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Why does he care if I have found his replacement?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 October 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 10 October 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I was dating a guy for almost a year when he out of no where decided he wanted to date someone new. I was very hurt, angry, and confused. We talked and of course he said he still wanted to be friends. I told him he needed to give me some time. I didn't speak to him at all for a month. A few days ago I went to a baseball game and something reminded me of him. I sent him a text message and we had a short conversation about baseball and nothing serious. Then out of the blue he says to me "by the way you know you sent me a text that was meant for another guy last Friday?". I am not seeing anyone right now and am not really sure what he is talking about. I must have included him in a message by mistake and told him as much.His response was "sorry I thought it was my replacement". what I really don't get is why he cares if I have found a replacement (since he already replaced me) and why he even brought it up to begin with?

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (10 October 2011):

RedAthena agony auntIt was probably a misunderstanding. You know you did not send him a text that Friday he mentions.

So, either he is A-confused or B-curious if you are dating someone else.

If the answer IS B..that does not mean he is interested again.

Since he bolted out of your dating relationship to date another person, he has to EARN your trust for a friendship. Let him work for it. Being friends after a break up is not a nice little consolation prize. There needs to be respect and consideration just like any other friendship.

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A female reader, PR_Scorpio United States +, writes (10 October 2011):

Honestly, some men will do that just to see if you've on to another man. I wouldn't put too much thought into that, since if he really wanted to be with you, he would be with YOU and not with someone else. You don't owe him any explations...actually, you shoul've just laughed it off and leave him with the question mark in his mind. He chose to end your relationship and has moved on to someone else, I suggest you do the same. Although it's cool to sometimes stay "friends" with someone you dated before, it doesn't work for everyone. I know I wouldn't want to be friends and stay in touch with an ex. There's just too much history and hurt there. Unless you have kids together, there's no need to stay in touch...but that's just me.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (10 October 2011):

chigirl agony auntI don't see much of him caring about a new guy. You sent him an off text that was meant for someone else, and he understood it to be a new guy, but he didn't make a fuzz out of it, did he? He just said you sent him a message by mistake, and then he pretty much left it at that.

I don't see his actions to mean he cares. Either way, if he did care it's understandable. It is always a bit painful to see your ex move on, regardless of who dumped and who was the dumpee.

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