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Why does my ex want to hang out if she has a boyfriend?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 November 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 4 November 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

My ex and I dated for three years (almost), and haven't been in contact for about 4-5 months, except for when I texted her on her birthday a few weeks ago. She flirted and tried to text me a little bit even though she has a bf. The reason we haven't talked is because she became in a relationship with him, and she didn't think we should talk anymore (a month prior she told me she wasn't over me and was thinking about trying to work things out). the other night, out of the blue she texts me and wanted me to come hang out with her. This was at 11 pm at night. We texted a little, but I couldn't hang out, I was busy, plus I have no idea what to do or why she would say this. Can someone please help me to understand what is going on?

View related questions: flirt, has a boyfriend, my ex, she has a boyfriend, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010):

She would only be giving you attention after you broke up if she still thought and cared about you. Otherwise, she would have already moved on with her new guy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010):

Because she still loves you obviously.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Oh.. and the other day I guess she created a twitter account. I made one back in college, but never have really used it. She made the account and then searched me out to "follow" me.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

ok, a little info...

We broke up in December after almost three years, we broke up bc I was in law school and "didn't have enough time" and alot of other things. About a month prior we went "ring shopping" so it was tough, and hasn't been that long. Her current bf was her best friend since high school. They started dating very soon after, but she wasn't over me (she "needed someone to make her feel ok again"). We talked, dated, hooked up, ect. up until april when she wanted to work it out (even though she was dating this guy, just not "together"). She told me a few weeks later she still wasn't over me, and wanted to go out. then she cancelled and told me we can't talk bc she is in a relationship. she texted me out of the blue, wasn't drinking, just wanted to hang out. she kept texting me the next day, I was pleasent, but didn't talk about much, I said I needed to go a few times, but she kept texting till late the next night. I do still have feelings for her, but am moving on.. I just wanted to know why she would be doing that. If I was her bf, I wouldn't be very happy about a recent ex and her in that situation. Any ideas?

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (2 November 2010):

k_c100 agony auntWell you have not given much information so it is hard to say, plus we are not mind readers so we dont know what is going on in her head! It would be helpful to know why you broke up, if you still have feelings for her, if you want her back, if you text her or initiate contact first with her...etc

But going off what you have given us - my thinking is that she is probably not over you and confused in what she wants. She is obviously in a relationship and started off by being committed to him and wanted to distance herself from you in order to make it work. But now after a bit of time has passed, perhaps her relationship is not going as well as she hoped, maybe they had an argument, maybe she was just alone and a bit bored....could be any one of those reasons why she text you.

Texting an ex at 11pm generally either indicates they have been drinking and are lonely, or want to try and get back with you. My bet is this - she was drinking, boyfriend was not with her that night, she was bored and started to miss you a bit therefore thought it would be a good idea for you to come over.

But that is just my theory - no guarantees this is what happened that night. Regardless of why though - the point is she has a boyfriend, you broke up months ago therefore her behaviour is irrelevant. An ex is an ex for a reason, there will have been a good reason for you breaking up so going back is only going to drag out the pain. So just let it go, stop worrying about why she acts this way etc, her behaviour is no longer your concern.

She has moved on with her new guy, and even if she texts you late at night she would only use you for comfort, you are the familiar old boyfriend who is always there. So she might of had a few drinks and felt lonely, or may have been upset in her new relationship - but the reason she text you was because you are the good old security blanket that will always be there. Its just a good thing you didnt go round!

So forget about this incident, it means nothing and you should try and move on like she has.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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