New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login225920 questions, 982285 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Why do women want to stay friends with their ex?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 October 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 10 June 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

This one is for the females. Please enlighten me or tell me if this is true. What is with the obsession in remaining friends with the ex boyfriends? Do all women do this? For those that say yes, why?!  

I have never remained "friends" with an ex girlfriend. If I see one on the street I smile and say hi and continue on my way. That's it. But no calling, testing, facebooking, nothing. Almost all the women I have met still do. The way I see it, if you're single; no big deal. But not if you move on to another relationship. I mean, this ex partner has seen you naked. He/she has made love to you. Kissed you. Shared many intense physical and emotional experiences that can NEVER truely revert back to ONLY friendship. There will ALWAYS be that connection. If you really loved the person that is. So why do that if you are in a serious relationship with another person? 

point is this. I posted on this question but im trying to understand the female mind. Futile? Probably. My wife is/was one of these remain friends types. I obviously don't think it's appropriate. I don't do it, out of respect for her. But she sees nothing wrong with it. So she met with her ex boyfriend for "lunch" out of town a while back. So he can "see" that she was happy and finally moving on...knowing that I would hate this, she hid it from me. But I found out. Can I really trust that's all they did? How do I know this? She thought she was going to marry this guy 2 years ago. Admitted after they broke up she still had strong feelings for him for a good while. Even when we started dating... How do I know they didn't have a one last time fling? She didn't tell me openly, I would have respected that more.

anyway time has passed, but I'm still trying to understand the logic behind her reasoning to figure if she is telling the truth or not. Do women do this? Is the possibility greater she's making this up because she got caught? Or is it probable to believe she is telling the truth? Is it normal for women to think/behave like this?

View related questions: broke up, ex girlfriend, facebook, her ex, move on

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, gingerann United States +, writes (10 June 2011):

gingerann agony auntbad or good relationship-doesnt matter-if youve been intimate with the ex when you were a couple-you split up-you move on to another relationship-and your in love supposebly-and the new love doesnt want you to talk to the ex?then why would you?why would you want to?your in love remember?or are you?

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, gingerann United States +, writes (10 June 2011):

gingerann agony aunti think its crap.when people break up,they should move on.i do feel theres some sense of hope ,just in case the present relationship doesnt work out that they-the ex will have another chance.sad for the current one in the relationship-we suffer for this.its not fair.i hate knowing my boyfriend talks with his ex.they were together for 5 years.shes important to him.i dont like it at all!!!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

I dont understand either. I think they just like to have a back up plan, maybe its an insecurity thing.

I do not want to be friends with an ex unless I was completely over them and with someone else who I do love. If I even thought they still had feelings for me I wouldnt see them.

Some Ive noticed are just immature and like having drama in their life, bringing ex's back into the picture does that.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010):

We do it for the same reason men do it... keep the lines open should it not work out with our current relationships.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Natalie:) United Kingdom +, writes (22 October 2010):

Natalie:) agony auntI'm a woman and I would never want to stay friends with an ex, unless before the relationship we had been very good friends.

Some girls just like a lot of attention (and a backup plan in their mind)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (22 October 2010):

CindyCares agony aunt I am a woman ,but what you are talking about always baffles me too. I never did that,- if it was a bad break up for obvious reasons, and if it was a "good " break up- you still need to keep your distance for some time to safely put the experience in the past, and once you've done that, you generally find out that you don't particulary care about being close to that person any more.

The only thing I can think of is that women tend to be acquisitive. They like to accumulate. Objects , and persons, and memories, even when they don't need them any more. Have you ever tried to convince a woman to clean up her closet and throw away all the old clothes that she has not been wearing since at least 5 years..?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (22 October 2010):

xanthic agony auntI don't know about other women, but I could never stay friends with anyone I once dated seriously. Too many complicated emotions are involved. I believe in making a clean break, staying friends would only slow or prevent the healing process after a breakup.

The only exception would probably be if things ended on good terms, but even in that case, a 'break' would be necessary in order to get over seeing that person as more than a friend.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, DazedConfused United Kingdom +, writes (22 October 2010):

I am one of these woman, I keep in touch with all my exs. And I am there for them 100% when they have any problems. Am i good friends with them? no. But I am there for them.

I think the connection I once had with them stops me from cutting all ties. I once loved the person very much. I find it difficult to cut someone out of my life forever just because we broke up.

Its sad for me to think that one person who meant so much to me at one point has to be cut out from my life. There was a strong connection there. I recently met with my ex husband for a drink for the first time since I left him 2 years ago. I didnt feel anything for him, just a little weird. And yes part of me wanted him to see me and see how happy i was and how good i was looking. Maybe the sick side of me wanted him to want me a little. But honestly I wouldnt worry about it to much. Encourage her to be honest about it. The only thing that would lead me to believe there was anything wrong is if she was to continue to be dishonest. If theres nothing going on she wont hide it from you. Especially if you encourage her to be honest with you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Why do women want to stay friends with their ex?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.03125!