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*atures relic
writes:She dresses HOT for work, low tops, flouncy skirts, sometimes no panties. When she comes home she dresses down, pyjamas instead of negligee, baggy pants instead of skirt, baggy dresses etc. I see all the answers saying this is innocent and to just talk to her an explain your feelings and all will be right, but I've foolishly done that and nothing changes, other than she dresses even hotter for work, lower and lower cut, more and more provocative, and more and more drab at home. I feel I'm loosing her. She already bitched about me asking her to wear certain clothes and hates me pointing things out in the store, which she lets me buy for her then only wears for work. What is happening??? Reply to this Question
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reader, Natures relic +, writes (31 August 2011):
Natures relic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that, I truly enjoyed reading that. LOTS of info and a lot of good sense. Actually, I've already set into motion a lot of what you've said but for different reasons, mainly I'm just simply done. What will be will be and I'm going to start taking care of me and stop worrying about anyone else. I'm going to hit the forums you mention, VERY interesting. Thanks again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): It's really impossible to know for sure what is going on. Dressing up for work can be a sign someone is interested in someone else and/or cheating. Or, it could be nothing more than a need for attention.My wife does this to some extent also. When we first started seeing each other, I thought she dressed provocatively because she was looking to flirt with other men, possibly hook up with them, etc. After awhile, I realized she is actually rather clueless about the difference between approval of her as a person and sexual interest. My wife is somewhat unusual, however, and I'm merely using this as an example of a possible explanation for your wife's actions.I'm not sure why she's doing it, but it does appear that she is attempting (perhaps successfully) to raise her attractiveness level. They guy at the married man sex blog (you can google it) has a theory that all men and women have an overall attractiveness rating and people tend to get married to people who have a similar overall rating. If one person has a higher rating, that person will tend to have more power in the relationship. Also, if one of the two spouses raises his/her sex rating by losing weight, making more money (a key factor in male rating), etc., it tends to make the other spouse uncomfortable because it creates an imbalance in the relationship in terms of power.As I understand it, his basic theory is that if you want your wife to be attracted to you, you need to raise your own attractiveness rating so you are your wife's best overall "option" in terms of the men she can get. Men should evaluate themselves to determine if they are high on alpha male traits or beta male traits. The key is to get both of them higher, but focus on your weak points the most.If my understanding of this thinking is correct, my impression is that you are displaying a lot of beta male traits by worrying about what your wife wears in public, and by displaying weakness (e.g. "I give whenever and how ever, she dictates, she snaps her fingers and I jump, I fear losing an opportunity") If you make yourself into a doormat and worry constantly about what she's wearing, you look weak. She may also be "testing" you to see if she can walk all over you. (find the "testing" discussion on the blog I mentioned above) If it is a test, you are probably failing miserably. Oddly enough, trying too hard to please a woman can make you look weak and it can have the opposite effect. My suggestion is to try to stop worrying about what she is wearing, and try to increase your own alpha male traits. Work out, get yourself into shape (if you're out of shape). Try wearing and doing what you want, be assertive (but not controlling), flirt with other women a little so she knows other women find you attractive. Try to make yourself as attractive as possible so she will want you.If nothing works and she does end up cheating, you may have to find someone else eventually. But, you can be sure there is someone else out there who has a similar ranking to you, and you can find that person if need be.I really can't say for sure if the whole theory is correct, but it sure can't hurt to make yourself as attractive as possible to your wife. Also, working on the things you actually have control over (yourself) will probably help get you out of this passive, worrying mode you seem to be in.Just my thoughts.
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male
reader, Natures relic +, writes (29 August 2011):
Natures relic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTennisstar, tried the counselling, she bailed.
The garments I hanker for are the garments she wore from day 1, then suddenly changed. To be fair, like I said, it's not so much garments as intent. You mention wearing your husbands shirt, if she picked out one of mine I'd be all over her like a dog in heat! I don't honestly know. We've talked again, maybe I got through and past the assumptions, maybe not, but my stance now is to simply go with the flow. What happens happens, what doesn't don't.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 August 2011):
 So like I guessed, the problems runs deeper than baggy sweatpants vs. crotchless panties. There's communication issues and a tug of war when it comes to control. Something must have happened or it's been like this all along...and perhaps she's getting tired of the same old thing day and day out. I can only point out the issues I see with what info you have provided. There's more to the story hear.
As to why she's doing this, I have no idea. Other than what I suggested. That's something you're going to have to find out from her yourself. But since you two struggle with communication, that doesn't look like it's going to happen. Like I suggested, marriage counseling. The counselor will actually teach you exercises to help you to better communicate in your marriage, rather than a circle of arguments.
For the record, my husband doesn't suggest sexy things for me to wear. I also wear sweat pants, his shirts around the house because it's more comfortable and practical than wearing booty shorts and cropped tops. I dress up for him when we go out, but that's about it. My point was if he was on my case to buy this scantily clad outfits rather than what I've worn from day 1 we've been together, then I wouldn't buy or wear them for him. Because that's not my style and I don't like him telling me what to wear. That's just my opinion.
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reader, Natures relic +, writes (28 August 2011):
Natures relic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTennisstar, Sorry, you're wrong, I give whenever and how ever, she dictates, she snaps her fingers and I jump, I fear losing an opportunity. I don't so much tell her what to wear as beg her to make a little effort for me occassionally, like once every now and then choose something just for me for a few hours, I don't need to tell her what to wear, she has a huge closet full of clothes that look great on her and acentuate her existing beauty. It's not so much the clothes as the attitude and intent, she can look super hot in football gear, equally she can look drab in a sheer negligee with 'Do Me!' emblazoned across it. She doesn't so much tell me what to wear as tell me what she thinks I look good in, so in an effort to impress guess what I wear.If your husband told you what to wear etc.. but do you already? Is there a need for him to ask or tell or is it freely given with love and lust?Communication.... I say "tomato", she hears "PBJ sandwich"
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reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 August 2011):
"That's all good not telling her what to wear, so as long as she does the same."
Does she tell you what to wear?
I'm confused. First you say that she dresses hot, sexy, cleavage baring tops for work and baggy sweat pants at home. You're jealous that she doesn't try to dress like that for you. You even pick out clothing for her to wear for you and she doesn't. Actually, you're trying to tell her how to dress. No woman wants to hear that. Then in your follow-up you say she's dressing inappropriately. Which is it, inappropriately hot?
Basically you want her to wear these tart get-ups for you and she isn't. If I was constantly being told by my husband that I need to wear this and that, I wouldn't wear it for him either. But I wouldn't exactly, go wearing it to work and no under garments. That just says she's looking for male attention. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm drawing the conclusion you don't give her any in her sweat pant attire.
You also failed to answer the question if you two have had any fights lately. Judging by your follow-up there seems to be more under-lying issues in this marriage than provocative clothing. If you're having trouble communicating in your marriage, it's best you seek marriage counseling to find out the root of the problem in this marriage.
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reader, Natures relic +, writes (28 August 2011):
Natures relic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe's my wife. That's all good not telling her what to wear, so long as she does the same. She works in an office setting. I don't have a concern with the nice and pretty clothes, that's great, I have a concern with unappropriate clothing. She does look sexy with or without, but only when she wants to show that, but doesn't. Finally, my biggest concern is with her lack of consideration for my feelings, about anything. It's never a coming together with love and compassion, it's always a battle stance.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 August 2011):
 Maybe because it's more comfortable to wear baggy pants at home? And she sees you trying to tell her what to wear as controlling?
The situation needs more detail.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): What exactly does she do for a living? Does her job require her to dress like that? Maybe she feels uncomfortable in those clothes and can't wait to get home and change into something comfortable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Have you asked her if there are problems in your relationship?
Have you asked her if she is no longer interested?
Could she be made about something else between the two of you and therefore she is not caring how she looks around you?
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reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 August 2011):
Who is she? Your wife, girlfriend? It's relevant info that needs to be provided.
How would you describe your relationship? Have you had any nasty fights lately?
Perhaps she's dressing like a tart for a promotion or she's trying to attract male attention because maybe it's lacking from you. Or maybe she's cheating on you.
You know a female doesn't have to prance around in negligees or low cut tops in order to be sexy. How's about you remind her how sexy she looks in sweat pants and see if her attitude towards you changes. You really can't tell her what she can wear, and where to...so I'd stop trying.
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