A
female
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anonymous
writes:Is it a generational thing that makes a man a player? Are younger men more likely to be players than say men in their 40's or 50's? What makes a guy a player? What is a player? And finally why don't men chose to be more open and honest about their intentions, is it because they are not sure of what they want? Does a player ever fall in love, if he does will he stop his player lifestyle, ever? How can I keep from being played when it takes 6 months or more to truly know a persons character, I don't want to waste 6 plus months getting played? Whew!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): I believe players are emotionally stunted people. They need the attention and excitement and newness provided by meeting someone and they do not want anyone to get know them enough that they would think any less of them than that they are great. They are usually also very needy.....they need compliments and constant attention. You would never know it from first impressions but they will never let you know them well enough to see their true make-up.
Something happened to them in childhood that they are never able to outgrow, usually neglect. P.S. don't think you can rescue them, they usually have a disorder that is not curable.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 Hi,
this question was posed on our local newspaper.
One of the guys ( a real player ) was 44 years old, a succesful businessman and had never had a relationship last more than a few weeks in his entire life. His viewpoint was that the women he meet simply aren't special enough to keep him interested. This in a way defined the pysche behind the player to me: Ego, pure and simple. They are egomaniancs who by wining and dining and wooing women lose interest the moment the conquest has succeded, they have little empathy and moreover, they are unable to comprehend why a man should stick with one woman.
I think the easiest way to pick a player is they approach new relationships like a contest. Any guy who heaps and unusual amount of praise, gifts, attention onto a woman is not looking at developing a relationship they are looking to win a contest.
Do players fall in love? That's a hard one as many players get married , have kids, then go about their merry way as usual. Do they love their wives? They probably think they do, but they don't , they only love themselves.
I guess the best way to figure this out is to employ the old adage, "if its too good to be true it generally is". If a man is so into you , so sure and confident in himself and makes you feel like the only woman on earth then tread very carefully.
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A
female
reader, baby duck +, writes (25 February 2008):
 First of all, there's plenty of females in that group of 'players'; they're not all male.
Second of all, if someone is too good to be true ... he probably is.
Third of all, live by your own rules. Don't put out easily. What is the rule? I don't know ... but if you have sex by the third date and find your heart keeps getting broken, maybe you ought to wait longer. "But he won't ask me out again if I don't have sex!" BINGO! If he's that kind of guy, wouldn't you rather he dump you before you got naked with him? Do you think you're going to keep him with sex? Is that the kind of relationship you want?
Finally ... maybe you ought to take a little break. You sound like you're in the market for a serious relationship. How about you change your goals? How about you learn about yourself, develop yourself through school and new experiences, and you meet a lot of people? Focus on your growth and, along the way, when you meet someone that interests you, you proceed s.l.o.w.l.y.
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (25 February 2008):
 Oops again. If you want an example, Pepé Le Pew is not a player. He falls in love, but doesn't perceive his own smell.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew + ♥, writes (25 February 2008):
Oops. As to why certain men (AND women) choose not to be open and honest about their intentions, that's an easy one. That happens when Player wants to take advantage from Played. Obviously, if Player spoke clearly, Played wouldn't be that easy to be played.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew + ♥, writes (25 February 2008):
Whew! So many questions, some difficult to answer.
No, it's not your generation that makes a man (or a woman) a player. History is there to let you know players have existed since history is recorded, at least. There are players in every generation.
I'm not sure whether younger men are more likely to be players than men in their forties or fifties. I believe that the reasons that make you a player can exist at any age.
I can't tell you what makes a man (or a woman) a player. That's too general a question.
I suppose a definition of a "player" is "a person who gets into relationships without really telling what he or she expects from it, or what the other party can expect from it either".
I suppose players do fall in love. I'm not sure that makes them stop their lifestyle.
Some time, someone will play you. You can't avoid that. What you can avoid is being played for long. And you can do that if you keep your eyes wide open (as in the nickname of a very good agony aunt).
If you start a relationship, there's no guarantee it will work. And then, relationships don't necessarily fail because one of the parties is a player. If you want the rose, you have to take the thorn, too; there's no guarantee that a relationship will work out. But I don't think that's "wasted" time in itself. It's part of the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): A player is generally a person that just uses women, and has a lot of women on the go, or has had lots of sex with different women. But I think this is a bit of a generalisation, and everyone can change, so why can't 'players'?! Personally I reckon every man goes through a stage where they just want women women women tits tits tits sex sex sex, but they can't just be branded a player for life because of this surely? In my opinion, a younger man is more likely to be a player because he's just learning and exploring, and has hormones controlling his body. But older men are just as capable, as we hear on the news every day, of horrible rape stories and what not. I'm sure a 'player' (I really dislike using that term) can fall in love - they're only human, we must not forget! They are just as likely to fall in love as anyone, and I believe that every one of us has a soulmate, so why shouldn't they? :] It's always gonna be hard to be able to decide whether a guy is right for you or not, or whether he is playing you, so just make sure you take things nice and slow. Generally, you'll see the signs of him playing you if he pressures you for sex or is very forward. Usually it shows when someone is only after the physical side of things. However, you can't spend your life worrying about things that could happen, so don't let it get to you TOO much honey. Well, I hope that answered a few questions :]
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