A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now, and our sex life has decreased quite a bit. For the first two months, we were having sex at the least once a day. Ever since 2010 started, our sex life has taken a major decline. Now, we have sex every 4 to 5 days. I know that this is not that bad of a situation, but I am the kind of person that likes to keep passion alive in a relationship.At first, my boyfriend's liver was in pain. Perhaps too much drinking at the time. Fortunately, he is in better shape now. He doesn't drink as much, and he isn't as fatigued as he used to be. Because I knew that he wasn't feeling well, I didn't expect sex often. Now, he stays up until all hours of the night playing poker online, and there are many nights that I fall asleep waiting for him to come into bed with me. He worries about money and debt lately. Now that he is feeling better, I try to keep the attraction alive. At first I tried being coy and sexy, and that didn't work. Then, I tried being direct. That didn't work. Then, I tried approaching him about putting time aside later in the day to do it. This turned him off, as he felt I needed sex too much. We got into a huge fight about how he never responded to me, and he felt I was too forward. He asked me to relax. Now, I relax, and the frequency in which we do it, is still declining. We live together, and he says that this is normal for couples that live together, which doesn't make sense to me because we have more time to potentially have sex.p />Is there something that I'm not seeing? Maybe I do need sex too much. I have never had this issue before. Please shed some light on this situation. Please help me with some outside perspectives. I'm feeling unattractive and unsexy, and all I would like is to know that everything is okay between us. I know he loves me. He doesn't avoid me, or hide things from me, and he always touches me affectionately. Everything is perfect except the sexual aspect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your insight on this situation. I will definitely practice a little more patience and compassion from now on.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (23 June 2010):
 From experience with me and my fella, I can tell you that debt can weigh really heavily on a guy (and you), and can be a major mood killer. Plus, if that in turn affects you and makes you upset because of sex deprivation, that's even more stress! I think he's feeling pressure to perform for you while also feeling financial pressure. That is a double whammy that really sucks.
So what I would do is back off. Get back into dating. Watching movies together. Maybe play some strip poker for fun, if he likes it so much?? Enjoy a healthy sex life without actual sex. Reconnect with making out, some not-so-innocent gropes, and I have a feeling with the sexual energy and tension building up, the sex between you will feel even more explosive and might get more frequent.
Good luck, sweetness. It's a sucky situation (trust me, I know), but it WILL get better. Have faith and be supportive while your fella deals with all this stress. If you feel the love from him, that's what matters.
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A
female
reader, baybee-x-sparkii  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Hey sweetie,
Maybe there was a little too much sex at the start of the relationship to which you got your hopes up of this carrying on, however with his issues of debt are going to stress him out meaning you are less likely to be able to have the sex you have enjoyed. But to the flip side you are still having sex with him, which may be considered a bonus. If he still loves you and has told you to relax about it then it might be the best idea. If he didn't love you he wouldn't be with you babes.
Good luck :)
SB :) x
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