A
female
age
51-59,
*wilamarie
writes:i have been in this relation ship for seven years and things still havent changed see lets say mike is a great gye untill he is around his family he don't even act the same and he treats me different,for some reason now his family don't like me either and when i ask him why he just gets upset and say why don't you ask him and his kids well one of them has done nothing but cause problens for years and she moved away to be with her boy friend but when she comes to town everyone drops what there doing and changes planes to sute her and every x-mas they treat me bad to for starters the have never invited my girls not onence but he comes to my house and spends maybe at the most one hour then he has to go back to his moms and even then she will call to see if her dad left yet and it just brakes my heart the way i or my children never seem to matter even when my mom passed his family never said a word not sorry to here nothing and every time there is a family function i get the cold sholder and i feel like crawling under a rug,last weekend i just left and he never even new i left for hours and he said he rememberd me telling him i was leaving but i never did.when i tell him just how much this bothers me becuse i am a very nice and careing person never have i forgotten no ones b-day or a gift for any other occation but when it come to me nothing just nothing and mike does not seem to care about what this does to me he just says he don't want to deal with it and some how always makes it out to be my problem .but i just can't take it any more and last weekend his daughter came down ifixed a nice late snack of shrimp and potato salad and she proseeded to get her dad off in the bed room with the other sister and friend and left me out in the living room for hours and he came out just to say whats up and went back in and on saterday i ask him what was the plan well he said he was going to get her to go out and see this band with our friends playing i said there not going to be playing for months he acted surprised but he new come to find out i sure they had this all planned weeks before she came but they went to his ex-in laws he said to get a gun her grandfather wanted her to have then they were going to her anuts home to visit and then they were going to meet with her friends later for a drink and told me to be ready for that.i knew better i waited from one in the after noon to after nine at night i called up to his house she answerd nowing it was me and said heeelllo smart like and i just hung up and a few minits later he called and i did'nt answer.he called a gain i answered he said dinner would be ready in twenty min. i said i thought we were going out he says she is to tired now and that they were going to hang out up there and his friend was coming up to and i said i knew this would happen after i was all ready all dressed up and waiting he said are you coming i said no i don't think ill make it and he say so she can here "what were not excieting enough for you when he knew i was up set becuse he never invited me to spend the day with then knowily i waited and still tries to make me look like the bad person.and i went up there late but as soon as his friend left he was ready for bed telling me she was leaving eary and knowing i was having a sale in the morning and he never gets up on sat or sun early unless someone else is there or coming never to spend any time with me but any way he told me everyone had a big breakfest at his moms and now he was going to take a nap he never said a word the night before or in the morning as if i was'nt invited and glad he did'nt have to tell me about it so everyone would'nt be mad if i did show up.and when i say anything about how i am allready feeling bad he just says he don't want to deal with it or gets mad about it and about the sat he spent with his exs inlaws should of that been with her mother or at least asked me along?i am to the end of this treatment i love him but i can't deal with this any more next ill be unwelcome to his birthday becuse they don't want me there and thats happen before why are they like this and why don't i matter enough for his to put a stop to this please help and i will have him read what others say about how i am treated just so he knows how wrong it is thank you he is 53 years old and i am 46 and to old for these games his parents are in there 70's i just don't get it
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female
reader, twilamarie +, writes (4 April 2010):
twilamarie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks your right but you would think that after his wife left him and took alot from him left him in debt that they would be glad to have a women that does everythng in the world for him and is so good to all of them but instead i think there just jellous becuse now he does not need his mother for every thing and by the way they live right next door to each other so they know every thing that goes on there,if she sees me go up the drive way she will call and see if he would like her to make him a lunch or calls to see if he wants to come down for dinner and she know i'm there but never asked if we would like to she acts like oh i did not know she was there and says well maybe next time as if she was exspecting him to leave me there and just come down.i think i have had my years of hurting over all this and thanks to all that help me realize its not me but them who has a problem but it still hurts and i wil just have to stop racking my brains to figure it out but i do know i do not deserve to be treated this way,i was always good to them and careing and for the way they treated me was very hurtfull and unreanable and for --- to let them and pretend he never noticed shows im not worth the time to realize how it hurt me and to do somthing about it,i mean after all you would think if he cared enough he would of put a stop to it long ago,but instead he feeds it so to speek thanks again every one,i think ill go out tonight with a friend who knows a change will do me good bye!
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 The family are trying to shut you out, they don't want him dating anyone unless it's the mother of his children. He can't see or he dosen't care, he dosen't realise how he's been deliberately manipulated into showing rudeness towards you..
Seven years is a long time, too long to walk away without one last shot. I was taught by my mother, never to reward bad behaviour. His children and family are not your concern, your not dating them, your dating him. He's the one who should be making you feel comfortable, he's the one who should be forcing them to accept you. Because he acts like he dosen't care, it gives them permission to treat you anyway they want. All this is going to stop, it's going to stop today. I want you to first set up a list of rules.
1. If they make plans without you, don't ask anything, don't complain, don't argue, just go home again.
2. If you are in the company of the family and you are being ignored, again, don't seek attention from anyone, don't complain, don't sulk, just go home again.
3. Everytime you are forced to go home alone because they are rude to you, do not take any calls from him for at least 3 days. Do not call him, and make sure that he can't reach you.
4. After 3 days, you can answer his calls, but DO NOT CALL HIM, and do not mention anything about the fact that your unhappy at his behaviour or any of this rudeness.
5. If he asks why you didn't answer the phone, or why you didn't call, or why you went home, the answer must always be the same.. word for word.... "I WAS BUSY" or "I HAD THINGS TO DO" or "I WAS TIRED"....
6. On the days when you are at home ignoring him, you must go and buy yourself something special. Every time he is rude or his family are rude and you find yourself at home alone, I want you to go and buy yourself a present. This must be a present a man would buy. New underwear, flowers, perfume, chocolates, that kind of thing.
7. If he notices these new presents.. the answer is always the same... "I bought them for myself, I wanted a treat", and then you can remember they way he and his family have treated you, and I want you to smile.
Do these things, never get angry, always get even. I want you to be the perfect girlfriend, but every time you are hurt I want you to go home alone, and think of something nice to buy.
He'll bloody notice you then, especially if you keep smiling and looking happy. In the end he'll get curious, he'll want to know why your so happy and why you get all these presents. Keep this up as long as your feeling angry.. Eventually you won't be able to do it, you look at all your presents and you will hate him.
THEN BLOODY LET RIP, AND TELL HIM WHY YOU BROUGHT THE PRESENTS, WHY YOUR ALWAYS BUSY AND CAN NEVER TALK, AND WHY YOUR ALWAYS HOME ALONE BECAUSE HE IGNORES YOU WHEN HIS FAMILY ARE AROUND.
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A
female
reader, twilamarie +, writes (3 April 2010):
twilamarie is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni tried today to talk about this some more and he just gets up and goes to the other room and say go ahead i can here you just fine like i was yelling at him but i was not,you would think by now i would know this person well but its as if he was a child at time a good man at others and a person who i don't know at all,like today he says he just don't think he is doing any thing wrong,i know men and women are differnt but not that different,like a responder said he just is'nt into me but he is as long as were alone as if he is shy to show his feelings hell i just don't know i get back after tonight thanks everyone!
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A
female
reader, lonesum dove  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 I alway say its three sides to a story his side her side and the right side, i am really trying to understand what's really going on here... i think you have to know that love dont hurt,
If he care or even respect you at all he would not allow his family to treat you that way, even more he will not treat you that way, girl come on open your eyes, you are the same age i am.
There is no way i would allow any man or women to disrespect me or my children the way he disrespecting you... here is the million dallor question what do he have to keep you with him open your eyes girl he just not into you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): I think that if he don't treat u right and don't care about how u feel then leave his ass. don't stay with a man that don't have no respect for u r feelings. and if his family can't see u for who u r the forget them. and if a man loves u they shouldn't be spending time with there ex girl . that is totally disrespectful.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (2 April 2010):
How did you meet him? Were you involved with his divorce from his ex wife? Have you had any conflict with her? Also, is he wealthy?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): ok first im not realy understanding your story.
all i know is ur husband is treating someone else better
so the only thing i can say is yell at him dont take that crap! do what you want to do yea its childish but if he can play at that game so can you!! if hes treating you like the third wheel do somthing about it dont sit at home waiting for that sleez ball take your kids and have some of your own fun sooner or later he will notice the change and probably start taking interest in what your doing.
as for the family there isnt much u can do about them so juss be kind to them becuz there old so its ok hope i hlelped
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