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Why is he so distant and cold towards me?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 February 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months, but in the past while he's become very distant with me and I don't know why.

He used to give me a lot of affection, now I'm lucky if I even get one hug a day (we haven't had sex yet. This doesn't bother me, but I would like SOME basic affection). We get into a lot of arguments about him never helping me out with what needs to be done in the flat (housework, paying bills, etc). He seems very withdrawn when I ask him how his day has been when he comes back from work and spends all his time playing World Of Warcraft.

I've tried talking to him about it but he just keeps dismissing things because he doesn't think they matter. I've considered he may be suffering from depression, but he thinks that possibility is ridiculous. He feels more like a flatmate than a boyfriend, but I don't want to lose him. I've known him for 2 and a half years. We were always very close and we've helped each other through everything, but he's changed so much in a such a short time without an explanation.

I don't want us to break up, but I want him to be more open with me and consider my feelings for a change. It really hurts me that he's always so cold with me. What should I do?

View related questions: flatmate, world of warcraft

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A female reader, girl from bristol United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2010):

hi difficult one but i think he is suffering from depression just support him and remember its not his fault maybe he needs time before he can face the problem if not then i guess you have to leave him as you have to think of yourself as well and if you want to go on like this you leaving him may make him sort it out

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A female reader, redpopstick United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2010):

Something is definately up, but how are you supposed to do anything about it if he wont open up? It might be a good idea to write down how you feel in a letter to him so that it doesn't turn into an argument and try to avoid accusing him which will make him close up even more. Perhaps write 'I have noticed things have changed between us' rather than 'You've changed'. Suggest that he write a letter too of his feelings and thoughts, or maybe that you could talk. Deep down he knows that it matters, but it's better to be in denial, so tell him you feel you are losing him and things can't continue like this to show your serious. Try to up the romantic side of things by going on inexpensive dates such as picnics, the cinema, a meal etc, even a walk. Take it slowly so theres no pressure. If he is still being cold and distant, then maybe it's time to cut your losses. Good luck, keep us updated :)

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