A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why doesn't this guy text or phone me more often??? We've been dating for 3 months- although haven't got intimate yet. He is always very charming and positive when we meet and as far as I know he's not seeing anyone else. So why does it seem like it's always me who starts the contact? I'm trying to play it cool and I do leave it for a few days before I make contact- he just says he's always been too busy but is glad to hear from me. What to do?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): My money is on, not that into you. Playing hard to get is not really something we guys do if we're interested in a girl because usually we're expected to make all the initial effort, so it would be self defeating. Plus it's been 3 months, that's a bit late for playing hard to get.
'He could be that way' doesn't explain the generic 'too busy' excuse. Too busy is a bad one in my mind. Too busy is something you say to someone when you don't really have an excuse and couldn't really be bothered thinking of a good one.
A guy that's into you will use any excuse to contact you, there really is no such thing as too busy in my mind for someone you really like. I've had times in my life where I worked 12 hours a day, 6 days a week for months at a time. I'd still text or call on my breaks because not only was I thinking about the girl but there's nothing better than a bit of chat with someone you like, to take the edge off the long hours.
Saying all that it has been 3 months with no intimacy, personally I find that a little strange. That to me would be more of a friendship. Do you have reasons for this or has it just not happened yet, are yee officially dating? Because if it's been 3 months and he hasn't actually tried to get intimate with you then that would be a bad sign in my mind.
Perhaps you're playing it too cool and the relationship has stagnated a bit. Has his effort waned since you first got together or has he always kind of been like this?
Look without any details, this is all really just speculation, remember I could be wrong. But for me the signs all point to this being more casual than you'd like.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Well, he could be playing hard to get, or he could just not be that into you. How often do you see eachother? I know that I hate the phone, so I'm not always the best about making calls or texts. He could be that way too. If it is always you who has to make the contact, that is not a good sign. You might have to see how long it takes before he reaches out. If it takes more than a week, I'd just drop him. I'm sure you can find someone more interested.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): It's only been three months...this is the "getting to know you stage." Dont' rush anything...he isn't that into you right now and you should have the same attitude that he does. KEEP YOUR DISTANT. Guys are suppose to chase the woman..it shoudn't be the other way around. If you show him to early on that you more attention, he will take this as a sign of weakness and he will take advantage of you--even if he is a "good guy" by nature. I know people say you shouldn't play games..but it's not about playing games--there is a role that men and women are suppose to take on in this society and it's best to act accord. or you will end up with a broken heart.
Besides, it takes about a good year to 18 months to really get to know someone or know if that is someone you want a relationship with. To be honest with you, relationships is something that just should happen AFTER the emotional connection is in tact and made. So many women focus so much attention on the relationship and marriage aspect instead of the emotional which is far more important. Thousands of people are married and in relationship, yet there isn't a emotional committment. I would rather have a person make an emotional committment and not ask me for a relationship rather than the other way around. A relationship doesn't prove anything accept showing the world that you are with someone---that's it. Now a marraige is a committment in front of God I believe...it's more of a committment to God that one will be faithful to that one person and produce children and create an inhert. system.
Buy a book called "Why men love bitches" by Sherry Argov...it's a great book and gives advice on how a woman should carry herself through the dating process and in a relationship. There is also a book by the same author titled "Why men marry bitches" that is also just as great.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (29 July 2010):
 He has nothing to say. Guys don't call just to talk, we call for a purpose. Does he call to set up dates on a regular basis? Does he actually show up for those dates? Once you get intimate, he'll call the day after sex to make you feel special, and once he's acknowledged that he still respects you, he'll hang up and call again when he's ready for a date. To a guy, that's everything that needs to be done.
You could try texting or phoning him, and he might humor you, but he will probably find it mostly annoying. Some guys learn to fake interest in random chitchat; this one sounds like he is honest enough not to care. Relax, it's normal, and he's still interested.
...............................
|
