A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid I am single and been single for a very long time. Today at work I ran into a guy friend I use to work with at the one company and he always tells me how beautiful I am but he is a married man Im thinking to myself nope I will never stoop that low jus to be in a relationship being single works for me. So long story short he ask me where is my man I told him its just me my kids are grown and Im just doing me I have no responsibilities I work and go home.He went on to say he foesnt understand why I don't have a relationship he went as far asking me was I.... I said no I just want to take care of my self right now .He had a guy with him that was his brother from Africa I looked but didntcrack a smile I don't understand why everyone want me to be in a relationship why they just won't leave my life alone I feel wonderful my life is at peace.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): HOPE you mean what you just said OP. I sincerely HOPE - for your own well being and that of this egotistical, entitled scumbag's WIFE - that the phrase.... "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" does NOT apply to YOU!
Why to I say this?
Been there. Done that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2019): To the person who said I am looking for the ok to date this married no honey I wouldn't stoop that low ever cuz I'm a woman with true respect for myself and for the record a married man can't do nothing for me but hurt my heart and keep me dreaming of something that will never come true .Thank You
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (7 May 2019):
 Society conditions us to fit into boxes. We are expected to find a partner, settle down, get married, have kids, stay happily married. If we deviate from "the norm", some people feel a need/right to ask questions.
I CHOSE not to get married or to have children. I have seldom been single (again, when I was, it was out of choice) and have been with my present partner for a good number of years. I have led my life the way I CHOSE. Despite this, it is amazing how many people feel they have a right to ask me WHY I don't have children and WHY I am not married when it is NONE OF THEIR FLAMING BUSINESS. I have a stock answer to all such questions: "it was my CHOICE". Then I smile and change the subject, signifying the end of that conversation.
As Honeypie said, the question is not usually asked out of malice. Sometimes it is an awkward "chat up" line. Sometimes it is just people looking to make conversation. Sometimes they are being nosy. Sometimes they are trying to make out they are superior to you in some way because THEY have fitted into the boxes society expects. Whatever their motives, it is your CHOICE how you answer. You don't owe anyone explanations of your life choices.
Just because someone tells you that you are beautiful does not necessarily mean he is lining you up for an affair. He may just be naturally charming, or smarmy, or flirty. I work with a similar guy who likes to comes across as a "ladies man". Although 20+ years younger than me, he refers to me as his "work wife" and flirts with me outrageously. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, even though I am not a beauty by ANY standards. I take it all as the light-hearted fun it is intended to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2019): Female Anon again. Edit: IGNORE him. My married lover did the same shit. I'm so sexy. So beautiful. So special. So passionate in bed. And guess what? 5 years later he's still married and that's not changing. Me? Well, I fell in LOVE. You have no idea how it turns out once you're past the initial animal attraction and chemistry. Best advice? Don't even START.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2019): Looks to me as if you want us to tell you he likes you. That you are sooooo beautiful and sexy that he'd step out on his wife with you. Just remember, this kind of a guy will step out on you - with someone else too. Not just his wife. So if you're sincere, you will IGBIRE HIM. Don't give him the time of day. Once the thrill is gone, being a mistress will destroy you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 May 2019):
 I think they ask how come you are not in a relationship as a response to hearing that you are single. It's better to say out loud that, "good, now we can flirt and I can possibly give you some loving." There is no "I date married men" look. Any single woman can be attractive to married men because she makes them wonder what if he's single again, then he could date you. That desire to explore is bigger than to devote to a boring married life with no excitement. At your age, the men out there are either married, divorced and bitter, or shy their whole lives that they had trouble finding partners. No wonder you feel wonderful and at peace being single.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2019): If I understood correctly, you used this latest encounter to illustrate what you feel is happening to you far too often.
There isn't a certain look a person may have, which would signal to others that they are open to the idea of being somebody's mistress.
Some married men cheat. Some of them come on to pretty much all women they meet. If they know that you are of a certain age and single at that, well, sometimes they feel like you should be grateful they're paying attention. You see, they think that kind of attention is flattering. And make no mistake they are doing this to make THEMSELVES feel better. Because, if they get a reaction from you they want - that you too find this flattering - it makes them feel better.
Some married men who cheat tend to have more self-confidence than their single counterparts, not because they are better, but because they have nothing to lose. They already "have one" at home and can afford to be more aggressive in their approach.
We live in such macho societies that saying to a women "How come you're single?" is thought to be a compliment. You see, they think that being single for women is rarely a choice. In their heads, single women are single because nobody wanted them or because somebody left them. Of course, men are single by choice.
It's not what happens to you that matters more than how you react to it. And whenever you refuse such advances, you're doing yourself a favor.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 May 2019):
 I don't think there is a universal "I'll date married men" look, so I wouldn't worry about that notion.
That a guy friend (or perhaps rather "guy acquaintance" since he knew nothing of what was going on in your life?) asked you about your life and relationship status, is HIM being nosy. And who knows maybe this guy ask ANY woman who is open to have a conversation about her life, why she is single.
Maybe in HIS culture women are generally NOT living a single life at this age.
Honestly, though... None of his business.
You COULD answer in the future (when asked) that life is good and you have no need or reason to change it. And then stick to that. Or simply not answer those kind of PERSONAL questions. You can also just say :" that is a bit personal" and leave it at that. OR, don't answer that question. Change the subject.
I don't think people who wish you a partner are doing it out of malice, it might just be that they think most people WANT a partner. And that someone as lovely as you shouldn't HAVE to be alone. They perhaps don't understand that for now, IT IS YOUR choice to be alone and your business.
YOU DO NOT owe anyone an explanation for wanting to be single or being single.
Your life, live is as YOU choose.
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