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Why does he look at porn and hide his phone??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Marriage problems, Teenage, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 June 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 7 June 2011)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Well me and my husband are having alot of problems with trusting mostly me because last year when we met he promised to be loyal and he gave me a promise ring he is in the army and at the time he was in training i met him wen he was almost done with basic and off to airbone school . A friend and i went and drove from wi to GA just so we could be with our boyfriends i met my husband through my friends boyfriend. well soon as he was finished with airbone school he started to act weird. I found pic of him huggin his ex Fiance and i found that very wrong . weeks went by and he got stationed in NC so i drove and seen him well i knew it was wrong but i had to go threw his phone and see if he was talking to females well turns out he was talkin to his ex and another girl while dating me tell his ex how he loves and misses her. We broke up for a while got back together then on facebook he was writin all these girls behind my back n he never would add me on facebook so i made up a new account and seen what the deal was turned out he was two timin me n his ex fiance and i broke it off with him .. weeks later they didnt work n we got back together but i could never trust him n it seems like each month i always find a new girl he talks to he has a problem with tellin them that he is in a relationship so he just keeps goin on with the flirting. just in Jan. i decided to move here because he needed me he was havein a rough time and the nice wife i am i did. again more girls he was texting. I dont know if its wrong of me to always go through his stuff email facebook phone but i do.

Since we got married in March and have a baby on the way he changes for a few weeks and started loveing me right and taking care of me and our soon to be child in oct. then its been a rough road we fight all the time he always says i act different becuz now that im prego i have been gettin depressed and just weird moods or ill be awake on sec then not and he kept accusin me of liein yet a week later he would be doin sumthing behind my back. Hes always sayin im makin his time in the army worse then takes it back or im pushin him more and more away because he expects me to trust him after catching him in a lie. its really stressing me out i do everything im supposed to i dont talk to guys i cook clean make sure i pay the bills on time wen he gives me the money.

other day i looked in his fone and he was talkin to this girl they werent flirting so i just let it go but we are fighting alot and so the next day he was non stop talking to her and its hard to see that known we arent doin the best and i asked who he was texting he lied to me and said his sister i looked just so i wasnt wrong i seen it was that girl i said you just lied to me after we promised to be truthful so he has ruined me trust that i was finally givin him and if she was just a friend he should of said so i wasnt mad untill he lied to me and said if we cant go back to being happy like we were then we should change our staus he said he wasnt goin to talk to her anymore after hrs of fighting and i felt it was the rite thing to do and text her nicely cuz i knew wasnt her fault and told her i dont want them talking for next week i would look at his fone just to make sure and he hasnt been talking to her then all of a sudden last nite he was texting alot and kind of ignoring me this morning i woke up went to see and he locked his fone. i dont know wat to do anymore being pregnant is makin it harder becuz im and emotional reck. For the longest time he hasnt had porn on his fone now he has a ton of pics of naked girls and makes me feel horrible about myself like im not good enough anymore. two of my questions is "is it wrong that i look threw his phone since we are married and i allow him to always go through mine? second "is he just fallin out of love with me that he has to look at porn and hide his phone am i doing somthing wrong?

View related questions: broke up, depressed, facebook, fiance, flirt, got back together, his ex, money, porn, text

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (7 June 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntLove isn't the only thing that goes into a marriage, so does TRUST, and COMMUNICATION..which you both lack.

You think military husbands have no time to cheat but you're sadly mistaken..they'll lie to you and tell you they have to work late when they really don't. Why is he texting another girl when he has a wife who's pregnant with his child??? Ask yourself that.

Yeah, a pregnancy happens when you don't take precautions to prevent it, or you take your birth control properly.

I think it would be best for you to be back around your family so you can get the proper help with your child, he can come and visit. Maybe he'll miss you and change his tune. Such as not texting other girls and being supportive of his wife. Then you could start trusting him.

This marriage will not last much longer without trust, I guarantee that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

the porn pic im not worried about because i know that those are women he will never get to mess with and i never used to be worried about them its just hard when you already feel like crap about yourself for the fact of all the body changes i have to go through with being pregnant..

And as for the first answer im not so much too worried about cheating because he has no chance to cheat here he goes to work and comes home but texting different girls that worries me and i was ok with it untill i seen what the texts were all about. honestly i dont know how it turned into a marriage and i didnt expect to have a baby nor did i wish that upon us knowing we werent doing good. it just happened right when i got here and i know how much harder it is going to be when it comes down to actually having the baby for the fact he is going to get deployed for a year .. but after last night of fighting he said that all i do is snoop and me for not trusting him and that i make him not want to be around me so i think that i have no choice but to move back to wi. because maybe my hormones are too crazy for him to handle since he says i B**ch to much

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (6 June 2011):

tennisstar88 agony aunt

Let me just say that him looking at porn is the least of your worries. You need to be more worried about him chatting with other ladies, like you have been from day 1 of meeting him. In other words, watching him to make sure he doesn't cheat on you.

I don't know how this relationship has turned into a marriage. It's not based off of the fundamentals such as communication and trust. No trust equals a relationship/marriage that is bound to fail.

You also may think having a baby will make this marriage better but it won't. It's going to get far more complicated, you think you fight now..just wait till after the child is born and he's not helping you.

I don't mean to be rude, but unfortunately as a bit older military wife myself I see this happen all the time. You meet a military guy, he's still in man whoring stage, get hitched within a year of just meeting, pregnant, he's cheating on you, and then you're signing divorce papers. Just make sure you get custody of the child. Hopefully, I'm wrong.

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