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Why does he treat her better than he ever treated me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Online dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 September 2015)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Yesterday I was on Facebook and came across my ex's current girlfriend's profile on my 'people you may know' list. Both her and I are friends with my ex's cousins.

I was curious and clicked on her profile to take a look. Two years ago, my ex and I met her online through a chat room. I've chatted with her and voice messaged her. She seemed nice and always referred to my ex and me as a couple. My ex and I had already been together for almost three years at that point.

After looking through her profile I found out that my ex started dating her only a week after him and I broke up. After we broke up, we kept in contact for about a year but he never told me he was with her. He would always answer my phone calls to talk or help arrange to get my car fixed or help with my family issues every time I called him. We never met in person after our break up. But after about a year, he stopped answering my calls and texts. He only texted back a couple of times when I told him it's an emergency. Why does he treat me like that???

I also found out that he does a lot for this girl that he never did for me. He cooks for her, took her to the beach and made a heart out of lights for her, sent lovely roses with a message saying she is his life and bought her a ring. I was with him for three years and he did none of that for me!! Yet he's doing all this for her now?? She calls his parents mom and dad. I see pictures of them together, with family and friends and he looks so happy. He was never this way when he was with me! I invested three years into the relationship with him and gave him my all. Why does he treat me like that? I'm so hurt and torn apart now.

View related questions: broke up, chat room, cousin, facebook, my ex, text

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (21 September 2015):

Ivyblue agony auntMaybe he has learnt by his mistakes and realises in order to make a relationship work you need to make an effort. Different personalities bring out different sides to people also.

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A female reader, WhenCowsAttack United States +, writes (21 September 2015):

You were just not the one for him. It is nothing against you, apparently they are just a better match together. Doesn't sound like he was ever really that invested.

Why stress about it? He's an ex.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 September 2015):

Honeypie agony auntEvery relationship is different. Maybe he is more mature now, maybe he learned from the mistakes he made in the past, maybe he turned over a new leaf, or maybe SHE bring that out in him. Maybe the two of them are a better fit (at least in his mind) than you and him were. It happens.

He still helped you out a YEAR after you two broke up. That is pretty decent of him, because he didn't OWE you to be at your beck and call, not then, not now. HE is an ex. You are an ex.

I'd say it's high time for you to stop relying on him to help you out.

And I would like to point out that there are without doubt things he did with you and for you, that he hasn't done for her.

Don't compare yourself to someone else, she isn't "more worthy" of romantic gestures than you were/are. She isn't "better" than you. She is just a better fit (for him).

Also, don't forget, it's Facebook. If you go by Facebook for info you will not really get reality. People like to post the "good stuff", but not the "bad". So you only see half the coin.

Chin up, and don't go on her page if it hurt your feelings.

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