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Why is he so mean to me when we've broken up?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 July 2009) 8 Answers - (Newest, 11 July 2009)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi, me and my boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago, I'm feeling really down and depressed, because we ended up in ugly terms, he was so mean and rude to me, telling me things like these:

- I don't wanna talk to you, whats the part you dont get?

- I'm not going out with you anymore, stop fcking texting me

I called him and I couldn't contain my tears, so I asked him why he was saying all those things to me, all he said was he didn't like me anymore since a month ago, but why acting then so I hung up the phone on him, so he texted me this message:

- dont text or call me anymore, if you do once more im gonna change my number, i hate your fcking guts.

I couldn't believe all that he said to me, my God he broke me in pieces, I'm really devastated, and the worst part is that i still love him and im trying hard to move on and i just cant, we had a really nice relationship and he doesnt seem to remember all those moments we had, he doesnt care at all how im feeling, and silly me who wants to call him or text him, i havent tho but i really wanna talk to him, im really really depressed and i dont know what to do with my life now, he just emptied me, how can i move on being hurt the way i am, and still loving him, recently he deleted me from his fcebook and now his best friend is sending me a friend request but i dont trust her, so i dunno why is she doing that, im deeply hurt and sad n im trying my best to move forward and i cant, i need help please.

View related questions: best friend, broke up, depressed, move on, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009):

Lol the same thing kinda happened with me a couple years back but I don't think he considered what we had as a relationship....

He just one day ended up telling me that I'm a burden and that I fucked his life. Said something about me being annoying and wanted me to stop bothering him....I ended up in tears and was depressed for a couple of months but got back up thanks to some awesome friends.

After a year passed he started talking to me again and said we're friends and shit but he just became a lot more of a jerk than he was.

MAYBE just maybe he feels as if its better for the both of you to break up and the only way to do this is to make you hate him? It might take a while but you'll definitely get over him so grab your most trusted friend and tell them everything and let them comfort you~ GL

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntsweety he's mean because he's a t*** he treats you like crap swearing at you for what? the fact you wanted to talk to him!

he's not worth your time don't add his friend if you think it's a bit dodgey i mean chances are he's trying to find out information from this friend from you so he can feel good about himself.

he clearly doesn't care about anyone but himself, he is heartless if you ask me!

i mean you seem so lovely and he's treating you like a door mat.

she probably adding you by the way you get inside information from you so she can pass it on to him and find out how miserable he's made you so he can feel really good about himself.

you're too good for this maybe you should delete his number or get his number blocked so you won't be tempted to call him or text him and you'll find it easier to move on without having contact with him i know it's hard but sometimes you've got to cut all contact for your own sake you don't want him bringing you down constantly.

you're better than that and better than him!

he doesn't love you and that's the worst part because you remember all the good times and still feel for him but he just buried away the relationship and acted like nothings happend.

you're a lovely guy and you'll get someone so much better! someone who deserves you and treats you like you deserve to be treated and loves you for you! and shares AMAZING memories together. ones you'll NEVER forget :)

hope this helps sugar! chin up! keep me updated message me you want to talk further :)

x ilovebowsandcherries x

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A male reader, dddddddd Australia +, writes (10 July 2009):

Well he has proven he isn't worthy of your love so you are right to move on, as hard as that might be.

He might remember the good times but is just really bad at breaking up. He could be being so agressive as you are not getting the message (which is not excusable, but could be the reason).

Whatever he is or isn't thinking it is best to move on as otherwise you'll just drag out your suffering.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009):

Nobody deserves to be treated that way. He was probably a jerk to you, because he's probably been cheating on you. I had a bf do me the same way. It was because he was really gay. He had one of his gay friends tell me that it was over between us. He couldn't even tell me himself, and his gay friend told me it was over on the phone. Your post says that you are a man. Maybe your bf realized that he was really straight? And this girl is the one that he has been cheating on you with?

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A female reader, sugar_sugar United States +, writes (10 July 2009):

sugar_sugar agony auntThe more you contact him the worse it will get. The way he is acting is horrible but unfortunately for some people when a relationship is over, they want to bury it entirely.

What were his reasons for breaking up? Has he been that rude the entire time or has it progressively worsened?

It's an awful situation and I'm sorry you're going through it, but in situations like these we have to focus on the little things that get us through it, in this situation I would attempt to use the horrible thing he's saying as fuel for you to move on. It is hard, but it's easier to spend time pining over someone who is still displaying the qualities you once loved about them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009):

You have to just move on. As soon as he see that you have moved on and don't care about him he'll relize what he has lost, but by you sitting around crying and trying to talk and txt him will only push him away even more. show him that you are a strong women and don't need him. Go hang out with your friends and have fun. There is more fish in the sea. I know because I went through the same thing.

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A female reader, jaime90 Australia +, writes (10 July 2009):

jaime90 agony auntThis must be hard but you have to let him go. Dont contact him again, best to delete his number and move on. Its obvious he doesnt love you anymore or he wouldnt be saying he hates you. He doesnt want to be with you, so you need to let him go. Texting him and calling is only going to make it harder on yourself.

Go out with friends and family, try and get your mind off things. Do things you enjoy doing and in time you will be fine.

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A female reader, laura585 United States +, writes (10 July 2009):

I don't know why he's being so rude and I know how bad that can hurt when someone who you've shared special memories with says things like that to you. It tears you apart and you just want to at least be on good terms. You know what may help you - delete his number from ur phonebook so u wont get the urge (altho u may have it memorized at least u wont have to see his name) just gather yourself up, take the time to cry and hurt but dont take too long, you have a life that needs livin' remember? Call up some friends and hang out, plan a small vacation, even if its just going to see family in another town. These things aren't instant cures but when you try having fun without him the easier it will become over time. Then you will start to realize you dont need him, because you don't. Breakups are hard, very hard, but you will make it through as long as you want to. I kno u get the urges to call/txt but dont do it, it will break your heart more everytime.

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