A
female
age
36-40,
*urt_and_broken
writes:My husband and I decided to separate yesterday morning. Well, more or less "take a break". I always knew that if a man needs a "break" its because he has other interests.I decided to go to the local bar to have a drink alone to calm my frazzled nerves...and he just so happened to be at the same bar. I didn't talk to him or anything. Then a mutual friend says "Hey, he's over at my place... he wants to talk" So I finally agree and I'm heading out the back door just in time to see a female friend of his coming through it fixing her hair and him outside the door looking like a deer caught in the headlights.Now, my questions are... Why would a man find a new lover the same night of a split? Can this be fixed? Is it possible to rebuild the structure of trust once your partner has been with someone else? Why does it have to hurt so bad....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): Babes your hb replaced u long before he asked for the 'break'. I know u are hurting but why do u want to be his fool. He is not interested in his marriage and being faithful to you. At least u now know what his intentions are and u know he was cheating long before he left you.
I think your friends covered up for him as well. U cannot trust your hb or even the friends.
So what happens now? U are hurt and devastated but at least u know the truth. Why do u want a cheating snake back in your life. He lied and he belittled you and your marriage. Surely this is sufficient torture?
Make peace with the fact that he is gone and slowly repair your life. Plse do not be his doormat, waiting for scraps from him. He will not change and if u keep waiting for him to come back then u are saying' my life is worthless". Honey it is not. You will survive without him and u need to start believing it.
Make new friends, go have some fun. You deserve it.
Take charge of your life and make every moment count.
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):
It's not that men always have another woman in mind if they ask for a break. It's that whoever requested the break usually has someone else in mind, be it the man or the woman.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Your husband has been having an affair. He can't confess this to you so he says 'Let's have a break'.. That way he can go and see how it pans out with his lover, who he has been promising the earth to. If that doesnt work out, he can make his excuses and come back to you. Do your research, I'll bet you anything he knows the 'one nighter'. very well indeed. He may not want a break now that he knows you've seen this other woman. That may be just what he needed to make him realize that he could lose you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 You need to talk to him and tell him what you saw and ask him what is going on. Ask him to be honest with you and tell you if something happened. It could be possible he was having an affair before taking a break and you need to ask him to be honest with you. Also ask him why he felt he needed a break and ask him does he think you will be able to work on your marriage.
It can be really hard going back to trusting your husband if you think he has been playing away. It could lead to you being insecure and checking up on him which wont work out in the end. There needs to be trust in a marriage and he will need to work hard to earn it back.
Goodluck.
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