A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why does inexperience turn women off more than the other way around? Why is it that if a guy never had a girlfriend before, he is a turn off to the majority of girls that have had their fair share of boyfriends or just been in a relationship before, and sadly the older a guy gets and he is still inexperienced, the more of a turn-off it becomes to women.Is a womans mentality, mindset similar to that of a hiring-manager, employer? they want the candidate that is in demand? or is there more to it than that?
View related questions:
never had a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2017): This is just my perspective as a male virgin at 27 but it's simply a matter of natural selection. Women instinctively prefer men who are bigger, stronger, better for protection and someone who can provide. In this day and age that can mean anything but the basic premise is the same.
Women love confidence, experience, knowledge in a partner. A male virgin (in my case, one who is fat, ugly, and socially awkward) cannot provide any of those things. Essentially you're considered worthless. It's natural selection at it's finest.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2017): Isn't a man thinking like an employer when he avoids people with "high turnover rates"? Or when he seeks employees young enough to be easily trained & remain with the company a long time before wanting higher wages & retirement?
The calculating rational attitudes show up on both sides but IMO women get much less flak for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 March 2017):
 I think yes, a womans mind is that of an employer. She wants someone with experience, someone who knows what position he is looking for, and who doesn't need too much training for the position.
Not all women want this. Some enjoy "fresh blood" so to speak.
The point of wanting experienced men is not that experience makes them better, but more like... if he has had no relationship experience, they tend to think there must have been something wrong with him. Like him having a mental illness, or not being relationship material because of addictions, or that maybe he is a mommy's boy unable to be independent etc. They think there must be a reason why no one "hired" him for the position previously, so it is best to avoid.
But, again, this is not ALL women. But many. I don't think this way, but I have many girlfriends who think this way. And honestly, after having been in relationships with a total of 4 guys with NO relationship experience prior to me, I would NOT do it again. Because it simply takes too much work to make an adult man think in terms of "us" rather than "me" all the time. They are usually lacking in communication skills, don't know how to compromise, don't understand that they can not always do what they want to do when in a relationship, that they can not always put themselves first or not prioritize the relationship. They would, for example, just book vacations without checking in with the girlfriend (me) first, or just simply LEAVE without telling me they were going away. Or come back from a business trip without telling me, and spend the first days with friends and not me! This is NOT cool in a relationship. Such habits are ok when you are single, they do not work at all when in a relationship. I think, with 4 inexperienced guys under my belt, I have trained my fair share of guys and molded them into relationship material. I would not bother with it again.
But, if a guy knows how to put a relationship first, think "us" and not "me" and knows how to communicate and compromise, then he might not need experience...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): Do you want the rationalized excuses people give for this, or the real underlying reasons?
Women are the gatekeepers of sex at least in civilized places. They have the luxury (and necessity) of being choosy because every pregnancy is so taxing for them. They want the most in-demand partners because it's evidence of good genes. Every pregnancy counts for them so nature programmed them to operate this way, consciously or not. A woman who isn't dating (or maybe just banging) a guy with the sexiest genes she can get is probably dating a guy who would make a good father/provider.
Men don't have the necessity (and luxury) of not being choosy. Shooting sperms all over town costs us nothing. So nature designed us to be less selective. Especially for shorter relationships & hookups. We get a lot more selective when the relationship turns serious and we're facing the prospect of sinking 20 years into this woman's kids.
Women get more flak for being promiscuous because it means they are being less choosy. The infamous "double standard" is just plain old evolution and women do as much to support it as men do.
Men get more popularity for being promiscuous (from women more than from other men, even though women deny it a lot). It shows they are able to find more women willing to sleep with them.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2017): I like a guy who takes charge and is confident and uninhibited. Yes, he needs to have experience. But at the same time, I am not looking for a man who has slept around.I did not have any sexual experience when I first met my current partner but it's fireworks and he says I am his best ever. Who would have thought? There are many experienced people who suck in bed because they lack passion, enthusiasm, a sense of adventure and openness. When the chemistry is right between two people, the sex seems to fall into place.But I do believe the double standard applies because men are supposed to be the protectors, the hunters. They are supposed to win us over with their prowess, their ability to out man their competitors. The man with no experience cannot do this. So, it is evolutionary because the man with the strongest genes is the one women pick to raise their children. Women are attracted to a man who is strong and self assured. Much of this comes with experience.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 March 2017):
 How many women have actually told you this? Because to me, it makes no sense.
Maybe SOME women prefer a guy who has had a lot of experience but I don't think it's the majority.
Now I don't know how many WOMEN you actually know because it sounds like you think there is some kind of female hive mentality where ALL women think feel and act the same - or that we are SO different from men... both which is a far from the truth as you can get.
But if you want to deal in GENERAL observations, here are mine:
Personally, I think women want CONFIDENT men, not necessarily sexually or otherwise experienced men.
Most of the women I have known, friends, family etc. look for partners who they SHARE things in common with, be it hobbies, religion, dislikes, likes, values, morals, standards etc. They don't go - "URGH! he is not experienced he goes straight in the no-go pile!"
I don't think women want the guy who is the most in demand. It's not a stud service, it's life. You DO want a partner whom you are attracted to but preferably not one that MANY women would give chase after. THAT I think is more the male perspective - they like the "trophy-trope" more than women.
I DO think a 40-year-old virgin can be regarded as a turn-off (regardless of gender, really) because they LACK some skills (not necessarily sexual in nature) but people might think they would have no clue about relationships and thus make for a partner where ONE become a "teacher" not an equal.
My advice? LOOK for women who are in the same boat as yourself (they do exist) don't go for the ones who have had a "fair" share of relationships. Find someone to GROW with and LEARN with.
Then you might ask, HOW do I find such a woman? Well, do you have hobbies? Are there things you are passionate about? Do you socialize with people who enjoy the same? Because I think THAT could be a good start.
Don't set a premise of "ALL WOMEN" or "POOR ME" or "the nice guy finish last" - it's off-putting. WAY more than being inexperienced. You can BLAME women for YOU not having had a GF (if you want) but it's going to help you GET one. It will just make you seem bitter and bitter people... well, you attract more with honey than vinegar.
Be curious, work on being social - people are NOT going to walk up to your door wanting to get to know you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017): Well personally I have found a few guys who where inexperienced who had a real resentment of women because of that fact, they had a sort of chip on there shoulder and blamed me cause other women had rejected them.
There is nothin worse then a guy who is feeling insecure and sorry for himself you can smell it a mile off . I'm more scared of these guys then the loud ones who try to group you.
Mostly it's all bot confidence and guys get confidence from experience that what makes a women comfortable.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (21 March 2017):
 You may have your cause and effect reversed.
Women, in general, have an emotional need for security. A history is some proof that you do know how to keep a relationship going. Many women like to think that they won, and were a better pick than the ex.
On the other hand many women do not want a man who has Children because that includes a lot of child care, dealing with the kids mother, and so on. They have trouble sharing his attention. But, perversely they are looking for a man who will be an active good father for their children.
This is all speaking in general. But you are a specific person. You have one advantage (no children). You also don't have any STD's or Crazy stalker ex-girlfriends. There are some women out there who like inexperienced men. They like the idea of introducing a fresh partner to the joys of romantic love. They don't like being compared to the ghosts of girlfriends past. All hope is not lost for the 29 year old virgin, you just have to find the right match.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017): Because most women are more confident in that department than men. Women don't get intimidated by experience and are generally not into the whole "virgins are best". Most women don't like blank slates to hide their faults, experience brings something to the table which is far more exciting than someone coming in with empty hands.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (21 March 2017):
 It varies with each person. I'd want someone who didn't have many relationships and had the same values as me, when it comes to intimacy. However, some want very experienced sexual partners. Most don't actively *want* someone who's been around a lot, though.
If someone is 30, for example, and has never had a relationship, it may be a little bit off-putting because you wonder why. Was there a good reason women wouldn't date them? Why have they waited this long? etc. Sometimes, a good (honest) answer will make those concerns go away.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2017): I dunno why that ever became a stigma. I prefer a guy with just a tiny bit of experience I guess, but not loaded with it. I always assumed it were the other way around since guys fantasize about women who agree to everything like they do in porn..
...............................
|
