? The first step is to understand why you have this habit of torturing your own mind, then stop it for good.
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