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Why does he say he wants to meet up and then never shows up?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 February 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 February 2009)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So I live with my boyfriend of a few years and we get along pretty well. But he has this thing were he will say or text me to meet for dinner or meet at the supermarket or tell me he will be home for dinner in 15 min.....things like that but then he will never show and his phone will be off or he just won't answer. Most of the time he will come home 3-4 hours later. when I ask him about it he says he had to meet up with one of his friends or something...I dont want to be bothered by this but sometimes it does? is there anything I can do or should I be suspicious?

I just want somebody to tell me to back off and let it go or should I try to get to the bottom reason of why he does it.

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A female reader, sappygirl United States +, writes (10 February 2009):

sappygirl agony auntthis is what you do: Don't "talk to him about it".

what you do is play the game back at him. Don't make a big deal out of it, don't say anything. Next time he says he'll be home 15 mins.. you pick up your purse and go to the movies or a friends house. and stay a long time. better yet stay at a friends over night and don't tell him where you go. When he gets home he expect you to be waiting for him, asking when, where, and why. When your not there that will be a wake up call for him that you are not going to put up with the disrespect.

what he is doing is so rude. not putting your time and thoughts into consideration. The reason he's doing this is because he's setting the terms in your relationship. It's up to you to set boundries and if this is not tolerable then you do something about it. He will get away with anything if he can. Think of him like a little child who will push your button, but its up to you to put him in his place.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009):

If he is spending less time with you or less time at home and sex has dropped off, this is a sign that he is with another woman, and by calling you first he sounds like he wants you to be suspicious to start a fight and then he can blame it on you.

I don't like the sounds of this....if he does a disappearing act again, then if you can disappear yourself for a few days, do something fun, turn your cell phone off or don't take his calls, let him see what it is like when you are gone!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009):

Itmay seem hard at first, but believe me, this guy is not ready for a relationship. aND THE time THAT YOU WILL SPEND FINDING OUT WHY, is not worth it! Because, if It was meant to be, you would not be stressed. I am 48 yrs. old and a nurse, well, make a long story short, he tried to play me, he's out the door. Make it easy for yourself. Concentrate on what you want in life first.What is your Career goal. What do you want to do in life so bad, above all. It's ALL up to you . Just do it. make yourself happy. Do what you want to do now, or at least plan on it. Have a goal, have plenty of goals. Because life is good. It's what you make of it. And there's plenty of time for men. But, for now, you go do it for you. I know that someone to share it with is wonderful, but, not with someone that will make it miserable, so that you can't even concentrate on what you want, because your too busy thinking about him. what is he doing. who is he with. Let it go. No exceptions. do it.Please for YOU. Take care of Yourself. And call your Mom and tell her you love her. she'll listen.

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A female reader, Plexi United Kingdom +, writes (10 February 2009):

Plexi agony aunthe's inconsiderate and selfish and trying to send you the message that he does what he wants when he wants. what you can do is when he sais ill be home in 15 min for example, if he's nort there in 30 min, go out or do something else without him, if heis supposed to meet you grocery shopping and doesnt show up, sho without him, pretent that you are shoping just for yourself and just tell him, "next time you say you'll be there be there, i can't wait forever for you, i have things to do as well" don't let him get away with it cause what ever boundaries you set thats what he will follow, teach him how you want him to be but without yelling:)good luck hun!

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