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Why don't I ever attract girls I want to spend time with? Could my personal issues be a reason some girls avoid me?

Tagged as: Cheating, Crushes, Dating, Friends, Health, Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 1 December 2012)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I only attract the really weird and creepy ones that I don't find attractive.

People have told me that I am really cute and that I can be a guy who girls are attracted to, but that's only a few of my friends because they're people I know and can be normal around.

When I'm at school I'm really depressed because I can't make friends so I just sit there by myself listening to music. I can never contribute to conversations, I just never have anything to say to others peoples statements.

People always tell me that I always look depressed. When I'm at school I literally go through a whole day of school not talking to ANYONE.

I do seem to easily attract girls when I'm happy and having fun.

I used to attract girls all the time in middle school but once I hit the age of 15 in high school, I changed a lot for some reason. I'm 18 now and a senior, and have felt this way all years of High school

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012):

"I only attract the really weird and creepy ones that I don't find attractive."

Okay, I have to ask: What do you find so "creepy" about these girls that like you? Do you even know them? If not, how can you say they are weird or creepy? I'm not trying to offend you in asking about this, but I do think your problem might be you're being a little too picky.

Regarding your follow up, I think you should just talk to the "ghetto" girl if you really like her. You don't have to have everything in common to get along, or to be a good match for each other. My husband and I have different tastes in movies, so instead of watching movies together when we're at home together, we watch t.v. shows that we both like, and play video games.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

It's just harder said than done though guys. Also there's this really hot girl at school that I'm interested in but she's hella loud and ghetto (from all the people that tell her that on facebook) but they still said she was cool. Surprisingly though she's not black, she's white with maybe something else in her (I'm half mexican half white). She's also into realllly ghetto music. I really don't care for that music though. Do little things such as personal interests, affect your chances of getting with someone? I personally think that as long as you can make a girl laugh and her enjoy being around you, she'll develop feelings for you.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (30 November 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou said the whole key to this all by yourself:

You said: People always tell me that I always look depressed. When I'm at school I literally go through a whole day of school not talking to ANYONE.

THEN YOU SAID:

I do seem to easily attract girls when I'm happy and having fun.

So the key is that you need to be happy and have fun.

If you feel sad and depressed you probably need to talk to your medical professional about some intervention… probably a bit of cognitive therapy and maybe even a short term of anti-depressants… sometimes all we need is to reset our own chemicals with a little help. IT does not mean you will have to be on them long term.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012):

Get happy and fun again OP ad stop all this bullshit about attracting girls, we're the ones who have to do the chasing. You're going to live a long, sad, lonely life if your confidence and happiness depends on them showing a visible attraction to you. You're a guy, you have to do the chasing and you have to have a life that's attractive to share.

Stop playing Call of Duty and find a social hobby, martial arts or a team sport.

But seriously man 90% of us guys, including me never "attract" girls, we have to pursue them and the smart ones of us don't need a sign of attraction to do that either, we make her attracted and make her interested. Unless your as pretty as one of those gay guys from one direction or as a rich as Bieber then they're not going to go weak at the knees just looking at you, have to show women what's attractive about you and women of every age are attracted to happy, outgoing, confident guys so get on that and make that you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012):

Life is all about selling yourself really. Its like if you wanted to sell a car, if you don't put a sticker in the window advertising it, people aren't going to be interested and approach it because they won't think/know its available.

The same with people, if you just blend into the background with everything else, people aren't really going to notice you because you're not standing out from the crowd. Also if you sit there with your headphones in, you're not going to give the impression you're interested in socialising.

People only approach what seems approachable.

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (30 November 2012):

Honeygirl agony auntHon, get you mom to take you to a dr for a check up - sounds like you might be a bit depressed.

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