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Why is it that he only really talks to me when he's horny?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 October 2012) 12 Answers - (Newest, 31 October 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, *exybabe13 writes:

Hey guys so my boyfriend and I and I have been going out for a little over 2 months.

Something that I noticed in our relationship is that he only really talks to me when he's horny.

I try to make conversation with him but he always runs that with a one word answers.

I told him my feelings and he still shuts down the conversation. I still want to be in a relationship with him.

How do I make him talk?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (31 October 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI am sure you are in love. I am not sure HE is.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (31 October 2012):

chigirl agony auntEchoing Cindy here: You feel love, but he feels lust.

And I think what Iamheretohelpyou is trying to say is that there is a difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone. I will argue that the core feeling of love is the same for a mother as it is for a boyfriend, a cousin, a friend etc. But being IN love is infatuation, enamourment, shot by the arrow of Cupid. You don't get that with a friend, a cousin, or your mother.

However, loving someone isn't second range to being infatuated. It's just that if you love your boyfriend the same way as you love your mother, you're not really having a relationship with him, in the same sense as you're not having a relationship with your mother. Infatuation is an added sexual attraction. But this is not to say that I doubt the way you feel, you might both love him and be IN love with him. But I think it is the difference between these two (love and infatuation) that Iamheretohelpyou was trying to point out.

Just had to clear that one up.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (31 October 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt Love is love...and lust is lust.

If he only wants to talk to you when he is horny, you feel love but he feels lust.

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A female reader, sexybabe13 United States +, writes (30 October 2012):

sexybabe13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sexybabe13 agony auntIt's nice to know that some people can conclude I'm not in love. Love is love.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (30 October 2012):

chigirl agony auntSure, maybe YOu love him. But the thing is, you don't talk to him only when you're horny. He is the one who doesn't think you are interesting enoough to talk to unless it is about sex, so it is HIS feelings I question.

Ask your boyfriend if he loves his mother, and then ask him if he loves you too.... But as it is, you can't ever just take peoples word for it, you need to look to their actions. If all he wants to do is talk about sex then that says a lot about how he truly feels.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2012):

Is he a teenage boy, or is he a teenage young man/adult?

When I was between the ages of 13-15, I got horny like any teenage boy, but it wasn't until I was 17 going on 18 that I felt ready for any sexual relations with my girlfriend. Prior to that, I took care of things myself because actually I felt too awkward to think about the sex subject with my girlfriend...

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 October 2012):

Honeypie agony auntIf he can keep a conversation when he is HORNY he can keep a conversation when he is not.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (30 October 2012):

chigirl agony auntBecause he's a horny teenage boy. That's why. Sex is on their mind every 6th second. So, he's actually horny 24/7, I'm guessing there are just some days he's more hormonal (and as a consequence horny) than others.

Does he love you? Not if he only talks to you about sex.

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A female reader, sexybabe13 United States +, writes (30 October 2012):

sexybabe13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

sexybabe13 agony auntNo it's not like he doesn't love me I know he does but like he just doesn't know how to keep a conversation and don't mind my age it doesn't mean that I don't know what love is. I love my mom why can't I love my boyfriend?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 October 2012):

Honeypie agony auntSounds like he is in it for the sexy talk, unless you two are having sex, because if you are, he is in it for the sex & the sexy talk.

Doesn't seem like he really understand what a relationship is about.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (30 October 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntdating just over two months... and he only contacts you when he wants to get laid hmmm...

honey stop trying to make him talk... he's not interested in you except for sexual content... I hope you are not being sexual with him yet.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (30 October 2012):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntim pretty sure hes just using u for his own pleasure. shame on him.

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