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Why have I lost my sexual desire?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 September 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 October 2008)
A male age 41-50, anonymous writes:

HI, I wonder if its sound familiar for anybody...I truly believe, that I love my wife, but I lost my sexual interest. I don't know what went wrong.But I don't feel excited about sex at all. Its very much out of character,

as I used to be very interested. She is very sexy, and I'm sure its not her. But what can be so wrong,that i have 0

sexual desire. I went to the doc, but I do have STRONG NIGHT ERECTIONS, so it can't be the problem that my penis don't work for medical reasons. So now I'm puzzledIs it possible that I don't understand my own emotional state. The doctor says its must be emotional ,but I don't know how. I'm in a real pickle here, she is waiting for me,but slowly losing her patience... Is there any other thing I can try to check, so somehow I could find an answer. thanks

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008):

Dear Poster

Just another thought; maybe you should counseling; it might help you to overcome the problem a lot easier and quicker.

My thoughts are with you and I do hope you can have this problem resolved soon.

Best wishes; remember to enjoy life; have fun and always keep SMILING.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008):

Dear Poster

Thanks for the update. Try to relax; the more you are going to stress about "performance" the more difficult it will be; performance anxiety is a PASSION KILLER.

The mind is very powerful and it can play "tricks" on us if we are not careful; I suggest you try to not think about this too much; rather think about positive things and things that you enjoy; You might experience that when you do not FOCUS on sex and performance the desire will come back naturally.

I understand your concern for your partner, but don't allow FEAR of losing her to affect you; give her lots of attention and affection; it will help and it will compensate; you both might discover a new and deeper dimension and intimacy in your relationship; when you change your thoughts and start to FOCUS on other ways to enjoy your partner and each other you might discover your desire igniting again.

Hope this is of assistance.

Your are welcome to Private Message me if there is anything you would like to discuss.

Best wishes and keep SMILING.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008):

Thanks very much for your long and caring answer. Yes, it is hard to deal with something like that, when you don't understand your own problems. Its harder to make some progress this way, as there is always this fog on the answers. I will keep trying, yet seems hopeless at times.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008):

Dear Poster

I have empathy with you; this must be a very frustrating situation for you and I can understand that this is causing you great concern.

This could be very difficult to establish the problem, but normally I would suggest you have a medical check up first. You mentioned in the posting that you have been to the doctor and that there is no medical reason; however, I do need to know are you on any medication? As certain medication can have an affect on your libido. Specially medication for depression, high blood pressure and diabetics.

However, the old saying:"signs that the problem is in the head rather then in the penis are erections during the night, or on waking up". Which according to your posting is your situation.

If the problem comes and goes it is almost always a sign that it is psychological; If the problem started suddenly the problem is unlikely to be medical unless, the onset was associated with an injury, a sudden illness, an operation or taking of a new medicine or drug.

If there is no medical reason and you are not on any medication that can have an influence; I agree that is must be psychological and then I suggest you consult a therapist who can help you to try and establish what is causing this problem. It might be something very deep rooted; something in your childhood that you have suppressed and that is affecting you without you realizing it. Other psychological factors to consider are: Inability to relax; Depression; Anxiety; Fear; Apprehension and stress(business problems or finances etc).

I suggest you consult a therapist to assist you to establish the "reason"; however, I am going to mention a few things that you can try that might help improve the situation.

Return to courtship behaviour;(avoid intercourse); the emphasis should be on love, closeness, mutual pleasuring, kissing, cuddling, massage and so on; (the erotic zones and genital area should be avoided when cuddling or massaging each other). The importance is the touching, looking and exploring.

Looking at erotic magazines and video films together can be helpful; Re-establish self masturbation; fantasies of happy, enjoyable, successful intercourse can be helpful and can overcome old fears, shames and guilts.

The overall aim should be to concentrate on obtaining the best possible pleasure and not just the penis itself.

Needless to say, social behaviour such as: excessive visits to the pub or that "last" drink, excessive socializing; excessive sport and late night tv; shoul be avoided.

Hope this is of some assistance to you.

Best wishes and keep SMILING.

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