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Why does my LDR girlfriend seem so interested in sex until we are together?

Tagged as: Long distance, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 August 2014) 5 Answers - (Newest, 20 August 2014)
A male Andorra age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone

I'll keep it as brief as I can.

I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 2.5 years. we can see each other every 6 months or so.

When we are apart, she talks about sex often, how much she wants it next time we meet etc. Sometimes she sends me photos and seems very interested in having sex.

Yet when we meet, suddenly she says she doesn't feel ready, doesn't want to get pregnant while we are far away from each other etc. she doesn't ever visit me, I always visit her. So sometimes I feel like she isn't really as committed to the relationship as I am.

she is still a virgin. As am I. she is 25 and I am 24.

I don't mind waiting if that is what she wants, but I find it strange that she seems to change her mind so often. I have never asked her to do it and when we are apart she is always the most interested in it and often wants to have cyber-sex. I can wait for her, but i do find it frustrating when she changes her mind the day before I to visit her.

what do you think? does it seem like there is something wrong or do you understand why she is acting that way?

Thanks!

View related questions: long distance, still a virgin

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2014):

I do that too. Don't worry, it's more of a way to let a guy know there will be sexual tension after marriage...especially since most guys wont marry a girl unless there's great sex. I doubt it has anything to do with her not being committed. And I know sometimes it feels like she's not committed since you're the only one to commute but TRUST me, you want her friends and family see you as the Prince that comes to see his Princess, not as her being a long distance booty call for you. I know it's not fair. You sound like a really decent guy, and she sounds like a girl with GREAT standards, try to see it from a zoomed out lense. Hope this helps and good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2014):

It seems like she wants to have sex but is afraid of the consequences. "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" kind of thing. It's a game for us women sometimes. You need to have a discussion with her and tell her how you feel about constant change of mind. It's not ok for her to create these visions in your head and then deny them to you. Also, LDR are two way streets. If she's not putting in the same amount of effort as you are then maybe she's not as into the relationship as you are

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A male reader, Dodds Kenya +, writes (17 August 2014):

Dodds agony auntHow do you know that she's a virgin? What, she told you?She wants sex yeah but probably not with you. The fact she puts little to no effort in the relationship says alot about where the relationship is at.

Long distance relationships suck big time and and are notoriously difficult to maneuver. Have you sat and really thought about what you want and expect from a partner in a relationship? Coz that is the beginning of a roadmap to what you consider acceptable &amp; what you feel is unacceptable behavior in a relationship.

Key ingredients in a good relationship have many components, two key ones of which are *the emotional/love and *the physical/sexual

The presence of the two lead to the development of many other components such as trust, faithfulness, understanding,goodwill etc

Why is she acting the way she is? Hard to say. Probably to keep you interested and not have you drift away and "get it" from somewhere else yet she doesn't feel fire for you like she used to. Kind of like a having your cake and eat it situation. But it's hard to say. Maybe she met someone but it hasn't gone far, or has been going on for a long time. Bottom line if both partners are not investing in each other and in the relationship, then it's heading or already gone off-track.

Personally I DON'T DO LDR!! Don't make hasty decisions towards any particular end, just take your time and gauge her mind and heart to establish where she is at and where she feels the relationship is at.

Good luck!!

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A female reader, queenofspades71010 United States +, writes (17 August 2014):

queenofspades71010 agony aunti think its because she is a virgin, she probably wants it so bad when u guys are apart because its like being in a safe place where its not really happening but its like a fantasy that she wants it so bad and then when it gets close to the time you both are going to be within touching distance thefear sets in that it is real, and its not a bad thing it would probably be way different if you two lived closer together, cus she would have that fantasy wanting and the fear on a day to day basis rather than a 6month long i want it i want it now and then a day or two before you show up of fear and nerves, she would have it all on a day to day basis and its difficult for women who are virgins for as long as she has been to deal with those serious fears because she is old enough to know the risks, understand the reality of what sex is and can be, it can bring pregnancy and no virgin wants to get pregnant on the first shot but condoms help and definitely use them!!! lol but...as a suggestion maybe talk to her about foreplay, taking things slowly when you meet next, see about maybe having just some touching and kissing and not letting it go any further, give her the control of the situation but say no sex until she is readyfor it but it doesnt hurt to just ask if she wants to maybe experiment a little clothes on touching or even some foreplay, no insertion of fingers or anything like that but touch is a powerful thing, and eating her out is a good thing too but only if she is up for it...no pressure just give her the time to prepare for certain things, not every girl goes into getting herself eaten out and likes it the first time it happens because sometimes all we can do is think the whole time, does it taste wierd, does it smell, is he enjoying it, etc. and we forget to enjoy it ourselves....i hope this helps and sorry it was so long :-P

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2014):

Assuming she lives in another country if you can only visit every 6 months?

Have you considered ASKING her calmly, but specifically? Try that and explain what you have here about being fine waiting for her, but it's unfairly teasing to change her mind last minute.

Have you considered a relationship with someone local? Instead of this relationship, not as well as.

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