A
female
age
30-35,
*xfatale
writes:There's a guy at my work place who I had a crush on who seemed to like me too. Most of my coworkers pointed it out and has been talking about it for weeks. He would flirt with me, playfully push or tease me and go out of his way to talk to me which gave me the idea that he was interested. Anyway he has a long distance gf and I guess things aren't that solid between them because apparently he was talking to this other girl from his second job. So yesterday I heard from someone I work with that he basically told my coworkers that I told him that I like him and how I can't help myself but to like him and I'm throwing myself at him when he's not interested and said in a subtle way that I was ugly or unattractive. I was extremely upset by all of this because most of what he said was a lie, I would never jeopardize my job by telling my coworker I like him and I feel humiliated. Especially since I was so kind to him in the past by giving him rides to his second(I'm just a genuinely nice person) like there was no bad blood there. Why would he diss me like that?
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co-worker, crush, flirt, I work with, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 Are you sure he actually said this and it was not your co worker causing trouble? She could have twisted what was said and made it sound worse. If it was me I would pull him up on it, ask him why he has said these things and show him you are not to be messed with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): I'd say he said those things because people at work started commenting to him about it and rather than admit he fancied you (and was trying to cheat) he'd rather say it's all on your side. It's a classic way to behave. Either he felt guilty or was worried the girlfriend would find out or both.
As everyone else has said you've had a lucky escape as he was also flirting with another girl too.
Hold your head up high at work as I'd imagine most people know he's lying. After all he's the one in the relationship not you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (8 May 2016):
 You found out who the guy really is. I agree - keep work and personal life separate. Stop talking to this guy. A place of business isn't Sex in the City or some other "Will they/won't they" sitcom. This is your livelihood, and what you do can have far-reaching consequences on how you're perceived and how you're respected, which isn't very much by this guy OR your friend.
Here's another thing though - workplace drama aside:
You need to understand, even before this guy spouted crap about you, he's a douchebag if he has a girlfriend already, but is flirting with you and another girl at the same time. What if YOU were the long-distance girlfriend he was being disloyal to??? I'm guessing you wouldn't be so flirtatious with him if you knew his moral bankruptcy when it comes to relationships and women in general.
Be ice cold to him. If he touches you, tell him you're at work and keep his hands off you. If he starts in with you, tell him to stop harrassing you. Use the word "harrass".
And keep your mind on your job with every conversation, every interaction, every ounce of your energy. You have to earn respect from your co-workers. The guy is a dog to be sure, but you do *not* want a reputation. Trust me. You don't, fair or unfair.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): How rude of him! While YOU were flirtatious, so was he! So much so that even your co workers noticed. So while I agree you should nix the flirting in the workplace to avoid the awkward, IT'S NOT JUST ON YOU. He shouldn't have told them you were "throwing yourself" at him. If the crush wasn't reciprocated, fine - he shouldn't have led you on. I do think this will die down though, and I believe whether or not they intend to, your co workers like to start drama.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 May 2016):
 I agree with WiseOwlE
Keep romance and flirty flirt out of the work place, for the simple reason to avoid awkward situations and drama out of the work place.
Ignore the twat. He thinks he is all that and bag of chips. Obviously he isn't.
And no more giving him rides, nice person or not. JUST ignore him.
Oh and the co-worker who "told" you all this info... don't give him/her any more private details. You do not know if the things he/she "passed on" is actually true. So just assume they are both a couple of pot-stirrers and act accordingly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): It's one of the reasons you keep your dating pursuits out of the workplace. You get humiliated if things don't turn out, then have to face that person day after day.
Now you've learned a valuable lesson. Regardless; you should always walk tall, and let this roll off your back. He's the dick in this situation; and you were just misreading his intentions.
The rides were a favor, and you didn't have to offer them; unless you had ulterior motives. They just happened to be a little transparent. If I were you, I'd shrug it all off and show everyone how resilient I am. The truth outs itself, and he probably has a reputation as a cheap-ass office-romeo. You were too naive and so absorbed by your crushing, you just overlooked his true nature.
This will all die down and subside. Please dismiss it as no big deal. They will see you as a nice person, and see him for what he is. A dick!
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