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Why does my boyfriend take me for granted and annoy me on purpose?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 5 February 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend doesnt say I love you anymore, only texts, and sometimes short texts, doesnt call, and sometimes seems to enjoy annoying me on purpose...what should I do???

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. About 3-4 months ago, things started going downhill. By this I mean, after 6 months we moved in together, probably too fast, and he got too comfortable. He used to offer me a sandwich, a refill on a drink, cook with me. He never got his license (and still has not), and therefore I always had/have to drive him everywhere. This would not be a problem if he would give me gas money SOMETIMES or make sweet gestures/use sweet words after so many months.

Anyways, he stopped offering me a refill on a drink, or to make me a sandwich. I either cooked for him/us, brought him refills (tho for clarification I started to ask him for refills after a while), or he would heat up his own food. Mind you, at this point, I had some $, but was jobless, so for a while it was more give and take, and fair, since I do love to care for my man. However, there is a difference between giving and taking care of your man while receiving affection back vs ur man taking advantage and ur man being"too tired" all the time to cuddle or show affection. Due to this jobless situation(and after much applying on my part, without luck) we both moved back into our parents houses, which happened in the beginning of november. I am 2 hours from him, now, distance-wise.

In the beginning, he used to call. When we lived together, obviously he did not bc we were together so much. But now, with the distance, he NEVER calls nor wants to call. His excuse is his family is always around, or his friends are with him during breaks/lunch @ work, its cold outside etc etc. He texts, but since a few months back, stopped saying i love you as often, and now practically NEVER says it, and would only sometimes say it back when i said it first. I am big on hearing it, reading it, especially w the distance. And I have tried to talk to him about how I feel COUNTLESS times. He started to tell me hes fed up of me bringing the sdame stuff up, he knows, etc etc but yet he NEVER changes, or if he does its o nly for a few days. He shuts down, brings walls down, and acts defensive rly easily. I tried a diff approach where i asked him if he wants ME to change at all, if hes happy w the relationship etc etc and he said yes he is. When I asked if he would take a train down to see me, he said maybe, b ut that hed never taken a train before. Not only that, but I only saw him once in the past month, and our one year anniversary was during that time. He only sent a short text that day asking if it was our one year anniversary, and that he thought i forgot. WTF?

On the other hand, when I saw him AFTER our one yr had passed, he opened doors for me, put his arm around me, noticed i was upset, kissed me, teased me sweetly (nothing mean), carried my bags for me. But didnt say I love you, tho the actions meant a lot. However, he told me last minute he was broke, and so we didnt celebrate our anniversary yet, and valentines day is around the corner. Its not all about $, but AT LEAST a phone call saying happy valentines day or a TEXT is appreciated, w an i love you.

Lastly, sometimes via text he will repeat texts of short msgs over and over just to annoy me. like huh? I dont understand...or kk. or ok. Or all his responses will be short, like,"my days ok. Im bored." or "Its ok." or "yup" or "cool." Also, when im stressed or anxious now, he wont comfort me via text even, and instead teases me saying "Yay! Fun times or fun fun" and when I try to joke back, or ask for sympathy, all he texts is nah. I know hes joking, but after a while it rly rly hurts. Also, he will bring up celebrity crushes...which never bothered me before, since he showed me love, but one time he went on and on about how hot and talented some singer/actress was, and he loves her talent, etc etc and it rly hurt me, since he used to find ME talented/beautiful, etc etc and he never compliments me anymore or comments on these things.

View related questions: anniversary, crush, his ex, I love you, money, moved in, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011):


Thank you so much for the advice, it means a lot. I have been pondering on breaking up for several weeks now, but it just hurts to think of. On the other hand, I am unhappy/emotionally drained/sad/upset most of the time IN the relationship, so its not good for my mental health. I am working on myself, to better myself, finally, and I think he's at a point in his life where he is taking me for granted, and not taking my needs or me seriously. I am going to wait until after valentines day (just to see if he WILL make an effort, tho I highly doubt he will), and then break up several days after. I am done making excuses for him, and he has had ample time to change and treat me right. You are 100% correct =).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011):

Thank you for the advice, it makes a LOT of sense. Even friends of mine have pointed out he could EASILY shoot me a call now and then and say I love you, if he cared about how I felt. I have been considering breaking up, though it hurts to think about, it is also emotionally draining being in this relationship, and I am sad a lot of the time. It's not right, so thank you so much for the further incite. I am going to wait until after valentines day, put him out of my mind (see if HE comes to me, though I highly doubt he will), and then break up via phone call (if I can even get him on the phone).

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011):

This guy sounds more one off than cruel. Google asperger's and see if he is like what they describe. It is a form of autism where the afflicted person is VERY intelligent and highly functioning but find it hard to relate to the social graces the rest of us take for granted.

I would need more than no refill on drinks to make me leave someone.

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A female reader, wants2bhappy United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2011):

I think it is time to tell him: ' Hi. I have been thinking a lot about our relationship and to be honest i deserve more. I am fed up running after you, fed up of your ignorance and selfishness and the fact that you cannot make any effort to try and make me happy.

The world is waiting for me outside and I will not be wasting my time on you anymore. '.

Move on darling, because he is useless. what will you expect after 3 years, because this is only 1 year after you have been together. This is the time when things should be more and more amazing.

You deserve better, you could never count on this man.

Find someone who will LOVE YOU, because he doesn't.

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