A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do some men think pornstars are magical beings? My ex and my first boyfriend were just like that. My ex said "a pornstar works in my office" in a voice as if he had achieved something. My first boyfriend used to call them by their names as if they're real people and they have this special smile that comes out when you mention porn. Both men treated me like I was just there and just average and ordinary. What is so special? I'm attractive too and i don't get this level of praise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2014): The OP had therapy and it clearly didn't work.The endless cycle of questioning is because she is seeking one particular outcome- her being triumphant over porn- and until this happens she will keep over analysing things.If she can accept that she is instinctively attracted to the wrong kind of guys she may be able to break the chain.The solution is in her own hands and her own mindset.No therapist can tell someone what to think.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 July 2014):
 So the OP does not need therapy and telling her to seek professional help is " judgemental ".
By this token, it is also judgemental to tell a person with chewing problems to see a dentist. Or a person with debilitating joint pains to see an orthopedist.
It's not that the OP needs therapy because she hates porn. People do not have to like, approve of, accept or condone porn. They can hate it, they can campaign against it, they can write books against it. many do, as a matter of fact. That's fone and requres no therapy.
The OP would benefit from talking to a professional therapist because, regardless of the CONTENT of her thoughts, she has recurring , intrusive, dysfunctional , irrational thoughts, over which she exhibits no control and which make her extremely anxious and sad, and hinder remarkably her chances of a happy , healthy sexual / relational life, and the attaining of a positive self image .
I am not qualifed of course to call this OCD, or to call it anything... but if you do not need therapy when you think weird stuff all the time and it makes you miserable... then , when is is that you need therapy !?
The sheer volume of her recurring posts always on the same subject in the last YEARS should ring an alarm bell. Just to stay with the dentist example, if you have an aching tooth, that keeps bothering you and giving you fits of pain , week after week after week ,... then go to the dentist already !, and see if it can be fixed or removed. Just keeping complaining Aww my tooth- and not wanting to see why it hurts, is not only inefficient but IRRATIONAL.
This happens to be about big boobed porn stars , but, IMO, it is incidental. If she were that bothered by, say, the vision of Smurf cartoons , we would tell her the same : please seek professional help.
Go Tisha-1 ! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2014): I know this is quite an old post now but having been in a slightly similar situation I'll give my thoughts. Tisha1 has made some good points and I've looked back atyour pprevious questions she's referred to Now I'm going to disagree with her on two points.You don't need therapy, that's a bit judgemental from not knowing the complete story. What you need is closure.You're not subconsciously trying to find someone similar so you can stay in your comfortable rut by reliving your misery time and again, I believe its more that youwant to change ssomeone by making them choose you above the porn, then you'll feel vindicated and get that closure you craveSo what are you gonna do? You say this new guy took your mind off your ex, that's a good thing but obviously it wasn't for long as now you're back to the same old same old.You like him 'a bit' but haven't seen him 'in a while'. If that's so its unlikely he'll be making a move on you ( whether that means asking you on a date or attempting to jump your bones?)Does he know your feelings on porn? If he does, he has no respect for you by letting you see his Facebook. If his fb is full of porn stars as you say, he obviously has no shame about it ( I find this a bit weird) and won't give it up for you no matter what he might say to your face.Leopards and spots!So you need to decide if you like this guy enough to share him with hundreds of big breasted blondes. If you only like him 'a bit' ,I wouldn't bother. Either find someone who isn't into porn to such a large degree -or else someone that you like 'a lot' , enough in fact to tolerate the fact that they enjoy looking at porn as well as being with you.There are men out there who dont watch porn,but men in their 20s and younger tend to have grown up with it nowadays thanks to the netNot really an answer, but hopefully food for thought
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A
female
reader, ImissFuturama  +, writes (17 July 2014):
 Hi, OP. I responded to your question already, (I was the female anon who said porn stars are appealing to men because they're up for anything). Anyhow, I'm sorry to hear about what you discovered on his Facebook. Just so you know, there are plenty of guys out there who aren't so hung up on porn stars. He obviously has an obsession with it, which is NOT normal. The average guy will watch them while masturbating, but they don't go adding them to Facebook, or spend time thinking about them outside of watching porn. Besides, if you knew what they REALLY thought while looking at these women,(again excluding guys who only watch it for the visual and not to fantasize), it would probably make you cringe. They don't see them as human beings. They don't care ONE BIT about anything besides what these women can do for their entertainment. The type of fantasies they have over them they probably don't feel comfortable having over a woman they care about.What you need to do most is figure out WHY you tend to gravitate toward guys who act so similar. You said yourself you're attractive, and guys will notice that. So don't waste your time on someone who lives in his head rather than the real world. I have some guy friends who seem to only go for "perfect" women, and it's annoying to listen to them complain about how life isn't fair, these girls never like them, yada yada. But I don't for one second feel inferior. Why should I? If a guy didn't pay me attention because I'm not blonde with big boobs, I'd say his loss.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 July 2014):
 I don't really respect men whose facebook have skank pictures in them. They may feel that those pictures prop up their profile. They think that their male friends would be jealous that so many hot girls would like to be friends. For women though, it has the opposite effect. A man with such a profile is not concerned about having a serious relationship with a woman, but more about status within his group of men.
If a therapist tells you the same thing and you are not listening, it means you are stubborn and are trying to find a listener who agrees with you. There are men bashers out there, you will find them. But this site is more about promoting men and women equality. Whatever you focus on, you will find.
I don't think "a pornstar works at this office" is some kind of special praise. It's more like, "she's always in those videos, giving men pleasure, and men all over the world wank over her, and now she is right here, with us! How often do you see that at the work place?"
I think you dated men who were insensitive and didn't know how to treat a lady. A gentleman makes sure his girlfriend feels special. Even if a lot of men are visual and are turned on by beauty and variety, they should be more discreet and be careful of what comes out of their mouths.
Instead of worrying about losing men to porn stars, spend the time to develop your sensuality and gracefulness. When you are more confident with yourself you will attract men who will delight in the new you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2014):
 So you found a new guy with the exact same issues as the guy you are trying to forget.
"I did talk to a therapist a while back but they said the same old stuff that goes over my head."
What is "a while back"?
You are able to navigate the intricacies of posting on the internet, no? You can navigate facebook and check out what a friend likes.
So find a counselor you can speak with on a simple level.
I'll make it simple for you.
You keep asking the same question about porn use by men.
You don't like it.
You feel bad that a man you dated used porn.
He said nasty things to you.
He was snotty and mean and said things that weren't nice.
You didn't like it.
It made you feel bad.
You don't date this man any more.
You are broken up.
He is not in your life.
It is over.
You don't need to keep repeating the same negative question over and over again.
As you seem to be repeating the same question over and over again, you may have something going on.
Speak to your doctor for help.
Explain the problem.
You are fixated on a relationship that is now several years in the past.
You cannot resolve your hurt feelings and your feelings of inadequacy.
You are unhappy and don't know how to move forward in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): Actually this guy helped take my mind off him but i haven't seen him for a while. I did talk to a therapist a while back but they said the same old stuff that goes over my head.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2014):
"I've met yet another person who loves porn but doesn't take notice of me. He knows I like him a bit but hasn't made any moves"
Q. Why are you wasting one more iota of your time on a guy who doesn't take any notice of you?
A. Because you feel bad about this old relationship and keep finding the ones who will re-live it with you by being interested in porn.
And you keep posting these little plaintive cries and you apparently are not taking and positive action to resolve your sorrows.
Woman, for heaven's sake. Go see a therapist. You are stuck in some continuing cycle of sad posts about 'why do men like porn?'
Seek proper help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): Hi this is the OP his facebook page likes were mostly dirty group and really skanky pornstars, shame really he seemed nice, they are blonde with big boobs would of been nice of they looked like me but oh well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): Guys like porn for several reasons. For one, they usually use it to masturbate when they're alone and they're more visual than women are. Porn/masturbation skips the foreplay and gets straight to the "point" I've seen plenty of porn and while there's a "storyline", I've never seen foreplay or flirting or anything romantic and fun. Most men I know think romance novels are a waste of time (I think they're cheesy myself), and that's because it's about the romancing and the guy serving the woman in some way because he's her hero. And in the sex scenes, there's usually not a lot of head being given. (My experience in reading them).In porn, he doesn't have to woo the woman. She's got a good body (depending on his idea of it and taste in porn), she's pursuing HIM, she's eating HIS cock and she's all enthusiastic about it. Unless it's girl-on-girl, there's usually not a lot of anyone going down on the woman. It's right here, right now, all about HIM. No messy annoying things like foreplay or cuddling or talking or anything like that. And she's willing and she screams and moans and really gets into having something plunged into her vagina repetitively. Guys know that real-live sex isn't like that. The guys are obsessed with porn stars because they think the women they work with or whatever are like the ones in the porn and they wish they could have something like that available. It's why they like strip clubs: the woman is focused on THEM, is serving THEM and there's no talk and plenty of action. It's natural for them to want something like that. I'm not sure how you're finding out that people are into porn. When you first meet a guy, it doesn't make sense to discuss that or sex of any sort. If you just met him, it's not smart to be alone in his apartment or bedroom or on his computer. I'm sure he doesn't have DVDs and magazines neatly displayed on a shelf in his living room. I'm betting he doesn't look at it on his computer at work. However you meet the guy, if he mentions porn/sex/strip clubs or anything like that, he's being an inappropriate jerk because you're not SUPPOSED to talk about those things with a female you just met. I mean, sure, guys look at porn but if they bring any of that up, change the subject or tell him it's uncomfortable and delete him from your potential dating list. There are decent guys out there and while most of them have looked at/do look at porn once in awhile, it's not the first topic that comes up. Get to know a guy as a person before you start dating him, date him awhile before you even bring up sex other than to say you don't do it on the first/seventeenth date. Think long and hard before you have sex at all and like I said, he shouldn't really be discussing porn with you anyway unless he's been your boyfriend for awhile and asks if you want to watch some with him. That would be different.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (16 July 2014):
 Um how do you know that someone you barely know is into porn? If one of the first wuestions you ask a guy is "Hi do you like porn?" then I think you have a problem.
Seriously I think you need to see a therapist about this obsession. You have a real hang up about this and I think a professional is the only way to help.
Mark
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 July 2014):
Why do some girls fall in love with / feel attracted to -men who think that porn stars are magical ?
Sorry, if it happens once is random, if it happens twice uhm, curious, if it keeps happening, then it's YOU.
Somehow you feel inclined only toward a certain kind of men, who would be the FEW who think porn stars are magical beings. You must be having your " paradoxycal advantage " in doing that, maybe, as Tisha-1 mentions, you are looking for someone who reinforces your sense of inadequacy and your poor self image because you need to punish yourself, but that's shrink 's territory, those are issues you should explore in therapy.
As a matter of fact, I think that , ths guy you like a little ?,... you started liking him, or you started liking him MORE, once you knew he is star struck by porn actresses( and I concur, that's a strange info you have about a guy you barely know, so , how did it come up, did you ask , by any chance, ? Initiate a convo about the subject ?...)
Even wthout asking , our subconscious is uncannily smart and able in getting us what we are loiking for, taking subliminal infos from just a word, a look, a joke, a body posture... so if you always chance into star struck porn lovers, ... I think it must say something more about you, than about them.
Reality is as you make it and as you see it, in my life I have known hundreds , thousands of men ( not all them known biblically ,lol !, I mean known as friends, colleagues, relatives ,social aquaintances, classmates, etc. etc.. ) and NONE of them was porn - star struck, although it's reasonable to assume that MOST, if not all, of them have watched porn at some point in life; they 'd be more inclined to consider them BODIES , conveniences for masturbation, in fact dumb -looking sluts whom they would not be caught dead with in a bar . Why, I remember distinctly that once I had to defend Jenna Jamison talking with a male friend, and say that , regardless of her job, she really seemed a nice, pretty lady ! ( Yeah, Jenna Jamison, we really go back in time :)
So, I suspect it's not about the magical porn stars, I suspect that for you what it's " magical" is guys with
" uncouth, frustrated wanker " written all over them . Change your idea of sexy and magical, and see if THEIR idea of sexy and magical does not change accordingly...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 July 2014):
 Sounds like its just your typical "celebrity"-awe. Same as when I will get a bit more excited about a tv-star working in my office. People are generally in awe of celebrities, no matter how small, no matter what they are known for.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2014): Can you take 50 cocks in one sitting, in every hole and fire ping pong balls out of your vagina across the room? There you go then, in terms of being a sex worker you're pretty ordinary because you're not one.
OP you just dated two lemons who didn't appreciate you, it's nothing to do with porn stars.
Were they comparable to movie hunks, or male strippers? Most likely not. I'm not, and yet I'm still appreciated mostly because that's what I expect from a relationship.
OP just be careful this is not an insecurity you're projecting onto them, maybe your expectations are too high too.
As for the new guy, that's not proof of anything. I watch porn, would make no difference to how attractive I find you.
There's no correlation there. He's probably just not interested in you or waiting for his time to pounce.
OP it sounds a tad odd that you would immediately find out a person you've just met likes porn. You sound a bit obsessed.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2014):
"This is the OP. You won't believe this I've met yet another person who loves porn but doesn't take notice of me. He knows I like him a bit but hasn't made any moves."
And just to be very clear, if a friend of mine sent this message to me, I would tell her this: "Okay, Jeannie, you are wasting time if you think that he's going to change because you like him a bit. Dump him. Right this minute. Right now. Get some of that power back. Because right now you don't have any power over your own relationships.
Lose the losers!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2014):
"This is the OP. You won't believe this I've met yet another person who loves porn but doesn't take notice of me. He knows I like him a bit but hasn't made any moves."
Actually I do believe this. You have chosen him because he affirms that you are less worthy than someone doing porn.
I notice that you do appear to be stuck in the same cycle.
Do you want to change this cycle? Yes? No?
A simple acknowledgment that you've read our answers might help.
Though I do realize that you are looking for something else that feeds that insecurity and inadequacy and inferiority complex you have spent some years building up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): Sex workers are real people.
I think you should be happy with yourself. Why do you need male attention? You don't need their approval or their praise. If you are so reliant on praise then you really need to work on your self confidence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): It's a adolescent-pleasure. Men also get excited when you talk about their favorite athletes, action-movie heroes, football, basketball, baseball, video games; or our favorite comic-book characters. We gawk at Ferrari's like sex-objects.
No one is more responsible for your insecurities about your appearance, body-image, and self-esteem than you are. That includes your taste in men.
If you feel threatened by studio-created flesh-peddlers with fake boobs and too much makeup; maybe it's not just your boyfriends who have a porn-problem.
Porn-envy is silly. It's vulgar entertainment; but a reality in our society, and in the media. Just like boy-bands, handsome performance artists idolized by females; and hot male movie-stars with flashy smiles and eight-pack abs. Why do girls and women scream their brains out when they see Justin Beiber, or Justin Timberlake? They aren't the best-looking males out there. The pizza guy or the pool-boy can be just as hot. They don't get screams.
You're forgetting when you walk down the street in a cute outfit; guys are staring and gawking at your figure. The sway in your curvy hips, the bounce of your bosom, and the sexy sultry way you shake your hair out of your eyes. Why do women forget these things? Guys are lusting over you all the time. It's against the law for a guy to walk up to you and sexually harass you. So they do it amongst their buddies, or just turn and take a glimpse of your booty as you walk-by. These are the subtle compliments that women take for granted; and shoot men down for. If your boyfriend stopped doing it, it's because the novelty has worn off.
Get a new hair-color, or a makeover. For yourself. You're in a slump.
When you're dressed to the nine's, nobody is more proud of you than the guy who has you on his arm. You didn't notice, for all your disdain for his liking porn.
Your complaining may have been what drove them away. Not just their taste for porn, and your objection to it.
The guy who sees you every single day, may not treat you like he just met you an hour ago. You both get used to each other. I know you don't shower any of your boyfriends with compliments about how hot they are every-time you look at them. So don't squawk about something so trivial.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): Because porn stars all have something in common that many "everyday" women don't. They never say "no" to ANYTHING, and are available 24/7. Men like the feeling that women want them SO bad, whether they be "attractive" or not. Porn stars typically provide this feeling. They perform many sex acts your average woman would find disgusting or degrading. And they look at the camera seductively while doing so. That's why they are "magical". One click of a button, and suddenly hundreds of horny women appear, who are up for anything. Poof...like magic! Men know it's all an act. They know these women don't actually want or care about the people watching them, and they also know many of them aren't nearly as aroused as they are pretending to be, but their minds can't tell the difference in the moment. *This is excluding men who only watch porn for the visual of 2 people having sex to speed up masturbation.*Different men will have different things they get out of porn. Some men prefer pictures over videos, but the things I said above could still be true for these men. It's still a woman staring seductively into the camera, like she wants him so bad she just can't stand it, or posed in a suggestive position like she's ready for him. Sorry I know what I said is pretty vulgar, but I'm just trying to get my point across. Correct me if I'm wrong, men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2014): This is the OP. You won't believe this I've met yet another person who loves porn but doesn't take notice of me. He knows I like him a bit but hasn't made any moves.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2014):
Is this the boyfriend that told you were ordinary several years ago and you are still focused on this negative situation?
This guy is old history, he's gone, who cares what he thinks? It's useless and counterproductive and damaging to continue to wonder about why he thought what he thought. The guy was abusive, I know that was established on some earlier posts of yours.
Do you like being this stuck? Revisiting the same hurtful feelings over and over again? Because you certainly do spend a lot of time doing so.
It's about 2 or 3 years past time that you found the therapist who could work with you to break this destructive cycle of negative thoughts.
Best wishes to you. I do hope one of our posts sinks in and you go find that help. You've posted here so many times I can see that you are really obsessive about it.
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