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Why does my husband like to watch me have sex with other men?

Tagged as: Sex, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2007) 19 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My husband likes to watch me have sex with other men we have already done it with 3 differnt men.it has been a while since weve done and it is driving him crazy he cant wait to do it again,why does he want to share me if he is so in love with me and thinks i am hot.and he is a really jealous person. how can he do that?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010):

Sharing you with another man underscores a deep-seated desire to utterly control you - an almost uncontainable erotic sensation. This desire is simultaneously painful and orgasmic and yet can only be truly felt by someone who is completely and desperately in love with you. Also more than likely he is into self-denial, that is, seeing what he wants but not being able to have it. Remember, stay within the limits that you two set for each encounter. I believe he probably wants you to fully enjoy these sexcapades showing enthusiam both physically and verbally. Talk candidly with your husband to find out what he wants to see - tell him to be precise so that you can please him. Always communicate openly and fully to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings later. Good luck and have fun.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010):

I hate it I pretend to like it hoping I may one day... It disguises me on so many levels but i wish I could be the person my husband wants me to be I just cant but why do I feel so bad I really dont want to feel bad but i do but i feel guilty for nor pleasing him im just really confused?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010):

My wife and I have been enjoying this lifestyle for over 11 years. I am totally faithful to her and her alone, and no I'm not a wimp by any definition. My very beautiful wife is now having very regular sex with her 51st lover, since we took our vows nearly 12 years ago. We really don't care what others think about us, but I'm here to tell you, not by fantasy, but by living an amazing lifestyle. We share a relationship together that I really doubt that many share the love and happiness we do. I agree this is not for everyone, but it can be awesome for the right couple. R&T

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010):

A possible answer is that your husband might feel pleasure when others are sexually pleased other than himself. If you are not comfortable in this action, than don't do it.

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A male reader, rootboy United States +, writes (26 January 2010):

My wife has a long time out of town lover who is married and passes through on business roughly five times a year. To quote her: "I was in love with him once, but I could never live with him, I just like his dick." I think some of the attraction for me is the scent she develops after one of their sessions. I recall a few years ago when she slipped a pad into her black panties while getting dressed to go see him at his hotel; I knew that when she returned the pad would be soaked with their juices. It really turned me on. He and I have both had vasectomies and so pregnancy was never a problem, at least later in the relationship.

I am a latent bisexual who does not really care for guys, I really and truly love women. Maybe it is a realization of the power women yield with their sex...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009):

It is not that unusual. Many men like to see their wives with other men, opposite race men, or old or young men.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009):

i hated the idea of having sex as my hubby watched , infact it nearly finished my marriage, but how wrong was i .. it was tremendous , the first time i wasnt sure how hubby would react , i even think its made us stronger , we only do it on holiday , once or twice a year ,i think thats enough , we live of the excitement always looking forward to our next break ... never ever do it with friends , always with someone you will never bump into again , share your experience with no one , keep it private just between the two of you .. we bonk like rabbits now lol

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2009):

He either just enjoys watching you be a slut or he just likes the control of you doing it for him. Yes, he still loves you and probably loves you even more for fulfilling his desire.

I don't see a problem with it. You're pleasing your husband. Makes you a good wife.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009):

It turns him on to see you being satisfied by another man. You should ask your husband to join in. You can get a nice DP. Also, try a man of another race. You will have lots to talk about when you are making love to your husband alone.

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A female reader, Lily27 United States +, writes (9 January 2009):

This is not wrong, it's just NOT for everyone.

Before the first night I saw my 3 year old boyfriend with another girl, I was planning to dump him afterwards, so that gave me the courage to just let go and go for it. Little did I know, after seeing him with this other girl...omg, I WAS HOOKED. Turned me on in sooo many levels it's not even funny. We dared to do it many other times, always careful and picky with who we chose. This was the LOVE of my life, our love wasn't less after that at all, on the contrary it somehow made our relationship even better and more fun. BUT this was us, crazy couple that we always had been and knew it was "level 2", just sex.

After that relationship I was dating someone else and went on a weekend getaway with a female friend of ours. We where partying and drinking, went back to the room where, without me doing much one thing led to another and I saw them get it on too...again, loved it. While I was showering he came in the bathroom and grabbed me, very violently and cried, telling me he didn't want to do that. See what I mean? And so I learned, it's not for everyone.

I am now married to a wonderful man (but keep my fantasies of him and others girl, works like sharm). I have also let him know but not so sure this is for him since he is way more reserved than anyone I ever known and shows little/no interest when I talk about it. I would never pressure him to do anything that would make him feel uncomfortable*

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has these fantasies lol but again I repeat, it's not for everyone.

AND it does not mean they love you less.

=)

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A male reader, ccmb India +, writes (10 December 2008):

Me, male married for 15 years. I too had a fantacy of my wife having sex with someone else, some one known to us both. We have discussed it, though never used a third person but have verbally talked during sex as if the third person was having sex. She would call me by the other persons name while we have coitus and that really turns me on and also her.

Its usually 3 males, One is my younger brother Basant, second is my school mate Ashok an the third is our next door neighbour Ratan.

We love talking about Basant the most. We talk as if we are having an illicit sex not known to the wife of Basant... its been awesome for years. And then it happened, my wife confided in me that Basant has actually been making pass at her. I urged her to encourage him. She would tell me how Basant was praising her (my wife) touching her as if inadverently. Once at his home , he was asleep , all alone, my wife went there for some purpose and woke him , he got up and kissed her hard on lips naming his own wife and then apologised saying he though it was her wife. Well to tell it in short he ultimately told my wife : "Bhabhi, I wish to have you." But they needed space and privacy for it. but even before that the consent of my wife was needed. I persuaded her to agree and she reluctantly agreed, and I made her promise not to back out, she accepted though it happened while she was hot and we were having sex. After having been spent after orgasms she refused and said it is better to continue the fantasy rather than do it actually.

Our sex life improved as Basant continued to woo my wife. He would make hot talks on phone and did a lot to woo my wife. Then it happened , Basant was going to New Delhi to bring his wife from his inlaws place, our home is near the Station and the train was at late night. He requested my wife to pack some food for his journey and that he would come over to our place at 9 PM , the train was at 11.45 PM.

I was so excited that had a hardon that wont go down. I hatched a plan and told my wife that I shall return only after 11.30 and that she should take full advantage of the opportunity. Well they had a gala time, giving details would make it porno!! But ever since our sex life has also improved and in last three years Basant had actual sex with my wife on 6 occassions.... I only get to know the details second hand as my wife has point blank refused to do it in my presence with Basant. Even refused to allow me to have a look hidden somewhere, where Basant wont know I am watching. She also refused to have it with my School Frind Ashok with whom I am very free and he openly accepted to me that he had hots for my wife.

Why such thought come to a husband is not known to me, but they come and does not diminish the love for wife.

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A male reader, mwfwntsxxxchat United States +, writes (18 September 2008):

I'm only 26 and I feel exactly how you describe your husband. My wife and I are going into our 6th year of marriage very soon. My wife is only the 3rd person I've had sex with. She was much more experienced than I was when her and I started having sex. About 3 weeks before we got married, she asked me what I wanted to do (sexually). I asked her what she had done and she told me to name stuff and she'd say whether or not she had done it. First thing on my list was if she had sex with 2 guys at once. She said she hadn't but had always wanted to. That was all I needed to hear. For 4 years about once a month I would drop a little hint that I really wanted her to. Not that she didn't know, she was VERY aware that I wanted to watch her with me and another guy. Well, just a few months ago, I found out the my wife was talking to a guy behind my back. Now, for years I had told my wife that I didn't care who she talked to or what she did, I just wanted to know about it. This was the second time that I found out she was talking to a guy behind my back. I got really upset that she had been decieving me and long story short, the whole thing was amended and she started talking to other guys. It was only about a month later that she met up with her first guy by herself. When she came home, she told me she had made out with him in the parking lot and felt his dick through his pants. I was so turned on and so was she. Over the course of the next couple months, she met up with about 6 different guys. Some guys she met multiple times, others were only one time. But to answer your question, I feel weird to, I don't know why I love it so much, but I absolutely LOVE to watch my wife with other guys. I seeing her get satisfied by other guys and even more so, it makes our sex so much better when she comes home after. AND, like your husband, I am very jealous too. Recently we had a fight because I found out she was talking to a guy who I knew wanted her to leave me. I let her talk to just about anyone, but I won't let anyone jeapordize our marriage. I know it sounds weird, but certain guys I don't want her to talk to at all. And she's usually okay with that. In the end, our relationship is very strong and healthy and a lot of fun.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008):

why you like to have your husband watch you having sexwith another man?why do it if you dont like it,dont blame him only,blame yourself or just enjoy it both of you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008):

My wife at 32 used to feel the same as you. First please understand we love one another very much and have been together now for nearly twenty years.

My wife was and is hot. She has always been hit on her entire life by men and sometimes women. She could easily be in Penthouse Fifteen years ago she thought I was nuts when I told her I wanted to see her with other guy. She questioned my love for her, thought it was too weird to be healthy.

But she was confused because she did know I loved her and always cared for her. At first she did agree so she did it just for me. We were carful and we selected a friend of ours who was married. I loved it. It was so erotic to see her being ravaged. There is sex with love. This was just hot sex. It was like a sweet treat and nothing more. Both of us had her several times and each time I encouraged her to get out of it what SHE wanted and to try to just let go and be naughty. I also told her how much she meant to ber.

She still thought I was crazy the next time I asked her.. but again she did it to please me. Again I told her over and over how much I loved her for what she doing.. and to try to get what SHE wanted. About e months later and with her fifth man she had a couple of orgasms.

She know I love her. She realizes how hot I am for her and I have always been true her. She has grown to appreciate and enjoy her sexual freedom. We don't cheat but every once in a while we will have a treat. She now picks and chooses men she wants to perform with.

We did go through a challenging time where she really got angry and set out to see if I really loved her. I had brought home 3 different men in less than a week at she nearly left. She was really angry. So I apologized and we went on short 4 day holiday to Aruba. She started picking up men openly and bringing back to the room to watch them. She went through a lot of men in those 4 days. Dozens and dozens of condoms. Each time she asked me if I still thought she was hot. On the third day she only did two men at a time. On the fourth day I begged her no more and apologized to her for being so selfish. She was no longer angry. She accepted my apology and we spent the rest of the day together and a romantic dinner.

Since then we have our wild times a few times year. She tells me she wants to have me watch her with and I set it up. Sometimes she wants three of us. She later confessed that she discovered her true sexual self when we were in Aruba. And she stopped being mad at about midnight of the second day. The third day she took my advice and totally submitted herself to her feelings and took what she wanted. So she decided her third day would be a day of doubles for her. She said it liberating to show her submission with multiple men in front of me. Because in a strange way it gave her power.

I love her very much and I look forward to the next twenty years.

My advice... is you obviously are proving your love by doing what he wants... take the opportunity and discover your own sexuality.

Respect one another and stay loving to one another. Don't be negative and try to make him jealous. By submitting you'll have the real power... the power of choice of doing what and when you want. Life is short. Enjoy

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007):

I think Marcellas hit the nail on the head. I was trying to get the words to describe it but couldn't come up with it any better. It is my number one fantasy with my wife as well. I am an very jealous person when it comes to her which makes it feel even more alien to me. Another thing I think makes it seem enjoyable is the fact that I think my wife is beautiful and a great lover. When we are making love, I only get to see her from certain angles. I've used a video camera but then I am limited to one angle. I'm also constantly thinking of how we should be positioned etc which definitely takes away from the passion.

I'm not sure how I would do it if she gave me a green light. Times are so dangerous now with STD's that you definitely couldn't trust a stranger. If you did have a friend you could trust that will cause problems as well. You have to see this guy after it happens. That can open another can of worms in itself.

I'm not real sure what the solution is, but I can say that you husband is living what I masturbate to 99% of the time...

Male, 32, jealous husband

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007):

This will end in heartache.

Put an end to it now. No more. Finito.

You'll probably end up wanting to be with one of the other guys instead of your husband, which will no doubt piss him off slightly. Jealousy and divorce will surely follow in short order.

Phil

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007):

I disagree. Asking you to boink other men so he can 'watch' is not an act of love and cherishment, at all. I hope these men you have had sex with, are not complete strangers, dear. Having sex with strangers can put you at risk for a host of problems. (Std's, AIDS, pregnancies) . So please remember, you are under no obligation to risk contracting an STD, just to indulge your husband sexual wants and needs. So, you ask ..how can he do that? Your husband has a fetish. He gets sexually turned on seeing other men boink you. It's a means to fulfilling his own, personal sexual fantasy. But can I ask. Is doing this...fulfilling you? How does it make you feel? Are you doing this just for him, or are you doing it for 'you', as well? Is this a shared experience that both of you savor and enjoy? I sure hope so.

While having sex with other men is totally your choice and perhaps this sexual exploration works for your marriage...I can honestly state that many of us gals out here, prefer a man in our life, who would not want to see us boinking other men. Personally, I tend to find sex without some level of love and emotional attachement to be lonely, empty and unsatisfying. I would find it demoralizing and exploitive and I would really question if my partner truely loved me, to ask me to do such a thing. I believe in the sharing of two lives, I believe in fidelity in every way. So, my dear...put your needs, your health ahead of your hubby's sexual fetishes, if you feel the need to..I'd hate to see you pay a huge price, just to give him his self-involved thrills. Please be careful and look out for your physical and emotional health. Take care, hun and good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007):

I am a 40 yr old married man and have been married for 13 yrs. I too would LOVE to see my wife have sex with other men - and YES I do LOVE her very much. Men in general are very visual, we get turned on by watching - ie. porn on video, internet etc. We use or imaginations when masterbating, and the thought of ACTUALLY seeing it done is a HUGE turn on. Your husband does LOVE you and the fact that you are willing to do it for him (and yourself) is great. I hope you are not forced into this but instead are willing and that you do it because you want to as well. If you are not happy with this scene then you should tell your husband that though you love him and enjoy making him happy this is not what you want to do and he will understand. I am very happy to see that you were willing to do it and 3 times now WOW

Keep having fun and enjoy (if and only if you do) and dont worry I believe that your Husband loves you a lot and is very grateful for you.

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A male reader, Marcellas United States +, writes (12 July 2007):

It's the nervous intensity, the taboo and the jealousy and the extreme aspect of this that makes it the number one fantasy that men have.. all over the web, wherever men chat this is the number one fantasy thing.... most dont ever get to really experience it,... no kidding, its very common. I must admit, I'd like to watch my wife with another guy. It wont happen, but the idea is outrageous and titillating. We have been into pixxx taking, just us, one other guy once, no sex, just her posing for us,,,, that was extreme. If you've done it 3 times, he is enjoying the intensity and wanting more. Keep a handle on it. Like anything, it takes more and more to get the same zing. If you manage to keep it seldom, and only when you are up for it, and make the rules and all, it will be ok i'd suppose. dont go in for wilder and wilder scenarios. keep it small and simple, and dont when you dont want to(although THAT would be a huge turn on if you did but didnt want to) I think its the taboo and outragoeusness of it that makes it so intriguing.

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