A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why do guys complain about their gf/wives but then not leave?I have a coworker that always complains about his wife - I never bring her up but somehow he will say something about her nagging or sound so dis interested in any event that they might be doing yet all I see on social media is them going out together Why do men do this? Is it to get attention because if it's truly that bad why not leave - also of a man talks about his wife being baggy - annoying does that mean that his character is weak? Is it right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2017): Why do men bad-mouth their wives or girlfriends? I guess the same reason women sit around with cocktails bad-mouthing and generalizing about the entire male-gender! Throwing us all in the same category; and perpetuating all kinds of stereotypes about male behavior.
I listen to my female-friends, and they say unflattering things about their husbands and boyfriends. I know they're kidding; but mean it in a "nice-nasty" way.
They are only venting mostly. It's stuff you tell your buddy. It reflects badly on the teller anyway. It raises the question, why is she a nag?
If she's baggy, she's baggy. If he's bald with a pot-belly, he's bald with a pot belly. People aren't always nice and don't always turn-on their filters.
As for your co-worker. It is most inappropriate to speak badly of your spouse or mate at work. You could remind him that everything he says at work could get back to his wife. It's public-shaming her. Even if he means it as a joke. That would hurt her feelings, and may even end his marriage.
Some guys are really stupid, and they mean it in a passive-aggressive and flippant way. No real animosity behind it, but it's still negative. Both sexes are guilty of it. I don't know why you singled-out males.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 September 2017):
 I don't think this is a man thing, I have heard plenty of women give out about there partners as well. I would imagine its not as bad as they make it out to be and that they have issues with themselves as well as their home life.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 September 2017):
 Both men and women bad mouth the partners because the problem is NOT with their partner, but with themselves.
We humans love to point the finger and blame the other person for our own problems. Much easier than blaming yourself.
Anytime you want your partner to change their ways... Look in the mirror...You will notice who needs to change first.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (20 September 2017):
 Personally I suspect he is doing it to see if any females will take the bait and say "Poor you. There, there, I will make it better for you."
I worked with someone similar years ago who used to complain about his wife all the time to anyone who was willing to listen. One gullible female in the company started sympathising with him. A shoulder to cry on progressed to drinks after work which progressed to an affair. A few months down the line, the wife found out and guess what? He dropped his mistress like a hot potato and cut her dead when they happened across each other at work. She eventually left because she could not stand the atmosphere, at which point he started his complaining again.
In your shoes I would be inclined to make fun of his complaints in a gentle way. I would either advise him to divorce her if he complains about having to go somewhere with her, or say something like "She speaks very highly of YOU". He is just looking for attention and/or fishing. Either way, it's not nice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 September 2017):
 I think this is a "man thing". I know... sucky as an excuse but seriously it is.
Men have different banter with men. The whole locker room mentality is not just chauvinistic pig stuff... it's how SOME men bond. It's an almost unspoken form of (in most women's eyes) lame humor.
For whatever reason, the "martyr-husband" is something a lot of men can relate to. I can't tell you how many times I have heard it from my husband's co-workers and thought... what a dick. I think however it's less about being a dick and more about being really bad at having an interesting subject. I see it in gaming too. GROWN men whining online because the wife wants them to get off the game and come eat dinner with the family or take the trash out... It's childish and kind of sad.
Is his character weak? Not really. If he FELT the way he spoke then yes, but most of them don't.
It kind of becomes a competition in WHO has the worst wife ever!! Like it's a game you can win... but it also gives some of these guys a "shoot my wife is NOT as bad as Tom's or Jerry's." So a "some has it worse than me yay!"...
Personally, if someone says stuff like that around me, I either ignore it or ask them why they are still married if they are so miserable.
Thankfully, there are a LOT of guys who LOVES to brag about their spouses. And you know what? Some people find that annoying too...
So unless talking to you? I'd ignore it. But secretly think they are full of crap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2017): His poor wife.What a catch he is!Does he think he is so special in comparison? I highly doubt it!I'll bet she puts up with a lot of shit from him!My guess is he is trying to make her look bad to "appear" dissatisfied with her as an angle to line up someone stupid enough to believe his bullshit for a cheap fling! Yes, he lacks character and does not know the meaning of the word respect. He throws his own wife under the bus to a virtual stranger behind her back!Why are you even indulging him by being an audience for his pathetic freak show?If I were you, I would back off and not talk to him anymore. His wife and personal life has absolutely nothing to do with work! And nothing to do with you! What he is doing crosses professional boundaries, is in very poor taste, poor judgment and is demeaning to his wife.Reminds me of the time a coworker sat with me in the lunchroom and revealed how his wife was his first and only sexual partner and how he felt he has always missed out. Ummm. TMI!!!! Inappropriate! All of the above! I high tailed it out of that lunchroom and seriously never ate lunch there again! This guy could just be a total ass. A whiner. Attention seeker. Complainer.I'd hate to have such a loser of a husband putting me down to co-workers.He is the type that would do that to anyone.Steer clear. Let him find another venting buddy. You are more professional and classy to lower yourself to his behavior.Politely distance yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017): She's probably not a nag really. He's probably doing things that sincerely bother her and discrediting her feelings. I've dated a guy who always called me crazy or psycho when I got upset over things. If so he doesn't leave because he no real reason to
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