A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for almost three months now and we became sexually active after the first month. To cut a long story short, he broke up with his ex to be with me as he had had feelings for me for months and i did for him but we never told each other. We were friends for 7 months before we got together so he used to tell me alot about his ex. The thing thats worrying me is the fact that his sex life with his ex was hell of a lot more active than ours. They used to have sex daily and he said the sex was fantastic (his ex was his first sexual partner) but that was the only good thing in their relationship. However, with us its a completely different story.The first time we had sex he apologised to me the next day saying sorry if it was rubbish or didnt last long enough but he was nervous. I said he had nothing to apologise about and i enjoyed it and he said he enjoyed it too, he was just a bit disappointed but practice makes perfect. That threw me a bit because i thought the sex was good but he obviously didnt.We've now only had sex 4 times and he kept stopping half way through. Ive written to Dear Cupid about this because I wasnt sure why he kept stopping and got some great advice (thank u :-) ). He basicaly said it was because i am quiet in bed and he could never tell if he was satisfying me so it put him off of sex. However, we've had a proper chat about this and things seem to be sorted and theres no awkward atmosphere between us anymore.However, ive stayed round his since then but he still wont have sex. Maybe it was because he was tired (which i know he was) but its just making me feel like rubbish because i know i dont satisfy him sexually like his ex does. Its getting to the point where im scared to have sex with him now because i know it will disappoint him as things were better sexually with his ex and i dont want him to be disapointed.I apologised to him for not being more like his ex at sex and he said "i am really happy ur my girlfriend in all ways and i know things will eventually be great with u"but why doesnt he want to have sex? am i that bad? its really knocking my confidence. what should i do?
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broke up, confidence, his ex, sex life Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, jimmie +, writes (12 April 2008):
Don't put all the blame on yourself because almost certainly it is not your fault! I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and we are in a similar situation at the moment. We both love each other but our sex life is not great and we're rarely in the mood.
My girlfriend is very quiet in bed and this is possibly because we both live in shared houses, which she is very conscious of. My confidence did take a knock when we were first going out as I couldn't tell whether or not she was enjoying herself. Try guiding your boyfriend whilst your in bed, putting his hand where you like to be touched etc. and let him know how much you are enjoying it! I'm sure that he will respond positively and this will up his confidence.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): What I'm wondering is how long was he with his ex and is he finding it hard to be with someone else. It sounds like your being a quiet lover affects his ego. I read somewhere that men think it's good sex when the woman really enjoys herself.
You are not his ex. Don't try to be. If he wants it to work out eventually he will have to open up to you. Maybe there are things he likes to do that he's too shy to tell you. He has to talk to you because he's saying it's ok and yet it isn't.
I'd also ask whether he has any feelings left for his ex and whether he'd really rather be with you or not.
There is nothing wrong with you.
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A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (11 April 2008):
Had the same problem with my BF,although i didnt know there was a name for it ERECTILE DYSFUNTION,not saying that is what is wrong with your bf,but sounds similar,on the odd occassions we tried to have sex at all,he either couldnt get erection or it didnt last long enough for penetration,like you i felt unnatractive and wondered why i didnt turn him on.My bf said he had no sex drive at all and was totally inexperienced and was always apologising and saying he would be better next time (exactly like yours)I would put money on it that he had same probs with old g/f and is saving face by saing all was well,my b/f eventually admitted to me that he has had no sex drive for about 7 years,he has now split with me and I think this is the reason although he won't admit it.The male ego is a very fragile thing and you do need to tread carefully
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