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Why is a man being a virgin in the west a shame?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 October 2007) 14 Answers - (Newest, 18 October 2011)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Why people in the west think that an adult man to be virgin is a shame? I think being a virgin, because you don't want to put yourself with someone who doesn't deserve to make love with and to be with a lady who shares the same beleif, is something to proud of...make sense, right?

I'm a virgin 23 years old...I say it confidently, only one girl will be for me, one relation forever, and i'm only for one girl...Is this a shame? I would like to know your point of view.....

Thank you...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011):

If you're fine with it, then so be it. Personally, I'm younger than you (21/male) and still a virgin, though I see a problem with it. I'm not saving myself, yet I still can't seem to get a girlfriend or even hook up. I commend you on your decision though. Most 23-year-old guys would never express this sort of confidence on the subject.

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A female reader, vectorsils31r United States +, writes (12 November 2010):

vectorsils31r agony auntI am 21 years old, a virgin, I would love to find a guy who kept it to himself, I refuse to touch a sl*tty little boy who cant keep his legs closed, its frankly repulsive...

Respect is what you deserve, and anyone who says otherwise needs to get a reality check. Nothing wrong with it. Plus going at it does nothing but lead people into trouble. Keep it to yourself, some wonderful woman out there will appreciate you for who you are.

God Bless

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009):

I am a 29 years. I will turn 30 next week and I am still virgin. I am waiting in God for the right person. Well just keep waiting for your wife. Don't give up your values.

Blessings!

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A female reader, flowery Ireland +, writes (6 August 2009):

22 year old Virgin.

I am a female virgin and loving it and i think more guys should put their dirty baggage away and stop showing of.

More guys should pull up their zippers and wait for the right lady.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008):

Sometimes desire inside a man or a woman which ressembles the will to win a match or obtain a gift decides whether you wanna break the virginality or not. Deeply it's a kind of selfish mode of a person.

You are in the very rare category who are genuine for everything in his/her life, with the right attitude that one should do one's best to achieve or gain sth. they want, rather through some tricks with an instinctive motive.

Appreciate your belief, and applaud.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

it is great you are a virgin,and i love your romantic ideals,pity not more people like you,hold out for your love.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007):

I actually don't think there is any major lack of respect for virgins. Not once you get past 18 or 20 years old. By then you're really into a minority. And you're obviously there by choice rather than lack of opportunity.

It becomes something that makes people uncomfortable though. The very idea of still being a virgin tends to make non-virgins feel like you think you're superior to them becaiuse of it. I know you may not want to put that vibe out there, but it's inevitable that people will take it that way whenever you reveal your V-status.

I think the criticism for virginity that late in the game is more out of other people feeling uncomfortable than people really disliking you over it. They just feel judged by it.

I hope you know that you're probably saving it for nothing though. By the mid-20s there are two kinds of "virgin" girls: Those who wanted to stay virgins until married but gave in before then, or those who are lying. You'll probably end up with someone who made some "mistakes" that you will have to pretend don't bother you for the rest of your life.

I know a lot of girls intend to do the V-til-married thing but that doesn't mean they pull it off. When you take into account that most guys never wanted to stay virgins until married in the first place, I find that males who try to do this are actually a lot better at following through on the attempt than females. With females, all it takes is one long-term nonvirgin boyfriend and then the V-card is usually gone by the time they hit 21.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007):

Ok, I'm 23 also and I not only respect virgin men but I find them more desirable. I am not a virgin myself but my sexual encounters have been few and far between and the majority of the few were regretted. I am actually looking for a virgin, as abnormal as that may sound. People judge the norm by what it seems to be even though it may not be the actuality. There are a lot of 20-something who are overly eager when it comes to sex that have driven cautions 20=somethings to be drawn to less sexually aggressive people

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A female reader, YummyMummy United Kingdom +, writes (1 November 2007):

YummyMummy agony auntIf that is what you believe hun then stick to your beliefs!

Not enough people have the belief these days about waiting for someone worthy of making love. It's just sex and it's cool or whatever.

If YOU want to wait for the right person then you go for it. What I feel on the matter shouldn't matter :)

xxxxxxx

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A male reader, Tommy7 United States +, writes (20 October 2007):

In the West things are not as they appear in the media. 99% of the media say the same thing even when most of the public disagrees. Actually there are a lot of people with much more conservative views than the media would have you believe. We have plenty of proud pretty nice virgins around.

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A female reader, rammsteinfan United States +, writes (20 October 2007):

rammsteinfan agony auntI think it's great that you are waiting until the right girl comes along! You have a good head on your shoulders and don't let other people tell you different. Even to wait until you get married is one of the greatest virtues!! That will be the greatest gift that you will give your wife on your wedding night!!

God Bless

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A male reader, Sandman United States +, writes (20 October 2007):

Sandman agony auntI like what martini said.

Be proud of your beliefs. Stand firm on them. Your beliefs are what got you where you are today. And your beliefs will take you to places you've never even dreamed of. Stay faithful and prayerful.

Society has told us men that we need to conquer as many women as we can. Obtain as many notches on the bedpost (pun intended) as possible. It's what makes us "men". Our virility and masculine desire to be with many women. I think more men need to think and feel as you do. Think about. If men (and women) stood firm and said there will be only one man or woman for me and we'll be together forever - can you imagine how fast the STD rates would fall? How fast divorce rates would fall? Rates of children born out of wedlock? What a world that would be.

But it won't happen because we continue to sex as something that we MUST have in EVERY relationship in order for it to be fullfilling. That is what's killing us, literally.

Stand proud man. I applaud you.

Hope this helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007):

What if your future wife lies to you? It's actually quite a common occurrence. You've saved yourself for her and she's slept with 20+ guys. Most men don't find out until they've been married for 10 years or more, if they find out at all. I respect your view point but I caution you to be careful. Humans are very deceitful and statistics show women are even worse than men when it comes to this kind of thing. Just do a little googling if you don't believe me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2007):

A lot of people feel embarrassed because they feel that they never had the experience of being with a female, or in some cases a male. The problem isn't this actually. The 'problem' stems from how common society relates to popular media, and through that, form a quantity/quality stance on whether you are a 'normal' person or not. It is 'admirable' for you to save yourself for one special person in the future, but to a lot of people, including myself find it unrealistic. Mind you, that is assuming that sex is one of the important things in a connective responsive relationship. If however, you lack libido and intimate caresses in your potential relationship, then this factor wouldn't matter anyway.

BTW, it's not in the west. It's every where.

There is nothing to be proud of whether you are a virgin or a duck (Chinese term for a gigilo or male slut). You are what you are. If you are pressured into breaking your virginity, then that means your personal convictions aren't strong enough. If you stick with your beliefs of being a virgin until you find the love of your life, great, that is something you believe in.

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