A
male
age
30-35,
*ishIWasATeenAgain44
writes:Why does inexperience turn women off more than the other way around? why is it that if a guy is a virgin and never had a girlfriend before, he is a turn off to the vast majority of girls that are non-virgins and have had their share of boyfriends or just been in a relationship before, plenty of sexual experience, and sadly the older a guy gets and he is still inexperienced, the more of a turn-off it becomes to women, the worse it gets.Meanwhile guys are usually more forgiving of an inexperienced woman.Is a womans mentality, mindset similar to that of a hiring-manager, employer? they want the candidate that is in demand? or is there more to it than that?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): My boyfriend had a lover before me but he was my first. I often wish I was his first cos I hate thinking about him with another girl.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): It would never have matter to me at all, and I personally have had an average amount of experience. However, I know now that it absolutely depends on the individual and his attitude and whether he is selfish or not. I spent the best part of a year with a very inexperienced man and was incredibly patient and sensitive as he 'learned'. The outcome? He was so obsessed with himself and his own pleasure and his ability to "do it" that he never, not once, gave a monkeys about me in all the time that I'd been infinitely patient with him. By the end he believed he was 'normal', because previously he'd had huge difficulties with confidence re. women - and he thought in all honesty that our sex life was amazing, whereas I thought it absolutely sucked, but was too kind to tell him. The problem was that, by that stage, I was so very psychologically exhausted from the whole thing that I no longer had the patience or the inclination to teach him to think about the other person and not just himself. I would never, ever, be so patient with someone so selfish again. If I met an inexperienced man I would still be willing, upto a point, to see how things went - but I would be extremely careful to see if he was interested in pleasing me and not just himself.
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male
reader, H8Reality217 +, writes (14 September 2014):
if the guy is over 30 or over 40 and still inexperienced with dating and sex, then i'm sure the odds will be completely or severely against him.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 September 2014):
 I dated, fell in love with, and married a guy who had never even kissed another woman before me. I have dated former "experienced" guys as well. It's not experience, but a willingness to learn and get really good. People (guys and girls) mistake having experience with being good at sex. What if they just learned how to please themselves??? Knowing how and where to stick it in doesn't matter and is very unfulfilling.
Someone who has a passion for a sport but not yet experienced who puts in the time and desire to learn his craft can become a mega-athlete. A musician goes from someone who makes dogs howl to a virtuoso.
With sex, learning and being eager and adventurous with a woman and having a desire to please her and learn new techniques is key, no matter if you have ever been with someone before. Every woman is different in likes and dislikes. It's the eagerness to explore and become better that is all the difference.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2014):
 My first BF was a virgin at 19 and so was I. He was also the best lover I've had out of the 4 men I've been with in my life. Why? Because he didn't "think" he was the shits in the sheets, he was game for anything we could think of and he had NO problem TALKING about the subject.
I really haven't met any women who thinks dating guys with less sex partners is a bad thing. Actually I think many women LIKES the idea of a guy who hasn't been there done that with LOADS of other women, JUST like SOME men likes women with less sexual partners.
Guys (in general) MIGHT be more forgiving you say? I beg the difference I think GUYS (in general) have WAY more issues with a partners past then women do. We take the guy for WHO he is NOT, whom he has slept with.
I just don't think being a virgin is a big deal even at 21+ So what? You haven't had sex yet? BIG DEAL - all that says is that you haven't (looked) or maybe FOUND someone to share that with.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (14 September 2014):
 From my own personal point of view, I would rather have a man who has been choosy about his experiences. I don't like the idea at all of a man who has slept with anything that moves, because that is not how I behave either.
At age 31 I have only ever had one sexual partner, and I understand how that puts people off. I've had men who were totally appalled at my lack of experience who then ran a mile because they didn't get the easy lay they were wanting. They didn't want the baggage, or the emotional stuff. It worked in my favour because it sorted out those men who were only interested in sex, to those who were interested in me as a person.
There are many things in life which some people find a turn off in relationships.
Some women want a "stud" others want someone who is more caring and choosy.
Some men would refuse to have sex with a fat girl.
Some people don't like red heads....
Some people only like tall partners...
The point I am trying to make is that everyone is different. Society places all these pressures to "conform".
Its ok to laugh at inexperienced men.
Its ok to think fat girls are a sexual turn off.
Its ok to make a joke at ginger people. (I am ginger, so I know this one! also deemed the most unattractive of hair colours by men, ive had some pretty rude comments)
BUT... these are not views held by everyone. Just the ones that are pushed as being "cool", and as with everything that is "cool" a lot of people follow the pack like sheep and pretend that is what they believe, when in reality it couldn't be further from the truth. They just say and do to fit in.
Don't get depressed, your time will come and you will find a nice girl who will appreciate you for you. Just open your eyes a little more, because somewhere in your world now, is a girl feeling exactly like you are.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 September 2014):
 I have seen many posts here of men complaining their women are "too experienced" but none (or maybe one?) post from a woman complaining her man wasn't experienced enough. It seems to me that the only people who care if men are experienced are other men.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): Men are characterized by our courage. Unfortunately, our masculinity is judged by it.
As for how women feel about it? My friend, it's a matter of the personality-type you're attracted to. Some women like to teach; and appreciate being with a guy who hasn't been jaded, or tainted by other women.
Some are willing to take a chance and explore with you. That's a hit or miss proposition. Virgins over 21 are rare these days. Male virgins over 21, are even more rare. You are left to continue searching until you find someone who finds that to be no big deal; or you just don't mention it.
Women have sex with non-virgins who are lousy lays all the time. They have no excuse for it.
You gain confidence and experience with practice; and putting yourself out there. Not being easily defeated by small blunders; or overly embarrassed, if you're a little clumsy. Some women find it adorable, if you use it to your advantage. They'll be only too happy to show you what ladies like! Not if you go pickup someone in a bar. She's had too much experience; and will likely put you down. It's the first-time she could actually feel good about herself.
Making a man feel inept.
However; nothing tops a stud. He knows how to get down to business, and he knows what they want and what they like.
Practice makes perfect. Too much practice leads to sexual-addiction. There are sensible guidelines to follow. Learn as you go. That's just the way it goes for everyone.
Unfortunately; society created gender roles long before you and I ever came along. Society has already decided what is expected of men, and what is expected of women. Well, some of us just don't fit into traditional or definitive roles.
That keeps things interesting and less predictable. It destroys stereotypes.
Generally, a guy who has never dated; or is too awkward beyond adolescents is a little scary. There are reasons why men over the age of 21 haven't dated; and for the most part I am sorry to say, are not for the best of reasons.
Such arrested-development may place women on the alert. For the most part, many guys have emotional-problems and their intense shyness is a little beyond safety limitations.
They just can't afford to take such chances with men who can't make their way into society without a lot of difficulty. Or, their experiences have been the worst when they have tried.
Over-coming shyness and building confidence is a good challenge; and it improves with practice. If you're not willing to take the risk of rejection and over-coming your shyness to meet a woman; why should she take the risk of trying to figure-out if it is really safe for her to be around you? If she knows more than you do, then she is left with the stigma of being loose; or judged to be promiscuous.
If you have no experience, will she find a boyfriend or just a boy? Has she found a lover or some awkward guy full of excuses and apologies? My gosh, is he gay? They have their reasons. So don't blame them.
They have enough burdens placed on them for their behavior. So maybe you shouldn't stack even more expectations on them, for your fears and insecurities. Or, your lack of courage and willingness to take risks. A test of your maturity is the ability to overcome the challenges presented by coming into manhood.
That includes discovering your sexual-orientation, dating, and finding a suitable mate. You should work to overcome some of your challenges; rather than forcing people to accept your correctable faults; or shortcomings that you are capable of changing first. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. It takes failure to appreciate success.
Don't look for someone to blame or to find faults in other people/women. Over-come your own shortcomings and insecurities. Gain experience by doing, taking chances,
failing, recovering, and learning. Virginity is not a disability.
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A
male
reader, WishIWasATeenAgain44 +, writes (14 September 2014):
WishIWasATeenAgain44 is verified as being by the original poster of the question i'm referring to guys that have never ever had a girlfriend and are still a virgin, also I got this quote from somewhere:"There is actually an evolutionary reason for this. In primates in the wild, females tend to be more attracted to a male that has already mated because it is less of an evolutionary risk. Some other female has weighed the pros and cons of the male and viewed the risk worth taking, meaning she may have an insight you lack. As for men preferring virgins, or just why a female virgin is more attractive than a male virgin is, it's evolutionarily for certainty that your offspring is yours."What do you think about this?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 Men are from Mars...etc. women are just more self-assured in the world in general than men, I think. It could be because we men are intimidated by women too. It's all in the way were all raised. Boys are taught by fathers to respect their moms, sisters,etc. which can relate to seeing women as more important or prominent than other boys. I mean it's OK to hit back if a boy hits you but you never hit a girl(A good lesson. The world is complex andit always eemed to me nyway that irls had things figured out before boy did(maybe because thy are superor communicaors).Anyway, all the above tends to definhow we matuure and why sex is more daunting to men than to women. I on't know if that addresses the question adequately but it's just my observation of the differences of the sexes. I could write a book on how different we are. Deep bresth and move on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 September 2014):
Yikes! Very sorry about that. This was for another post!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 September 2014):
Stop posting and start dating! You've had enough attention on here already. Posting question after question about hating women and stuff...when is enough enough?
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