A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why is it that some girls always have boyfriends or get all the male attention. I am 30 and have only had one partner in my life and real bf. My friends always seem to have met a guy at the gym or school. I got to school and the gym and meet guys but nothing goes beyond that. And it's not like I don't smile or joke around. In fact sometimes I think they see me as a guy. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2018): So let me start by noticing that you still see yourself as a girl, at 30 you're a woman. Women (girls too ;) meet potential partners everywhere. Sometimes it's pure luck, sometimes it's arranged.Do you know what qualities in a man you're looking for and to put it bluntly, what do you have to offer in return?E.g. If good looks, athletic body etc. figure high on your list, you should probably be athletic as well. See what I'm getting at? I'm not saying that looks is important, or that it should be, but if it is to you, you are probably looking for a guy that has similar ideas about his partner. If you're looking for a compassionate, all around good guy, volunteer at a soup kitchen or an animal shelter. I wouldn't look for such a guy in a gym (not that you cannot find one there, but...).Now, to tackle your question. There are some women (and men) who are almost everybody's type. I bet that most of them have great emotional intelligence and social skills. Decent looks never hurts ;) Just because they are liked by most men (and/or women), doesn't mean that they would make a great couple with all of them.It's just initial attraction. Of course, that looks plays initially a great part, BUT, you don't have to be a model to be noticed. You can underline your strengths and downplay your weaknesses.These people are usually positive, outgoing, passionate about life in general or a certain topic in particular. I have no idea if they are born that way or if they were reared that way, maybe both, but if there's something you can learn from them is that some of the features that make them interesting are certain skills (and skills can be learned). I'm not talking about faking and manipulation. You don't have to change who you are in order to be liked, but you can learn how to communicate with others better.As Honeypie said, introverts are rarely seen for who they really are, BUT there are introverts with skills and introverts without skills and the same goes for extroverts as well. Those without skills cannot use their gregarious nature to get them out of all kinds of situations they can land themselves into, but it can help them to stay positive and stay in the game.Now, you say that they see you like a guy. There are many ways to understand this. Do you suffer from certain insecurities and prefer to stay at the beginning in a friend zone? Except that after it's really hard (verging on impossible) to get out of that zone. Do they see you as a guy because you act like one? Again, do you chose to act like one because of your own insecurities?Focus on yourself. Ask yourself who you are and who would you like to be...
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 March 2018):
 Who knows?
Chemistry and social interactions don't always follow the same set of rules for everyone.
Smiling and joking doesn't always make you more approachable. Or attractive. (to whomever is around).
Personally, I don't think the gym is a great place for meeting partners. Though I'm sure you CAN meet someone just about anywhere. Gyms are in a sense about superficial stuff, but also deeply personal. We all wear little/less clothes and thus most of us prefer others to give more personal space than usual because of it. Women (in general) don't like to be approached while all sweaty and panting.
Maybe you are perceived to "try too hard" when you joke around. Might be why you are seen as one of the guys instead.
Might be that your overall social skills are not as great as the average female friend you have.
I'm a bit socially inept. I admit it. I'm an introvert and shy around people I don't know. It always ended up making people think I was a snob or snubbing others. Which definitely wasn't correct. I have gotten better over the years but in my teens and 20's my social skills were "atrocious" with people outside of my social circle. I simply IGNORED most people because I was worried I might offend, say the wrong thing or whatnot. What really got me working on it was doing job interviews. Sounds strange but it was.
HOW people interact is by FAR more important than how they look. But looks DO play a part too. Especially in attraction. So how do you look? Do you spend HOURS getting ready or are you a "brush my hair and slap on chapstick" kind of girl? BOTH are OK, but each might attract different types.
There is no easy answer here. I can't give you an answer because I haven't seen you in "action". I don't know you from Eve. My advice? ASK your friends and don't get mad if they tell you what they see - and you don't like it. So ONLY ask them if you can handle an honest answer.
Also, OP... you are 30. You are not a "girl" anymore, you are a woman. A GROWN woman. So maybe it's also how you see yourself that separate you from your other female friends?
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