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Why he'd come back after 3 years after things ended so horribly?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 September 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 September 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Long story short, I was briefly acquainted with a man 3 years ago and it went downhill very fast. We were supposed to be strictly friends and things started getting weird and complicated with attraction and feelings and miscommunication. We were both very attracted to each other and both very hurt in the end and we agreed to put a stop to everything. It was all extraordinarily painful for both of us.

Then last night all of a sudden he emails me to ask me "how I'm doing." As I said, I haven't spoken to him in 3 years and I was certain I'd never hear from him ever again (that's how badly things ended).

I haven't answered the email and I'm unsure if I should. I'm just wondering what he could possibly want from me at this point in time. Should I ignore him or answer him? What do you think he wants? Thoughts on why he'd come back after 3 years after things ended so horribly?

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (30 September 2016):

llifton agony auntYour post is quite vague. Maybe in an attempt to keep it short and sweet you left out more details then you should have.

If you guys liked each other so much why didn't you pursue it? Were you both in relationships? Were you living out of town from each other? Were you not looking for relationships at that point in time? A little more backstory could help answer how you should respond.

Maybe he is reconnecting in hopes of seeing if you two can work out this time. Without knowing how or why you two ended it's hard to tell you how you should proceed.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (29 September 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntThis is dangerous territory. As Honeypie says he could want anything, but your feelings are more important here. Can you handle dragging the past up again? Sometimes it is better left untouched so you don't experience that pain and hurt again.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 September 2016):

Honeypie agony auntCould be so many reasons.

1. He is bored.

2. He is lonely.

3. He wants to reach out to you to either find some "closure" with what happened with you two.

Etc. I could probably guess more reasons, but I don't know him, you did... 3 years ago.

However, WHAT he wants is... irrelevant. What YOU want to do with the e-mail is the important part.

Do YOU want ANY contact with him? Do YOU want to drag up the past? Do you still have any emotions for him?

IF the answer is yes, WHAT do you expect from answering him?

If the answer is no, ignore the e-mail and make his e-mails (if any further comes) go straight to the spam folder.

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