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Why does my boyfriend treat me like this??

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 January 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 30 January 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *ollFacex writes:

Well where do I start...

I'm nearly 19 and i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. When i first met him, i wasn't the one that was keen but the more time i spent with him the more i realised i was falling for him.

He was so nice and caring the first year, always put my feelings first. But i started to notice a change in him. Hes so horrible to me now its unreal. I cant even begin to explain the names he has called me. He has put me through hell and back, he tells me he loves me, and the thing is i love him more than anything and i really dont want just answers telling me just to leave him, because thats the last thing i want to do.

Hes done countless things to hurt, dissapoint and betray me. He told me he didnt fancy me as much as he used to and a few weeks later i found texts in his phone to his ex saying how much he still liked her and does she think they would ever get back together. He denied he sent them though, he even tried to blame me! although he knew he was caught. He begged (literally) my forgivness, and yes me being a full gave in because he was being so nice to me.

He just goes out his way now to hurt me, and i now dont even answer back because i now it will result in him screaming at me and as he lives with his mum its a total embarrassment for me.

Now its the new year, i was thinking new year, new start. Try and make us better, but he has told me its ME that has to change dramatically. Ad he thinks i am insecure, jealous and have a lack of trust in him. Which maybe is true but its only because he has made me feel this way. Before i left him tonight he said to me " I can treat you whatever way i want, because lets face it your never going to leave me."

and the funny thing is hes right. I wish i could put down more but ive already said too much.

So for the people that can be bothered to read what i have wrote thanks its really appreciated but please don't tell me to leave him because thats the last thing i want to do, and i know that must sound ridiculous.

View related questions: get back together, his ex, insecure, jealous, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011):

Frist of all loves doesn't hurt. And u have to learn How to love yourself before u can love anyone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009):

I am going throught the same thing! I am 21 and we are engaged. One day he says he loves me then the next I ask him a simple question and hes like "f*** you I don't wanna be with you." His sister tells me to leave him but its hard when Ive been with him over 2 years. Its hard to committ after being with someone for so long. I really don't know what to tell you because I don't know what to tell myself. But I will keep you updated.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2009):

walk out and dont look back. you'll find someone who will treat you better, or at least, just generally better.

stay with him and you will regret it, because dont think of future YOU, think of your kids, and their future with a dad like that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009):

I agree with Replacement. I think you should take a break. Your boyfriend is verbally abusing you, mostly because he can. He needs someone to dump on, and you've signed up for it.

You don't need to leave him forever; every relationship has it's ups and downs. But you do need to teach him how to treat you. Begin by telling him you need a break to sort things out, and explain that you don't like how he is talking to you. Don't call, don't text, don't contact him at all. If he approaches you and has tried to change, he loves you. If he doesn't come back, he didn't love you, and you are better off learning this now, rather than after 10 years of marriage.

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A female reader, cemoi United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2009):

First of all I want to say that I am SO sorry that he has changed so much and I am so sorry that he knows what hold he has over you. I know how you feel - I'm right there myself. I now you don't want to leave him and I'm not going to tell you to either. But don't see him for a couple of days. talk to him on the phone and text but don't see him.

If he yells, bring your voice down - if he says something, say that he's right. And during the time you don't see him - make a list of 20 things you like about him - write them down maybe one each hour or something. If you've been together for 3 years and after two days you can't fill a list up of the things you like about him, you really need to think about whats going on in your life - you're 19 - there will be another guy if this doesn't work out. I hope that the right thing happens x

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A female reader, DollFacex United Kingdom +, writes (9 January 2009):

DollFacex is verified as being by the original poster of the question

DollFacex agony auntyeah i just want to know more peoples thoughts and opinions?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 January 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI doubt he has totally changed, maybe you just for the first time see him for who he is..

Sorry :(

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A female reader, DollFacex United Kingdom +, writes (2 January 2009):

DollFacex is verified as being by the original poster of the question

DollFacex agony auntThanks for the answers everyone, really appreciated... I'm usually so dominant and i stand my ground knowing what i want, but with him....it's like i'm a totally different person now. If we argue or he does something to hurt me, i feel like my stomach is spinning a million times a minute. I know splitting from him would make things in my life feel even worse as i dont think i could eat, sleep or even think straight. I love him but hes totally changed me.

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A female reader, angelshine United States +, writes (2 January 2009):

I'm sorry to say this because you don't want to hear it but it's not working. Don't let him treat you like this. Make a clean break and see how you feel. If he's being this way and going so far as to text his ex, he's not happy in it anymore. Everything he does hurts you, clearly. If you can't communicate, then it won't work. Don't you deserve to be happy?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 January 2009):

Honeypie agony aunt**And he thinks i am insecure, jealous and have a lack of trust in him. Which maybe is true but its only because he has made me feel this way. Before i left him tonight he said to me " I can treat you whatever way i want, because lets face it your never going to leave me."***

He treats you that way because you allow it.

You don't trust him, well cause he is half-ass cheating with his ex. Which may also be why you are insecure. HE says he doesn't fancy you as much as he used to, well that is a nice blow to the self confidence...

If the two of you can not work on better communication skill your relationship isn't going to last long or he's going to be cheating on you and make you think it's all your fault too.

Sorry I think your BF is a prick, not worthy to lick the ground you step on. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but I can not understand why you let him talk to you this way. It's borderline verbal abuse.

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A male reader, Replacement Canada +, writes (2 January 2009):

Replacement agony auntSounds like the relationship isn't happy for either of you anymore. It's normal for people to grow apart, because people change so much from the age of 16-19 (which is how long you've been together). Maybe as you get older you just aren't compatible anymore. He doesn't want to be with you but doesn't have the balls to dump you, instead he is trying to get you to dump him by being an ass. Don't let him get away with this anymore. Take a break from him (not a break-up) for a few months and see how you feel after you've been apart for a while. You might find that you're happier without him than you are with him.

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