A
female
age
36-40,
*11tall
writes:I Feel like I am going crazy! I am in a long distance relationship with an amazing man for a year and a half. He has to kids, owns his own business and drives four hours to come see me almost every week. I am an assistant in a busy salon, am full time in university and take the bus more then 5 hours to see him (its faster with a car! cant wait to get one!) so we both have very busy schedules, and pretty much every night we skype! thats our thing, its usually around 9pm for an hour then we fall alseep. So about once or twice a week, my BF will text me we will skype, or reply yes when I ask him, and then around 8 or so stop texting, wont reply and wont skype. He FALLS ALSEEP!!! thats not even why I get mad though, its that he said we WOULD! he said yes, to skyping later and then doesnt.I feel disrespected, and lied to, and like its erroding my trust in him because it happens so often! I have tried to talk to him, tried to be understanding, tried laughing it off, tried everything...but all I want him to do is change his answer to the question. instead of saying yes, say Im really tired and may fall alseep. and he doesnt! I dont get it...On one hand I want to be understanding and a cool GF, but on the other this is how I feel...Whats your thoughts????
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (30 March 2011):
Although you want him to be honest about this, he probably feels that if he says no all the time he will appear distant and uninterested, so he feels like he should say yes and make the effort even though he is tired, (I’m sure he also does so because he genuinely does want to talk to you), but then this leaves you understandably frustrated. It is, of course, unsurprising that he would feel tired as you both lead such busy lives. To resolve this you need to think about changing your pattern/routine.
If he feels bad about saying no to your text, suggest instead that as he’s tired of an evening, rather than you texting him to ask if he wants to Skype, you assume he’s too tired and he’ll text you instead when he does want to. Let him initiate it, and assure him that you completely understand that it may be that he is often too tired. Be sure also not to place too much importance on this late-night Skyping. Send just a few texts during the day, perhaps on your lunch breaks or something, to ensure that you’ve kept in contact during the day so it won’t seem such a big deal if you don’t talk online that evening. In addition, perhaps try to Skype a little earlier in the evening if possible. Finally, keep it in perspective. Long-distance relationships are hard and take a lot of work, but both of you clearly make a lot of effort to come and see each other on a regular basis, which is a clear sign of the strength of your relationship.
I hope this helps. Good luck.
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