A
male
age
41-50,
*igBullOC
writes:My girlfriend has a guy friend that she has known for two years and they used to like each other she has not told him that she has a boyfriend and she wants to hang out with him alone and won't introduce me or tell him that she has a boyfriend. I don't know if I should think that is okay. I told her that I did not feel comfortable with it and that I at least would've like to meet him before she you would want to hang out alone with him and she says that she needs to tell him that she has a boyfriend first but anytime she was been over there she said she is going to see me and told him that it is just your friend and that her and I were just dating. I'm trying not to be possessive but it really makes me feel that she is hiding something if she can't even tell a guy that supposedly is just your friend that she has a boyfriend. Plus she admitted that they used to like each other about a year ago but nothing is ever happened. What do you think I should do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 November 2014):
 First, I'm curious as to how long you and your GF have been together? (not that it's super important for my answer, just call me Curious George).
Secondly, like most of the females who have answered your questions, I think she is keeping THAT (the friend) option open, by NOT telling him about you and not letting you let him.
I can not imagine any other GOOD reason why she won't introduce you guys.
And I do think backing off until then, would be the wisest choice. Though it MIGHT mean she ends it with you. And then you have it, HER keeping her options open is more important then how it may look or feel to her partner.
It's kind of shady behavior, if you ask me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2014): Mate, this is not something that you should even have to discuss. If you have to spell it out for her that this kind of behaviour is at best questionable and at worst downright disrespectful then I'm not sure she's worth it. Ofcourse you don't want to come across as possessive - rightly so. You want her to be loud and proud about your relationship without you forcing it.I suppose you could discuss it but personally I consider it one of those fundamental things that should come naturally when you love someone.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 November 2014):
 and as as far as what to do, (i hate that we can't edit our posts)
I would say to her t hat until you meet him you can't see her anymore as you are tired of being her dirty little secret.
You may not like what happens (she may not see you any more) but at least you would know where you stand.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 November 2014):
I agree... her not telling him she has a boyfriend keeps her options open with him.
I don't think it's wrong for attached folks to have friends of the same sex as their partner as long as they are transparent with all parties about the actual relationships going on. In this case, she is lying to him, to you and to herself.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (19 November 2014):
I think it's pretty clear she still likes him and doesn't want to tell him "just in case".
That's my take as a woman, anyway.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2014): To be honest no that is not acceptable. She is disrespecting you and you know what I'd make damn well sure this guy knows of your presence even if that means taking things into your own hands and messaging him directly, doesn't have to be straight. Could be under the pretence of hanging out because your girlfriend is such good friends.
"Hey so and so, I'm Carley's boyfriend Mark, she's been working a lot lately and I wanted to surprise her with a surprise dinner with some ofher close friends. I was wondering if you'd like to come,
*Your name*
If you don't nip it in the bud now the bud will flower.
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A
female
reader, Fari  +, writes (19 November 2014):
 Maybe she wants to keep her options open. Like you said before you guys were dating, she used to have feelings for this guy. So there is a possibility that she thinks there maybe a chance for them to get a shot and she probably has feelings for him as well. However, she seems a bit selfish in that she doesn't consider your feelings on the topic, she wants to be with him alone and she isn't keen on the two of you meeting. In a relationship it is very important to discuss matters and to find out how each party feels about it.
I think you need to have a word with her. Find out if she cares about you the same way you do for her and what this would mean for the relationship?
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